Ladies and Ladyboys, are you ready for this year’s Snatch Game? I’m ready. The American people are ready. And the RuPaul Twitter handle is ready. (Seriously, homegirl would not stop tweeting.)
START YOUR ENGINES!
RuPaul’s narration of the games is in rare form:
* “Whoever gets the rooster beak closest to my mouth wins.”
* “On your mark. Get set. Blow.”
* “The object of the game is to get as many rings around that cock.”
* “And you need to carry these eggs—between me down there.”
At the end of the shenanigans, Phi Phi O’Hara is the clear winner. And then something happens that’s even more shocking than her winning—she gives her phone call prize to Chad Michaels.
How nice. How sweet. How uncharacteristically Phi Phi.
Ru then reveals the main challenge: Snatch Game! The girls are to channel a celebrity’s Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent.
Chad Michaels, professional Cher impersonator, chooses Cher. Sharon reveals her gutsy decision to compete as the judge Michelle Visage. (An interesting choice, yes.) And the second Sharon makes an interesting choice, well, Phi Phi has about five hundred negative things to say about it. Classic Phi Phi. Guess I was wrong.
Phi Phi chooses to compete as Lady GaGa (a choice that sent season 2’s Sonique packing). RuPaul advises against it. But Phi Phi does Gaga a lot. She’s been recognized for it. Even hired all over for her Gaga.
Any famous last words?
Ross Matthews and Loretta Devine are our guest judges, and everything starts out as classic Snatch Game: Chad Michales proves that she knows her Cher. She leads with “I spread Le Mer on my toast in the morning. I’m Cher, bitch!” and then changes her wig a few questions in because, “I can’t go five minutes without switching a w
ig.”
A mid-game costume change? Snatch historians will be writing dissertations about this moment for decades.
Sharon did well by playing off of the relationship between Michelle Visage and RuPaul, “We were on uppers, downers and candy corn.” And she had the best response to the question, “Fatty Patty is so fat that when she steps on a scale it says…” “Hello, Madame LaQueer!”
Sharon, just consider that your ticket to the finale.
Latrice Royale plays a convincing and hilarious Aretha Franklin. Sure, her shtick is eating the entire time—but it works. And she gets to eat, so that counts as a double-win.
Willam plays the dumb card with Jessica Simpson. It’s an easy enough card to play, but she throws a packaged wig and keeps us laughing.
ig.”
A mid-game costume change? Snatch historians will be writing dissertations about this moment for decades.
Sharon did well by playing off of the relationship between Michelle Visage and RuPaul, “We were on uppers, downers and candy corn.” And she had the best response to the question, “Fatty Patty is so fat that when she steps on a scale it says…” “Hello, Madame LaQueer!”
Sharon, just consider that your ticket to the finale.
Latrice Royale plays a convincing and hilarious Aretha Franklin. Sure, her shtick is eating the entire time—but it works. And she gets to eat, so that counts as a double-win.
Willam plays the dumb card with Jessica Simpson. It’s an easy enough card to play, but she throws a packaged wig and keeps us laughing.
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Now, I want you to pause. Remember this moment. Because it is before The Snatch Game goes to hot mess crazy town.
Kenya’s Beyoncé is… not. No Beyoncé I know says “I wanna take a sleepy right now,” and then falls out of her chair. It’s like watching a scene from Toddlers and Tiaras but without having parental units to blame.
Jiggly (as Snooki) thinks that Kenya is doing something right and she starts dancing. But it wasn’t funny—just annoying. Next time, study Bobby Moynihan. Or pass out in your own vomit. Both are better than whatever that was.
Milan’s Diana Ross is tragic. But at least she wasn’t as painful as Phi Phi’s trying to be Lady Gaga. Sigh. Where to begin? The awkward air piano playing? The forced “little monsters” reference? The constant dancing? I would have settled for a dated hermaphrodite joke. Nope. Nothing. All bad.
Dida? Well, she’s stuck in the middle of the chaos and trying to keep her Wendy Williams impersonation together. By not failing, she succeeds.
At one point, Kenya/Beyoncé farts (I don’t even think the real Beyoncé farts), and a sadness washes over me. Beloved Snatch Game, what have you become?!
