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Read This If You Wanna Learn How To Seduce Straight Guys

For straight men who have sex with men, same-sex encounters aren’t about romance or sexual attraction and desire, but about sexual and physiological arousal-”getting off” with another who’s male and accessible. They don’t sexually desire or get aroused by looking at other men, only by the sexual act…These men typically want to bond with and get affection from other men. Their behavior may reflect a desire to experiment, to engage in something that’s taboo, or to express inner psychological conflicts involving their sexual feelings and desires that have nothing to do with having a gay or bisexual identity.Straight men who have sex with men do so for a variety of reasons. Some have been sexually abused and are compulsively reenacting childhood sexual trauma by male perpetrators; some find sexual release with another man more accessible; some have sex with men because it’s easier and requires fewer social skills than those required to have sex with women; some are “gay for pay” and get financial rewards; some like the attention they receive from other men; some like anal sex, which they’re otherwise too ashamed to talk about or engage in with their female partners.

LGBT studies professor Joe Kort discussing a recent study showing 1 in 10 heterosexual-identified men have sex with other men, in Psychology Today.

Image via Eating Out 2: Sloppy Seconds

By:           Daniel Villarreal
On:           Oct 19, 2011
Tagged: , , ,

  • 60 Comments
    • christopher di spirito
      christopher di spirito

      “These men typically want to bond with and get affection from other men.”

      Very true.

      In my experience having sex with straight men, the men aren’t “gay, and don’t know it,” or, “confused about their sexuality,” they’re always in a relationship with a woman or married to a woman and the woman treats them like shit.

      When you’re constantly criticized and marginalized by your partner, you start looking to get your needs met by other people. Even if that means the other person is another man.

      Oct 19, 2011 at 3:27 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Edward
      Edward

      I think this author is indulging in wishful thinking. I’m gay, I’ve had lots of sex in my day (mostly in California no less) and I have never met a straight man who wanted to have have sex with another man. Not once. Straight guys like pussy. That’s why they are called straight. I mean, think about it, I’m gay – does that mean I can close my eyes and have sex with a woman? I’m not hard-wired that way. This author suggesting that 1 in 10 straight men has ex with other men, is like the ex-gay expounders who say the same percentage of gay men can become heterosexual. They can’t – or they are bisexual.

      Oct 19, 2011 at 3:35 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Little Kiwi
      Little Kiwi

      i’m gay. as a gay man i like to be with other gay men. i’m turned on by gay men. crazy concept, eh?

      Oct 19, 2011 at 3:37 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • meego
      meego

      @Little Kiwi: Isn’t it, though. This article is pure bull.

      Oct 19, 2011 at 3:40 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Franco
      Franco

      I have known straight men who have admitted to enjoying anal sex and who engage in sex with gay men only for the sex. It’s a mutual agreement between the two men. So this study, in my experience, is accurate. I think people who want to label guys as either gay, straight or bisexual are projecting a simple worldview, when in reality, sexuality is far more complex than we want to believe. We’re socially bred to define sexuality in black and white terms. Our lives would be so much easier if we opened our minds to other possibilities rather than creating narrow explanations to make us comfortable.

      Oct 19, 2011 at 3:54 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Spike
      Spike

      The point at which a guy is having sex with another guy, the fact that he considers himself ‘str8t’ is pretty much moot. If we are to agree that this is about sexual preference, if a guy prefers and follows through with having sex with a guy not once but again and again, and continues to have sex with chicks, he’s bisexual – regardless of how he perceives himself.

      Str8t guys don’t prefer nor engage in having sex with other guys.

      Oct 19, 2011 at 3:56 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cam
      Cam

      So lets see..

      Queerty has Defended Marcus Bachman TWICE and called gays bullies for not liking him.

      Attacked a married lesbian couple who were just trying to get the benefits that any other married couple was entitled to. Called them a sham and thieves.

      Tried to claim that bullying was not a cause of a gay boys suicide, and then twisting his parents words to claim they meant that bullying wasn’t a factor, when the parents words said the opposite.

      And now you post an article about how closet cases who cheat on their wives and girlfriends apparently aren’t really gay.

