A grieving mother is opening up about the tragic loss of her young son, who took his own life days after coming out to his classmates.
Jamel Myles was just 9-years-old when he came out to his mother, Leia Pierce, telling her during a summer car ride that he was gay.
“And he looked so scared when he told me. He was like, ‘Mom I’m gay.’ And I thought he was playing, so I looked back because I was driving, and he was all curled up, so scared. And I said, ‘I still love you,'” Pierce told local news station KDVR.
Jamel also told her he wanted to start wearing clothes typically thought of as feminine.
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“And he goes, ‘Can I be honest with you?'” Pierce continued. “And I was like, ‘Sure,’ and he’s like, ‘I know you buy me boy stuff because I’m a boy, but I’d rather dress like a girl.'”
As school started up again and Jamel entered the fourth grade at Joe Shoemaker Elementary School in Denver, he decided to come out to his peers.
“He went to school and said he was gonna tell people he’s gay because he’s proud of himself,” Pierce said.
He was bullied at school, and four days later, Jamel killed himself inside his home, Pierce said.
She believes the treatment he faced at school factored into the tragic event.
“Four days is all it took at school. I could just imagine what they said to him,” Pierce said. “My son told my oldest daughter the kids at school told him to kill himself. I’m just sad he didn’t come to me.”
The school district says it has extra help available to Pierce’s family, as well as students affected by the death.
Pierce hopes that a conversation about bullying doesn’t get lost in the mix.
“We should have accountability for bullying. I think the child should. Because the child knows it’s wrong. The child wouldn’t want someone to do it to them. I think the parent should be held because obviously the parents are either teaching them to be like that, or they’re treating them like that,” she said.
Xzamilloh
My grandmother used to tell me what a sheltered kid I was and that I would never be ready for the real world and its cruelties because I would always lock myself up in my room. What she chose to ignore was that I was already being exposed to its cruelties, having to deal with constantly being called too dark, too fat, too ugly, and being physically accosted while others laughed and I was too intimidated to say anything except laugh along with it on the outside while dying on the inside and counting the hours when I could escape it and go to my room and close them out.
I never contemplated suicide, but I know what it’s like to feel like there’s nowhere to turn. It’s just a shame this child was so young, and he’ll never know that there can be a light at the end of the tunnel. What is the answer, though? I don’t think these kids will ever really stop being cruel, so do we step in and protect these bullied kids? Does that in turn put more of a target on their backs?
I hate these damn stories so much. It just shows how much worse LGBT youth still have it when they decide to come out.
NH Mike
Well said.
Bob LaBlah
Xzamilloh, here’s a big hug from me. My living hell didnt begin until I got to high school and noticed a lot of kids I went to grade school with were deserting me. After a thirty plus year absence I moved back home and even though all of that happened forty years ago I still find it difficult to speak to one big fat cow whom I thought was my best friend for life. Her desertion hurt the worst and I still have vivid memories of her calling me derogatory names in the lunch room. I don’t think I will ever forgive her. My experiences had a lot to do with my attitude toward feeling close to people. I am a loner more or less because I never forgot what it felt like to be abandoned for no other reason than my being gay.
DarkZephyr
@Bob, sometimes you say things that I don’t always really agree with but right now I feel your pain immensely.
I too thought somebody was MY best friend for life and she also deserted me because I am gay. It really does affect you and make you question your own self worth at times. You know what’s really absurd? This happened just last year. She and I had been best friends since high school. I am now 41 years old and she is 42. After being best friends since we were teenagers, she allowed her increasingly growing conservatism and Trump love make her drop me like a hot potato, with no warning whatsoever despite the fact that I was careful not to mention politics around her ever. The fact that I’m gay was more than enough for her to turn her back on me after being my best friend for well over 20 years, and knowing I was gay for 22 of them. It really sucks. Even after all these years, that old rejection for being gay is still a ****ing severe mental blow and knife wound to the heart that makes you feel like disposable trash.
Kangol
Great points. This story is so very tragic. One answer is for school leaders and educators to set policies, with penalties, about bullying. Far too often school officials look the other way, or only respond after the fact. That isn’t going to stop all bullying and cruelty, but it can go a long way. Another component is having professional counselors in place in schools to provide a sounding board for kids; this is necessary not just for those who are being bullied, but also for the bullies themselves, who often have psychological and personal issues that are not being addressed.
Hussain-TheCanadian
This is so sad, a young life gone just like that. I hope the school is going start an investigation- who were the bullies, their parents, and did any of the teachers know this was going on?
Junior high for me was the worst, I was called sand n*gger, paki, “go home”, “you dont be long here” – Thank god the teachers and the principle intervened; even so the hurt from sh*t like this becomes an emotional affliction that takes years to get over.
Denise
I couldn’t agree more. I was always so happy with our sons’ school, where the teachers took a proactive stance if they had any expectation that a child might be bullied, or was different. For example, a child with autism was in one son’s class, so the teacher did a little spiel — all very positive — about the challenges Mark faced and how his classmates could help him. And she made the kids feel like they’d be heroes for helping him. And they recently had an evening event on transgender kids (now state laws and how the district was implementing them) — and I went, mainly so I could yell and scream if any bigots showed up) — and I was delighted because the school’s concern was obviously that ALL kids be protected, and NO one in the crowd was anything but caring and concerned. And let’s face it, not one is BORN bigoted, and they learn bullying and bigotry at home.
inbama
Being a very old man but with clear memories of my childhood, I seriously don’t understand how young children are supposed to deal with any of this.