Latrice basically stops speaking; she can’t handle the unprofessional shenanigans. Chad capitalizes on the atmosphere, “I don’t know why they book me on these chicken-shit gigs. I’m an Oscar winner!”
Enough! It’s too much. Take me to the workroom before they put Milan on camera again.
Milan’s Diana Ross is tragic. But at least she wasn’t as painful as Phi Phi’s trying to be Lady Gaga. Sigh. Where to begin? The awkward air piano playing? The forced “little monsters” reference? The constant dancing? I would have settled for a dated hermaphrodite joke. Nope. Nothing. All bad.
Dida? Well, she’s stuck in the middle of the chaos and trying to keep her Wendy Williams impersonation together. By not failing, she succeeds.
At one point, Kenya/Beyoncé farts (I don’t even think the real Beyoncé farts), and a sadness washes over me. Beloved Snatch Game, what have you become?!
Latrice basically stops speaking; she can’t handle the unprofessional shenanigans. Chad capitalizes on the atmosphere, “I don’t know why they book me on these chicken-shit gigs. I’m an Oscar winner!”
Enough! It’s too much. Take me to the workroom before they put Milan on camera again.
Phew. That’s better. Latrice, den mother to the entire world, lets the girls have it. She’s offended by the tomfoolery and locker-room behavior. This is RuPaul’s Drag Race! Sure, they make penis puns, but there are standards.
We then follow Chad Michaels as he calls his partner Adam. It’s a sweet conversation, and we learn that Adam can sew giraffe body suits and often takes phone calls with a full bouquets of roses behind him.
Ah, love.
For the main stage, the girls are supposed to “dress to impress.” It’s a vague and nonspecific direction, but it means we get to see everything from Kenya in a Puerto Rican wrestling outfit to Latrice in an elegant gown. Also, the commentary—because of the addition of Ross Matthews—is exceptional.
Highlights:
* Chad Michaels wears a giraffe body suit.
* Willam struts in leather and lace. Ross loves it, “My safe word is ‘yes please.’”
* The funniest thing associated with Phi Phi all episode, “Is that a shoulder pad or is she happy to see me?”
* Milan goes for Janelle Monae, but it looks more like Bruno Mars on Red Bull.
* Dida Ritz wears a teddy bear skirt. Okay? Not what I was expecting, but thanks for serving it.
* Sharon Needles comes out with a Botox needle, plastic surgery bandages, and I’m so happy she exists.
Top three:
Willam
Chad Michaels
Sharon Needles
Bottom three:
Milan
Kenya Michaels
Phi Phi O’Hara
None of these are surprises. Chad is such a professional at Cher that it’s hardly fair, Sharon continues to make us laugh, and Willam finally proves that she’s a little more than just smack talk.
The winner is… Cher! I mean, Chad Michaels!
As the top three are leaving, Willam interrupts everything to do a fake cry. Oh, poor Willam has no drag queen friends. She’s just an actor! And then she tells us that she was on Boston Public with Loretta Devine. And, sniff, it’s so sad that one of these girls leaving tonight so she can win.
Please.
Pardon me, Willam, while I use the imaginary violin playing in the background to smack you across the face.
The focus turns to our bottom three, and Phi Phi is spared another week. But seriously, her days are numbered. I don’t think dissing Sharon Needles or heavy makeup application counts as legitimate talents. Girl, learn some new tricks.
Fighting for their chance to stay, Milan and Kenya lip-synch to “Vogue.” And finally we have an even elimination competition! No one takes of her shoes or just stands there and points; these two girls work it out and do this song proud: plenty of splits, back bends, and no unnecessary stripping or wig chucking.
Dida Ritz admits to how she’s not sure which way the judges will go. I think Kenya might have an advantage because she wasn’t in the bottom two last week; however, that clearly doesn’t matter. Milan, you stay.
Kenya, sashay away.
Queerty readers, what do you y’all think of this week? Did the right queen go home? And can we start a formal petition to have Chad Michaels come back every week?