      Seriously, what is going on. Daniel from Queerty posts regularly in response to other comments on posts, and yet there have been multiple postings taking issue with these things. So lets here it. What is going on. Did the Mormons renew their attempts to pay Queerty off?

      Oct 19, 2011 at 4:31 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Tommy
      Tommy

      @christopher di spirito: That makes no sense to me. Why wouldn’t they just have sex with another woman, not a guy? I’ve been treated like shit by boyfriends, I don’t all of a sudden go and start sleeping with women!

      Oct 19, 2011 at 4:33 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • AxelDC
      AxelDC

      How to seduce straight men: DON’T!

      1) If a guy is straight, he won’t have sex with you, because he’s straight.
      2) If a guy has sex with you, he’s not straight, but could be very confused and get very upset afterwards.

      In either case, you are asking for a world of trouble. Stick to out gay men who don’t come with a enough baggage to trigger a $130 fee on American Airlines.

      Oct 19, 2011 at 4:40 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mike in Asheville
      Mike in Asheville

      Hey, to each their own. Never got the excitement or desire to be the object of some straight guy’s blue balls because he couldn’t find a girl. And if there are straight guys who also want to experiment with men or engage in mutual sex with men, aren’t they called bisexuals?

      As a gay man, I find sexual compatibility only with men who want to have fun romantic to wild gay sex with me, doing eachother for eachother’s pleasure. I know I have had fun hot times some bi men, but ours would be limited to pursuing just the gay aspect with me. If they wanted to pursue women, that was fine by me just not with me. And if they wanted to experience sex with a man and a woman at the same time, also, fine by me, just with someone else who shared that desire.

      Kinsey reported similar results from his study, now more than 60 years ago; the same-sex experience though occurred during their 16-24 years, and the later identification as straight was 24+ years of age. I can see trying and then moving on, but I find it hard to believe 1 in 10 straight 40 years suddenly want to checkout swapping blow jobs with their buddies.

      Oct 19, 2011 at 5:09 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Darling Nikki
      Darling Nikki

      Closet case much?

      Oct 19, 2011 at 5:13 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Two and a Half Straight Men
      Two and a Half Straight Men

      I’ve had two and half straight men in my days. The half was just about 30 minutes ago! LOL! Off to his wife. God, I should be ashamed. Oh well… The other two were as straight as their cocks. They were also easy going guys without too many hangups about stuff like that. When you add equal parts of easy going, curiosity, and horny… You get a straight dude that will say, WTF.

      Oct 19, 2011 at 5:30 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jason
      jason

      I think 90% of all straight-identifying men actually fantasize about having sex with other men. If there were no women in the world, these men would turn to other men with relative ease.

      Don’t fall for the straight/gay dichotomy. It’s a dichotomy that was invented by homophobic men along with segregationist gays. This relationship between homophobes and gays has confined the male-male sexual notion to a very narrow fringe of our social culture, thus exacerbating the problems for many people who are coming to terms with their sexuality.

      We should encourage the notion that all men are powerful sexual creatures who are entitled to have sexual relationships with other men and without the stigma. Women would be extremely upset with this scenario because women can’t stand the notion that they would need to compete with men for the affections of men.

      Oct 19, 2011 at 5:30 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Daniel Villarreal
      Daniel Villarreal

      @Cam: I’m not entirely clear what you’re asking. Can you please phrase your inquiry in the form of a direct question?

      Oct 19, 2011 at 5:31 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • christopher di spirito
      christopher di spirito

      @Tommy: I can’t answer that. I’m reporting my person, life experiences. It is, what it is.

      Oct 19, 2011 at 5:52 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Chad
      Chad

      I agree with Edward I’ve never met any actual straight or hetero guy who did have sex with a man, or who wanted to have sex with a man at all.

      Kort is doing more harm for closeted or in denial bisexual and gay men who are unsure about their sexuality or in complete denial who hope that they can somehow be LOL “Straight” and yet somehow have sex with men which is a complete contradiction. Kort also seems to deny that men can be bisexual and like you wrote he seems to want to back up the failed theory that men can only be either straight/hetero or gay/homosexual.

      Yes sex with hetero men can happen in prisons, but if you’re out in society unless you’re raped by a gay or bisexual man it’s not going to happen. I don’t know of any actual hetero/straight men who have ever had or wanted to have sex with a man.

