A huge portion of young heterosexual couples — both married and unmarried — have no idea whether they’re monogamous or not, Oregon State University researchers conclude. Some 40 percent of the 434 couples surveyed, whose partners were ages 18-25, had differing views on whether their relationships were exclusive or not. And among those couples where both partners agreed to be monogamous? In 30 percent of the relationships, at least one partner cheated. The gays have already found two solutions for this: by eliminating the word “monogamy” from their vernacular all together, or calling bullshit on the concept.
scott ny'er
Who calls bs on the concept? I believe in monogamy.
Jess
I find that offensive, I believe in monogamy and am currently in a monogamous relationship now. I’ve met quite a few gay men that believe in and practice monogamy. There is an issue with anonymous sex in the gay community, that’s a well know fact but stereotyping all gays like as that type of person is insulting.
Now if that was supposed to be a joke whoever wrote this article needs to work on their writing skills because it certainly did not come off of that way.
PopSnap
@Jess @Scott
Agreed. Guys can be sluts too, folks, and I don’t like sluts.
hotone2me
..Hum, hello.. anonymous sex is sooo 1990’S… This is the decade of settling down!!! GET WITH IT!!
( Now this as a disclaimer)
All people gay or straight have to right to have the relationship that they wish. If you are someone who has one partner or one that has multiple partners… That’s on you!!!
I don’t value it either way… unless I am in a relationship with you.
and in that case, as we used to say when I was a kid
“tick-tock, the game is locked… nobody else can play!!”
One man type of fellow here!!
divkid
yep, me too, im down wit’ya monogamy and all other types of hard wood.
however, i think open relationships, or even general sluttery are equally valid (as long as you don’t have kids).
but for some this slut road exacts a toll longterm, resulting in deadened emotions, so requires a hardened heart and the need cultivate a lack of sentiment. but if thats you: fill your boots.
Jay
Might I recommend The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton? Gave me a completely different perspective on polyamory, and although it didn’t convince me to seek out a polyamorous relationship, it at least gave me a little more respect for others who do. I would think as a sexual minority, LGBT individuals would be well aware of the dangers of moral superiority and would at least give forms of non-monogamy some deeper consideration before assuming that monogamy is the best and only way to love.
DavyJones
@Jay: I don’t think that’s what anyone here is doing. What the posters above are pointing out is that the idea that all gays are “eliminating the word ‘monogamy’ from their vernacular all together, or calling bullshit on the concept” is a stereotype that is far too often shoved down our throats. It’s also a point that the right loves to bring up as a counter to gay marriage. So one would expect an outfit like Queerty would try to keep such crap out of it’s write ups.
Chris
I fully believe in monogamy because I like it. I’ve tried other ways, and found them to be completely unsatisfying. I’m not moralizing the issue, I am stating my preferences.
It normally gets me depressed to see such things in gay articles, but the comments have been quite nice so far.
kayla
If people want to whore around…so be it… I just don’t get the point of getting married and then whoring around…what’s the point….this is one of the reasons Dan Savage turns my stomach…I just don’t get it…call me a moralizing traditionalist…but I do feel a little moral outrage over people getting married and screwing around…leave marriage alone…It’s 12 years of Sunday School and the 8 years of Christian Summer Camp…..I can’t help myself…
Steve
I and my partner of 20 years, have been monogamous the entire time. I am very confident that he has never “cheated” on me, and I know that I have not cheated on him.
I do not doubt that some gay couples are not monogamous. I do not doubt that some gay people spend entirely too much time in singles bars, drinking and cruising. But to say that all gay people do those things, is just ridiculous.
We go to church most weeks, have a dog and a house, and socialize with other couples and long-time friends. The great majority of our friends have similar social patterns.
Jack
This strikes me as bogus. “18 to 25 years old”…. barely more than children, and the least stable and mature group. “Married or not…” isn’t that the point? If you’re not married you haven’t committed to monogamy yet by definition… and yet this is included in the statistics on monogamy? This is so ridiculous.
BobN
“The gays have already found two solutions for this: by eliminating the word “monogamy” from their vernacular all together, or calling bullshit on the concept.”
Uh… Dan’s strongest point is that couples should talk about the issue, repeatedly, throughout their relationship, acknowledging the desires, etc. You can’t do that if the word has been “eliminated”. Stop pandering.
Jeff
Wait what?! If you’re a monogamous gay person you’re bullshit? Why do these blogs do this to us in every post? Make it seem LESS slutty to sleep around because “everyone is doing it” or make it seem like we all agree with that. Be polyamorous if you want to, just leave generalizing terms out of it.
Straight Not Narrow
I have been in a non monogamous relationship with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We are happy. He is also happy with his secondary partners. I am happy with mine. My secondary partners are happy with their primary partners. We are all very happy together and very successful individually. I take pride in being my own “other half” while having meaningful and strong relationships with my other partners.
Jeffree
@Straight Not Narrow: Hey, if it works for you — which it sounds like it does — then carry on! enjoy! Every duo / trio etc. needs to find out what works best for them. There was a whole lotta polyamory going on in the Bible, something many religious people seem to forget! (and they hate to be reminded of, lol)
Lesbians & gay men & bisexuals are often accused of being unwilling & unable to form committed relationships, yet when those of us who want to get married seek the right, 30+ states won’t let us. And when we want to adopt, many agencies say “Nope.”
Thanks for stopping by!
Jeffree
Straight Not Narrow
Jeffree, I agree! When monogamy works, it is a beautiful thing! I obviously feel you on the issue of gay marriage and adoption. Adoption especially perplexes me because despite one’s political association, one would think that gay couples would be best for adoption. Gay couples cannot accidentally become parents like straight folk. They would only commit to parenthood when they are ready and when they really want it.