Next week: We have a complete foil to The Snatch Game: A wet t-shirt competition. Latrice looks like she struggles, while Willam appears to be in her slutty element.
Jason Sweeten writes words. He remembers when Pandora Boxx got scurvy from riding a disco stick. Girl, you doing okay?
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19 Comments*
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Latest*
B-Rock
Honestly, I never think the snatch game is very funny. In fact, it usually looks pretty painful for everyone. You have to actually have intellect and a quick wit to be good at it, and from this episode I’d say Sharon did the best in that regard. Chad’s impersonation was the most spot-on, but it’s clear that her lines were just the culmination of years of doing Cher rather than thinking on her feet.
I can’t believe crusty old Milan and Jiggly are still in the running this late in the game while a solid queen like Kenya is sent home. Why didn’t you just do Charro, Kenya?! You sort of ARE her already…
stevoj
@B-Rock: i agree with you about Milan and Jiggly… complete wastes of space. i have to disagree about Kenya though. she’s just as flat and those two, and all she makes me do is long for the days of yara sofia
now that was a solid queen
DenverBarbie
This season just feels so much more scripted and coached than other seasons (hello, synchronized lip synch). And yet, feels so unpolished by comparison!
That Snatch Game was awful, but Chad, Willam, and (my favorite of the week) Sharon were hysterical. Dida as Williams was pretty funny, as well.
QJ201
Willam, Chad and Sharron should be the final three if there is any justice.
Through a mutual friend I met Chad in LA in 2004…class act, no attitude.
And I will always love Willam for “Tranny McGuyver”
Mikey
I absolutely hate Willam. I was sick of her as soon as the first episode reached the 2 minute mark. Seriously, STFU about how many sitcoms you’ve been on. You still look like a man. I feel that Chad is very one dimensional. We’ve seen Cher, now it’s just a question as to whether or not there’s more she can do.
If there’s any justice on Drag Race, Milan and Jiggly will be seeing the door soon. I love Phi Phi, but girl needs to step her game up before RuPaul shows her the door.
Kam
Am I the only one that likes Phi Phi and not really digging on Sharron? Sure, Sharron has a cool schtick. But her ego is starting to get a bit much for me and I really loved when Phi Phi called her Party City. As for Phi Phi, I’m pretty sure she makes it to the final four given a photo hint about the episodes, so don’t count her out. Plus, she’s gorgeous out of drag, but that’s the vain shallow in me wanting her to succeed. Root for the pretty ones, haha.
tookietookie
Sharon, Chad, and Willam are great, but I also like Latrice. She just seems like a nice person and she has brought big girl drag better than anyone else has thus far.
The rest can go home. At first, I was sort of like eh maybe Milan, but she has turned out to be a disappointment.
And I agree with the previous poster who gave a shout out to Yara Sofia. She was one of the best ever!
SebX
I must say that Sharon has really, really surprised me and she’s my favourite.
I love Latrice’s personality. She’s so sweet while still being fierce, and it all comes from a very honest place.
Phi Phi is the hottest out of drag and… that’s it. Willam is hot, IMO, and even though he has funny moments very far and between, it’s not enough. And sometimes you can still see the shadow of his beard.
Mark
I ADORE Sharon Needles, who always surprises on the runway. I also love Latrice Royale, but her runway is the same from show to show. “I feel big and beautiful.”
The only act I’d pay to see is Ms. Needles, because she is always innovative. The final three have to be Sharon Needles, Latrice Royale and Chad Michaels. Sharon for da win.
jj
Sharon needles better win this season, shes the only one whos not insufferable this season.
Kevin
Jason, you DO realize that Sharon is spelled with only one ‘r’, yes?
Willam seems to be the most divisive character this season. Everyone has different opinions about her, and then different opinions about her different aspects from her drag to her attitude to what she talks about. Personally, I think she’s very funny and enjoyed seeing her do Jessica Simpson, but I think her drag does fall a bit flat.
Phi Phi and Sharon are friends now, by the way. But Sharon for the win.
Jawsch
How on earth can anyone sit here and say Willam looks hot or is a good drag queen? o.0
She looks like a boy in his sisters street clothes and CoverGirl makeup. And his incessant droning about “I’ve been on this sitcom” got old after the first few minutes. Bitch if you’re already this famous for being an extra, why the hell do you need to be on RPDR?