      When Joe Kort writes bisexual men need to develop a “gay identity” he is not going to get a lot of bisexual clients – and thank God he is not my therapist!

      Joe Kort is really doing is saying “Its OK if you are straight and want to have sex with men, I won’t fuck with your identity as long as you acknowledge that bisexuals don’t really exist and are separate from your man on man desires.” In otherwords it is just another way to maintain the gay / straight paradigm. But the idea of bisexuals continues to fuck with that paradigm and Joe Kort should actually study human sexuality and realize that he’s reverting back to pre Freud and even pre Kinsey when he says that LMAO “Straight” men have sex with men and are somehow actually heterosexual when everyone knows that if you’re having sex with men and it’s not illegal or forced, and you’re not in prison you’re just bisexual or gay and closeted or in denial about your sexuality.

      Oct 19, 2011 at 6:00 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Chad
      Chad

      In that case Christopher Di Spirito next time you’re not getting sex from a man or a male partner you’re with, are you going to go out and look for women to have sex with since you’re not getting your “needs” met by men?

      Oct 19, 2011 at 6:03 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • To A Point
      To A Point

      I think I would agree with Chad to a point. I think we have to determine the line. If you’re habitually getting off with or on the thought of other guys, you’re at least bisexual. But if you’ve done it only a time or two in your life, I would argue that those men are straight. Just as a gay man who has fucked a woman in the past or might under the right circumstance do it again isn’t necessarily “bi”.

      Oct 19, 2011 at 6:04 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jim Hlavac
      Jim Hlavac

      This man starts off thus: “For straight men who have sex with men, same-sex encounters aren’t about romance or sexual attraction and desire, but about sexual and physiological arousal” — um, excuse me — but 1) “romance” IS “physiological arousal” — it’s called, um, “tingles” or “a tickle up my leg” or “palpitations” or “swooning” or “a pickle in my pants” for all I care — there’s dozens of ways to equate a physiological response and romance — love at first sight, thunderstruck — the language is filled with such terms and idioms and concepts — “hot for him” covers it well, no? Hell, these guys who are “straight” by this man’s reckoning have blue balls over men, for heaven’s sake. Oh, that’s right, it’s still somewhat dangerous to be in open gay romance in most of this country, and often still not welcome in our own homes. Oh, there’s a book tackling this crud.

      And 2) “sexual attraction” is wholly encompassed by “sexual arousal.” One cannot be aroused by what one is NOT attracted to (example: me for woman, yech!) Ergo, this is a creep who is clueless about gay men — and assumes that men in the closet, aka, “denial,” are not gay. Or than men who are still in need of protective devices because of the still prevalent anti-gay attitudes rather rationally say they are straight, and then go gay all the live long day.

      Weirdly, back in the ’70s and into the ’80s, in the bathhouse days, plenty of gay man went in for some arousal by physiological arousal, indeed, and not a lot of “romance” I dare say, and then went on out and pretended they were hetero to keep their jobs and their shelter and their sanity. Egad, what mush. And he demeans our lives to “encounters.” Nasty Putz. From one comment one could spend a week destroying the man’s logic and word use.

      Oct 19, 2011 at 6:50 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • AxelDC
      AxelDC

      For all those who say that “straight” men are just looking for physical pleasure, I’d rather j/o in front of a gay website than sleep with the hottest woman on the planet.

      Just sayin’….

      Oct 19, 2011 at 6:57 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cam
      Cam

      @Daniel Villarreal: Said…

      “@Cam: I’m not entirely clear what you’re asking. Can you please phrase your inquiry in the form of a direct question?”
      _______________________

      I posted several examples of articles Queerty has posted recently that seem to either defend bigots such as Marcus Bachman, or attack a legally married lesbian couple trying to get the same military benefits as their straight counterparts where Queerty suggested they were thieves, as well as examples of articles where Queerty tried to state that bullying was not behind one young man’s suicide, and then actually twisted the comments by his parents to back this up, even though the actual quote did quite the opposit. Now in this article we have a quote from somebody siting a “Study” that supposedly men who have sex with men but call themselves “Straight” really ARE straight. Yet there are no links to the study so that we can see what type of research was used etc… This type of “Study” is the kind of sham science that recently outed closet cases love to use to claim that just because they have slept with 500 guys behind their wives back they are actually straight and appears to be a warm up to defend any new anti-gay closet cases that are outed.

