Hi, readers! Editor Andrew Belonsky here. I rarely write in first person unless in interview mode, but there's something I'd like to discuss with you - something very important that requires your undivided attention. (Not pictured.)

Now, you may be surprised to hear this, but my penis got grabbed three times last week. Three times! That's pretty incredible for someone who rarely leaves his desk and hasn't had sex since 1873.

Under different circumstances I would have been thankful for such a high volume of phallic attention, but none of the aforementioned gropes were invited - or welcome.

Boy can't catch a break in this town…

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