I liked Phi Phi until these latest episodes where she’s nothing but a tired old queen who thinks she’s the shit and does nothing but talk shit and start drama. Sharon, from the start, was my favorite. Latrice is another. Phi Phi looks great but hate her attitude. Kenya looks amazing but seems to only do the same fishy look.
Why on earth Jiggly and Milan are still here is beyond me. I think Madame Laqueer was taken out too soon. While she struggled the last two runways, from the start I loved her look and her makeup.
Jason Sweeten
@Kevin: Ha. Thanks for keeping me honest.
B-Rock
@stevoj: Fair enough. She definitely wasn’t my favorite but I think she had more going for her than the other two, and I guess I’m partial to people who are batshit insane…
Latrice is definitely neck-and-neck with Sharon for me in the “would most want to grab a beer with” department. I love how when all the bitchy bullshit starts up, she’s just sitting there with that “whatever bitches, I saw people get sliced like every day in prison” look on her face. The Princess was up there too, although that could be because she was the boy I was most partial too, but it’s true that her niceness was her downfall in the cold, hard world of drag stardom. :’-(
Tim
I kind of expected Kenya to go further, but she wasn’t top tier. This is kind of that point in the season when the best rise to the top, and we have to wait a few episodes to weed out the middle. Milan, Dita, and Jiggly will go next. Phi Phi annoys the hell out of me. She has this fake confidence and need to appear as if she is caring for everyone else while constantly bringing the attention back to herself, which cover a deep insecurity. Her look is forgettable and indistinguishable from thousands of other drag queens and performances always cringe-inducing. Top three will be Sharon, Latrice, and either Willam or Chad.
ScaryRussianHeather
Chad had alot to lose doing Cher with comedy. He could have been boring, flat, had nothing funny to say, and not believable. He nailed the comedy with improvisation and managed to stand out and deliver sitting in a row of awful distracting attention hoars acting like 10 year olds. It’s very different doing a lip sync on a stage as Cher versus actually inventing and delivering lines and body language that makes you think you’re actually watching the real Cher.
@Mikey I dont see him as one dimensional at all. He scored high as a wrestler, Valley Girl, middle aged Golden Girl and drunk Lindsay Lohan type-getting- arrested so far.
To me, Chad and Sharon are in an entirely different league than the others. Latrice is awesome but was boring and broke down during the chaos of the Snatch Game. She should have been able to stay in character and deliver so she loses points for that.
wc1
@ScaryRussianHeather:
I am definitely rooting for Sharon, Chad, Latrice, and Willam.
But I think you are right, for all of Latrice’s talk about being “professional”, she pretty much gave up during the last half of Snatch Game. A professional would have carried on no matter how pissed off she was at the antics of the “romper room” in the front row.
As an aside, Im so over Phi Phi. Girl, you don’t get to talk like your shit don’t stink, when you shit does in fact stink. Win a challenge and then talk.
willam
Guess what? All the bitches that are the show with me WANTED TO BE ON TV just like i wanted to! I accomplished it. Whoo whooo. no one cares (including me). Now that I’ve been on TV, I talk about it…WHEN ASKED! i didn’t bring up that shit except when asked.
They called me to get a tape, not the other way around FYI. (now that sounded cunty)
BTW Calling me a bitch is wrong too since i’m such a friggin dude. just call me an asshole. less emasculating too.
thanx. gotta go shave. bye.
WILLAM
TASTEY GOODIES
MY PREDICTION IS SHARON, CHAD, WILLAM, AND LATRICE. BUT I AM VOTING FOR SHARON ALL THE WAY. SHE IS SO FRESH AND OUT-THE-BOX. IT KINDA FEELS LIKE WATCHING MARYLIN MANSON, DAWN OF THE DEAD, ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW, AND GENITORTURERS ALL ROLLED UP IN ONE HAPPY N’ TWISTED BALL OF SADISTIC FUN!!! PLEEEEEEEEZE GIMMME MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE!!!!!