      Previously it was known on Queerty because the old owners posted about it, that the Mormon church tried to offer Queerty a lot of money to take their ads and back off of them.

      My question is this. Why has Queerty suddenly posted so many articles that seem to try to undermine gay rights? And before you say you haven’t, the article defending Marcus Bachman, was posted TWICE. You reedited it and tried to repost it after people were upset at the use of the word “Bullied” to describe his treatment. You also posted TWICE about the one gay kid that you claim bullying didn’t drive to suicide, the second article was the one that tried to twist the parents words.

      Is Queerty getting pressure from it’s owners to give bigots a pass? To try to minimize the effects of bullying? To make it look like a married lesbian couple are wrong for attempting to get proper military benefits? That closet cases really are all straight guys?

      Is NOM, the Mormons, etc… paying for this readjustment in Queerty’s outlook? If not, then why are articles like this basically attacking gays, and supporting people who want to attack us appearing here?

      I’ve been a reader of this blog as have my friends for quite a while, but several of us have noticed this change and are disturbed by it, and judging by the number of comments in postings like the one on Bachman, many other readers feel the same.

      Oct 19, 2011 at 7:23 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cam
      Cam

      Oh, and interestingly enough, the posting here seems to leave off something very important about the study.

      The way that they determined if the men were straight? The men self identified. So in other words, they didn’t run any tests, etc… they just took the men’s word for it.

      Hmm, Gee, nobody has EVER heard of a closet case saying they weren’t gay. (Eye Roll)

      Oct 19, 2011 at 7:37 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Yul Brynner
      Yul Brynner

      Just for kicks, check out Jim Hlavac’s website – it’s risibly bizarre.

      Oct 19, 2011 at 8:21 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • meego
      meego

      @Cam: “Is Queerty getting pressure from it’s owners to give bigots a pass? To try to minimize the effects of bullying? To make it look like a married lesbian couple are wrong for attempting to get proper military benefits? That closet cases really are all straight guys?

      Is NOM, the Mormons, etc… paying for this readjustment in Queerty’s outlook? If not, then why are articles like this basically attacking gays, and supporting people who want to attack us appearing here?”

      Bingo, Cam! This is exactly what’s going on. You really hit the nail on the head with this one. I agree 100%

      Oct 19, 2011 at 8:29 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • christopher di spirito
      christopher di spirito

      @Chad: Why would I want or need to do that? I am very happily married to my same-sex partner. What I shared was personal experiences from when I was single.

      Oct 19, 2011 at 8:35 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Zee
      Zee

      I prefer my men, Gay. But that’s just me…

      Oct 19, 2011 at 8:41 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • PopSnap
      PopSnap

      I like my men single & gay, because I’m not a homewrecking heartless slut, but apparently some of my fellow gays seem to find nothing morally wrong with fucking a married guy! I swear, some people must never have been cheated on. It hurts like somebody ripped your heart out of your chest and pissed all over it, no matter what your sexual orientation is. I’d never do that to another person.

      Oct 19, 2011 at 9:32 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe
      ewe

      This makes sense to me. Maybe not for everyone but for a lot of people.

      Oct 19, 2011 at 9:36 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cam
      Cam

      @PopSnap:

      Yeah, thats right, don’t blame the married guy for cheating on his wife and breaking HIS vows. This sounds like a Jerry Springer show where the two women the guy slept with are attacking each other and ignoring the fact that HE is the cheater.

      Oct 19, 2011 at 9:37 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • iDavid
      iDavid

      The article title is misleading and did not produce results, as they didn’t include the brochure on how to “seduce a straight guy”. Queerty you let me down you dogs!
      Darn it all anyway. ;)

      Oct 19, 2011 at 10:14 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Rusk
      Rusk

      I have a friend who some would describe as a “narcissistic pig”. He’s straight but he basques in the glory of attracting men and women equally. Yeah he may be horny and just sleeps with men to get off when a girl is not available, but man or woman, he or she is just another trophy to boost his ego.

      Oct 19, 2011 at 10:34 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Interesting
      Interesting

      These guys sound like closet case bisexuals who do not understand that it doesn’t mean they want to end up in a relationship with men. I agree with others that I have never met and nor do I know of any other gay men who have met a straight man we could convert.

      On some level this whole conversation is queer theory bullshit in which ‘sexuality is liquid” that Queerty occassionally throws out. Its bullshit because it really is fantasy. People are liquid in the sense that they may like both or either, but not in the sense that a straight man is really going to take it up the ass from a man just because they like anal sex. For the record, having straight friends, when such a guy exist- many women are more than willing to strap on a dildo to keep their man.

      Oct 19, 2011 at 11:32 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Aaron
      Aaron

      I’m gay. I’ve only had relationships with other men. I only watch gay porn, not even interested in bi porn, but I’ve had a handful of blow jobs from women over my 32 years on this earth and I would certainly have another one or 12 if the situation presented itself. So, I can understand how you can enjoy getting off with someone not of the sex you are aroused by…it still feels good…

      Oct 20, 2011 at 1:41 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • RT
      RT

      Umm… We see these people EVERYWHERE!! We call them downlow guys. These guys who aren’t “into scenes” and would like to be “discreet,” are all saying that because they don’t want to be “gay.” Cuz if they accept that they are gay, their current cushy life has to change.

      I have never heard of a case in a gay couple, where either of the spouses are thinking of cheat on their partner with member of opposite sex. This doesn’t happen in truly straight couples either. The man will likely cheat on the woman with another woman.

      If they are straight and like to get off with dudes, that’s not straight nor pansexual, it’s gay. Idiots will always rationalize what they knowingly do wrong.

      Also, the whole argument about “it’s just getting off.”
      Take any of these fools to a glory holed bookstore in Castro. The gay ones will want a guy behind the wall to suck them off. Straight ones will want a chick to do that.

      Oct 20, 2011 at 2:41 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • iDavid
      iDavid

      @Arron

      Good point.

      I think there is alot of bullying and fear regarding the gay bi and str8 categories. I think we should rename the 3 cat. Model to a 1 to 9 system and start calling sexual attraction by number. What a conversation that would bring.

      I think people would be surprised just how fluid they were if fear around sex due to horribly insane religious assholologists were jettisoned off the planet, preferably str8 into the Sun.

      Oct 20, 2011 at 2:44 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe
      ewe [Different person #1 using similar name]

      @ christopher di spirto
      And I’m married to myself. And it feels great!

      Oct 20, 2011 at 5:26 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
      PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS

      With the proper party favors and a decent porn tape ya can pretty much get any dude to drop trou……………

      Oct 20, 2011 at 7:41 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • QJ201
      QJ201

      Joe Kort is an ADJUNCT professor and not even in his trained field (social work). He is also another one of those kooks who have drank the Patrick Carnes kool-aid.

      Oct 20, 2011 at 7:56 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Arkano18
      Arkano18

      To think that a person can be only completely gay or completely straight is a little bit disturbing. Besides, the sexual attraction sometimes differs from the emotional needs.

      Oct 20, 2011 at 8:51 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jason
      jason

      I prefer the word “straight-identifying” to “straight”. Straight-identifying is more specific. It tells you that the person wishes to identify as straight to himself and to the world regardless of what feelings he might have on the inside. It tells you about the wish of the person.

      Keep in mind that the stigma against male-male sexuality is still very huge in our society. Very, very huge. Male-male sexuality entails a rejection of females, something that females find abhorrent. Male-male sexuality also goes against the biological grain that skews human sexual behavior towards reproduction.

      Male-male sexuality also interferes with male bonding; in other words, it brings interactions between men to a base sexual urge and prevents them from forming bonds that unite them in the things that men enjoy as teams – eg sports, wars, gang bangs.

      Oct 20, 2011 at 9:03 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cam
      Cam

      @QJ201: said…

      “Joe Kort is an ADJUNCT professor and not even in his trained field (social work). He is also another one of those kooks who have drank the Patrick Carnes kool-aid.”
      ___________________________________

      So Queerty is printing the comments of an Adjunct professor in SOCIAL WORK, and not even a researcher or one of the people connected with the study.

      Once again, what is going on with Queerty here? This article seems like an attempt to pave the way for the next time a GOP official gets caught with a man, as something they can use to claim they are really straight.

      Oct 20, 2011 at 10:10 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • evanb
      evanb

      @Little Kiwi: Exactly. My experience with otherwise straight, married men has been rarely that interesting, mostly because they’re so wracked with conflict (or so convinced of their right to be serviced by virtue of having a penis); self-centeredness is rarely part of a recipe for a good time in bed.

      Oct 20, 2011 at 10:17 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • evanb
      evanb

      @PopSnap: If I’m entering into a Relationship with someone, I want them single (and gay, for that matter). If I’m tricking with someone, it’s really not MY responsibility that he’s married (or partnered). I don’t need to know if he’s cheating or acting within some agreed-upon set of rules; I only need to be aware of that for myself. If it’s about sex, it’s just about sex.

      Oct 20, 2011 at 10:23 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • spider_orchid
      spider_orchid

      In my opinion these men are just bisexual. I’m sorry, but if you’re having sex with men and YOU’RE a man then you’re not straight. Sorry. I think what people NEED to do is stop labeling things so black and white or gay or straight. Sexuality comes in shades of gray and some of those gray shades are just being bisexual. People are afraid of being bisexual and that’s where articles like this come from. People are always saying “you have to pick one” or “you can’t be both”. I’m gay because I KNOW that I’m not sexually attracted to women at all. If someone is aroused by both them common sense would tell you that they’re bi. *kanye shrug* it all seems simple to me.

      Oct 20, 2011 at 10:43 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Chad
      Chad

      @RT-I know of bisexual men who are partnered to other men who want to have affairs with other men and women.

      I do agree with you that these men are either bisexual or gay but just either in denial or what gets called “Down low” now.

      Oct 20, 2011 at 12:43 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Bryan
      Bryan

      I find the gay obsession with straight guys and having sex with them a bit weird.

      Oct 20, 2011 at 3:17 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Chad
      Chad

      Bryan yes it is very weird. Joe Kort is a gay man so that too plays into his biphobia and his internalized homophobia of wanting sex with Hetero men-which while I can understand the fantasy of a bisexual or gay man wanting sex with a hetero guy-it’s one that will never happen in reality at all.

      A bisexual male friend of mine who is 50 and partnered to another bisexual man told me how his #1 fantasy of all time is to have sex with an actual straight guy.

      I have been on message boards for gay and bisexual men and GLBT people and I get tired of the threads about men claiming that they’ve had sex with an actual “straight” guy.

      Oct 20, 2011 at 3:48 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cam
      Cam

      @Daniel Villarreal: said….

      “@Cam: I’m not entirely clear what you’re asking. Can you please phrase your inquiry in the form of a direct question?”
      __________________________________

      I did so, back on number 21. But gee, no answer. What a shock.

      Oct 20, 2011 at 5:34 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • meego
      meego

      @Cam: Cam, his silence just proves you right.

      Oct 20, 2011 at 6:51 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Joe Kort
      Joe Kort

      I wanted to clarify that I do teach that bisexuality is real and am giving a presentation to therapists on this very topic in March. If you go to http://www.straightguise.com and read through the material you will discover that I absolutely acknowledge bisexuality and am not biphobic in the least.

      I agree there is no effective terminology in identifying men from gay to bisexual to straight. I really like what No. 40 Jason said about straight identifying. That seems most accurate.

      The argument that men who have sex with men must be bisexual is illogical when you think about gay men who have sex with women in and out of marriage. They will tell you that they are gay but that because of their interest in sexual experiences with women to experiment, because they enjoy a particular woman or married her that this is the reason they were able to have sex with her.

      The correct word for one’s sexual and romantic orientation is Cathexis. People’s cathexis can be toward men, women or both. If it is to both it usually is to one gender mores than the other.

      Also, for the record, I am adjunct professor in Social Work and have a Ph.D. in sexology. The research I have done is completely in my clinical practice and in supervising other therapists on this topic.

      Also in no way do I keep closeted men from coming out. I do know that closeted gay men self-identify as straight before coming out.

      I am not talking about these men.

      The men I am talking about are attracted and turned onto women in every way. Their interest in sex with men is about compulsion, sexual abuse, or acting out sexual fantasies that women won’t do.

      And if you knew my work No. 38 QJ201 you would know that while i am trained in sexual addiction I have not swallowed the Carnes Kool-Aid and disagree with much of what is said about sex addicts.

      I am not orthodox in my approach in anything and wish that gay men would become more accepting of differences–the very thing they ask from others themselves.

      I

      Oct 20, 2011 at 7:07 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Interesting
      Interesting

      @Joe Kort: There’s nothing illogical about calling someone bisexual. All bisexual means is having sex with both genders under a context of which it is not forced (e.g., not in prison or some similar coercive context). The reason why I hate queer theory types is that they create a million terms to say the same fucking things. There’s nothing wrong with bisexual if one uses the term correctly. I don’t personally care how someone “identifies” themselves because the problem is that people , in a social context, lie.

      Oct 21, 2011 at 12:13 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cam
      Cam

      @Joe Kort:

      There actually is a way to determine if men are gay, besexual, straight etc… You study their responses to stimulus.

      Where you failed was that this study merely ASKED the men if they were straight, with no testing. So a man could have had sex continually with men for the past 10 years, and loved it, but he says he is straight and that was the end of that.

      The fact that you would use this study merely shows you were more interested in finding a study that agreed with your own opinions and not finding a study that was actually done correctly.

      Oct 21, 2011 at 8:29 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • joekort
      joekort

      This wasn’t a study of mine it was a survey in New York which I talked about on my site.

      My information on heterosexual men who engage is gay sex is from my clinical findings in the therapy room.

      I never said calling someone bisexual is illogical. What i said was that we don’t call heterosexually married gay men bisexual so it doesn’t make sense to cal straight men who have sex with men bisexual because it isn’t always true unless they are truly bisexual.

      A sexual act doesn’t identify a sexual orientation. Sexual acts are separate from orientation which often don’t line up with sexual fantasies.

      Lesbians enjoy watching gay porn that doesn’t make them bisexual.

      Yes there are ways to measure physiological responses and that has been done. My information comes from 27 years of clinical practice.

      The biggest difference between the closeted gay men and straight men having sex with men is that the straight men are not homophobic and say, “if I’m gay then help me come out but I’m sexually and romantically attracted to women not menand it doesn’t fit to make a life with a man for me it doesn’t feel right in my core”. This is what gay men say who are struggling with their sexual orientation and we all understand that.

      The closeted gay men and bisexual men are often very homophobic and biphobic. When I supervise other therapists I hear the same stories around the world of the differences.

      You don’t have to buy into this. I see it in my practice every day.

      Oct 22, 2011 at 5:40 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jim Hlavac
      Jim Hlavac

      @Yul Brynner: Why thank you sir — my site is “risibly bizarre” eh? — quite a statement. I appreciate it — for difference in thought is always to be eschewed, right? Going the extra mile in the logical explanations of our times is not to be condoned, no. Perhaps you shall tell me then what to think and say, and join the leftist cult of thought conformity — as you hide behind the name of someone else? Hmm. I’d call that “risibly bizarre” far more than my site. But thanks for getting a laugh out of it. As I get a laugh out of you. :)

      Oct 22, 2011 at 6:06 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • BlackRockRitual
      BlackRockRitual

      @Edward: I don’t know if I would call it wishful thinking. Just that in your limited experiences, you haven’t been with a lot of straight men.

      Being into straight men is a very common fetish among gay people. And many straight men love to experiment. Also, many “straight” men, are latent bisexuals. There’s so much bisexual erasure out there, a lot of bisexuals don’t realize they are considered anything other than straight.

      Remember how most people don’t think bisexuality exists? That goes for a large portion of bisexuals themselves, who identify as straight, but are more than happy to engage in sex with other men.

      I wonder if I’m crazy for responding to things back in 2011.

      Apr 22, 2012 at 11:03 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Joe Kort
      Joe Kort

      @Chad: I actually address bisexuality quite a bit and do not deny that they exist. I also address closeted gay and bisexual men. These are not the men I am talking about. I am talking about straight men who have sex with other men who are not attracted to other men like we gay and bisexual guys, they are attracted to gay sex. Read http://www.StraightGuise.com and you will learn more about it. In fact, I urge you to do that before judging what I say.

      Apr 23, 2012 at 12:41 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • tanvir
      tanvir

      if you guys want to shag a straight guy, build yourself a muscle or bubble butt and find a guy that calls himself an “ass-man”, act straight and talk about girls and their butts, get him horny, take these girls back to the flat and let him shag them. go out on another night, make sure you don’t pull but get wasted. go back to his or yours, get naked in front of him, show him that bubble butt. get in bed, tell him your horny and you got to wank. do it in front of him, and lean over a little and give him a glimpse of that ass. get your ass close to his dick. encourage him to wank off over it. back your ass up into his dick, grind after a while, his dick will be hard in no time and up in your ass.

      Jul 25, 2012 at 12:05 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Michelle
      Michelle

      I agree with the author, he speaks not in one’s perception but in general, I grew up in the third world country. The straight guys here tend to engage in gay sex because of poverty. They endulge themselves in gay sexual act because of the money or gay for pay but their sexual identity are still intact as straight guys. Most of the straight guys don’t want to reveal their sexual experience with gays because they don’t want to ruin their macho image.

      Jul 27, 2013 at 10:46 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • radiance
      radiance

      I like many find the whole subject interesting.I’m what you would
      call a masculine straight looking acting /bisexual male.I don’t really
      seek relationships or pursue others .I let them pick me so to speak.So
      here’s a quick story.I was walking down the street ,dressed camoflage shorts
      t-shirt,boots.A car stops in front of me and a young spanish offers me a
      ride.I politefully decline saying i need the exercise.He proceeds to tell
      me he finds me handsome.This takes me completly off gaurd.Asks for my number,
      i give it to him.He calls me a week later.I ask to meet him first in public at
      a resteraunt,cause i didn’t really get to see anything but his face.
      Well we go and meet ,this fucking guy is small hispanic,26 yrs old looks like
      he’s 18 cause he is so small,extremly cute.Im 40 masculine type,car,motorcycle,
      mechanic type guy..So now he (at his request) is my boy ,and the reciever
      ( at his request) of anal sex between us.He’s just normal acting.I have sex with
      just like i would with a woman.Kissing everything .

      I have to say this guy looks young ,and super fucking hot skinny guatemalan.The
      guys got balls ,to just stop and hit on me.But he told me ,(HE only likes straight
      or straight acting older (12 yrs difference in age )masculine guys),I haven’t been
      with a guy in several years,and
      this is almost like god answering my thoughts or something.How would he know im
      the right person to ask,maby my walking demenor ,dress or appearnce.Im white
      but the sexual partners i look for are interacial ,its what i like.So i went from
      masterbating to asian guys ,to having a happy friendly hispanic boy,who now comes
      over for casual sex.Its funny the way life works….Just figured i’d share my story..

      Aug 2, 2013 at 10:21 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • KCGorilla
      KCGorilla

      A few people have expressed an idea that I frankly agree completely with. Personally I think if there was no need for sexual labels of gay, straight or bisexual, I don’t think that sex would be an issue at all. We have been encultureated into a simple three category model, but there have been several studies that have found that sexuality is very fluid. Sometimes a man wants to get his rocks off, and quite frankly, if a straight man finds that a gay man can perform to a level that meets or exceeds his expectations, then yeah of course a new world is opened for him. Does this suddenly make him bisexual? In all honesty, I don’t believe it does. There is a need for sexual gratification, and then there is a need for emotional/romantic gratification, and both can be, and are often kept very separate from one another. If we were to wake up tomorrow and enter into a world with no normative values on sexual preference, and no human recollection there ever were any, I think we would have a world where men and women would be more open to finding sexual gratification with partners on both sides. And why not? Half of the fun of being a grown up is having sex, and half of the fun of sex is exploration. Humans are naturally curious creatures. Sex is a POWERFUL devise in our psychology and biology, so it stands to reason that some men and women feel a desire to experiment sexually.

      Nov 22, 2013 at 4:18 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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