We congratulate each other on having the courage to come out. Do we really expect that 9 year olds will have the courage to deal with the cruel repercussions of publicly making life decisions that they are too immature to comprehend?
There’s a kind of utopian thinking that is at work here.
Tombear
And people wonder why there are school shootings?
Kieran
Didn’t there used to be a “latency period” where kids could just concentrate on being care free kids without it being complicated by sexuality?
DCguy
Oh look, one of the accounts that regularly defends Trump and other anti-LGBT bigots insinuates that this is the victim’s fault. What a shock.
DarkZephyr
Kieran, what planet did you grow up on?
Here on planet earth, that’s not true even if you DON’T come out of the closet.
How can you possibly have grown up a gay man in this country and think that?
Kids come up with their own sordid mental scenarios for their peers that they suspect of being gay even if those peers NEVER come out. Then they mercilessly bully and tease them within an inch of their life and often beyond that, as this story shows.
Scout
DCguy, Every time I read one of your posts, and I’ve read many of them and you post daily in many threads, I am impressed by how bitter and angry you are by every commenter that doesn’t agree with you. I have yet to read a comment of yours that has not taken a negative tone.
gayjim1969
Umm…No, there has never been a latency period regarding sexuality in childhood. As a parent of a small child will tell you, just try and keep a little kid from exploring their body at inappropriate times.
Many people report they knew their attraction to others at an early age. My first crush was when I was 7 years old–and my peers called me “f@&,” “sissy, and “qu33r,” throughout grade and junior high school, even though I never told anyone about it. Whether you come out or not, often the abuse comes your way.
Scout
His mother might have advised him to either wait or explore his coming out at age 9 with a best friend or a close cousin first, to go slowly opening up to others. Besides, I agree with Kieran above. Isn’t 9 a bit young to concern oneself with sexuality, instead enjoying his bike, his games, and experiencing more of life at that young age?
DarkZephyr
Scout, I say the same thing to you that I said to Kieran. If you think that’s the case, you did NOT grow up LGBT on the planet Earth.
Mick406
His mother should have told him to cool it with actively seeking to tell everyone. He was too young to become embroiled in such delicate matters. I’m not say ‘suppress’ his feelings. I’m just saying don’t go public with it until he became a little more mature. He didn’t know what he was getting into, but she did. He needed to just play along with the rest of the kids and be noncommittal for awhile. Just be a ‘neutral’ kid until the time was right to proclaim his sexuality.
gayjim1969
Mick406–When would the right time have been to come out, especially when he was intent in doing so? I would have talked to my child and tell them that they will be bullied and have a difficult time if they tell their classmates, but if they are unphased, it is their decision. I would be there to support them.
Scout
Dark Zephyr, I guess you and I did grow up on different planets. Mine was earth. I don’t think sexual awakening occurs till puberty still. At age 9 I knew I liked boys more than girls and had crushes on boys, but I was more involved with making sure the spokes on my bike had enough bottle caps, and my friends and I could hardly wait for the apples to ripen so we could have apple fights. Halloween, Christmas, and July 4th were big events for the kids I grew up with. Sure there was some bullying among kids at school, but nobody thought themselves “Gay” in the third grade.
Kangol
Good for you but your experience was not this little boy’s. Not everyone’s youth is as carefree as yours sounds like it was. This little boy recognized his sexual orientation at nine, not at “puberty,” and wanted to share an essential part of himself with others. Because of the abuse he experienced in response, he killed himself. Now his mother is without a child and he’s gone from this earth. Show some decency to this poor child and try not to blame and shame him. Step outside your own personal experience and have some empathy for a child who was bullied and will now never be able to experience the rest of his childhood, let alone adulthood.
Scout
Kango, I am not blaming a boy who was only 9 years old, but I am placing some accountability on his mother for not providing him the wise advice he needed as I discussed in my previous post. Read above.
Denise
I think you need to remember that every child is different. I, too, wish his mom had advised him to go slowly — but she will never recover from her loss and, I’d suspect, her guilt. What a heart-breaking tragedy.
Mick406
His mother should have told him to cool it with actively seeking to tell everyone. He was too young to become embroiled in such delicate matters. I’m not say ‘suppress’ his feelings. I’m just saying don’t go public with it until he became a little more mature. He didn’t know what he was getting into, but she did. He needed to just play along with the rest of the kids and be noncommittal for awhile. Just be a ‘neutral’ kid until the time was right to proclaim his sexuality.
inbama
I’m certainly not blaming the kid or the mother – we’re the ones putting this out. Encouraging kids to be as effeminate or gender-nonconforming as possible when we know it’s going to get them beaten up and even driven to suicide. The other weird part of this, when they reach adulthood and learn the gay rules are “no femmes or fatties.” Whether it’s love they want or just getting laid, being the biggest queen in the room isn’t helpful.
About a year ago, all the gay reporters attacked Russell Tovey because he said he was glad his old man knocked the nelliness out of him. Of course physical abuse is not the way to go about it, but heck, isn’t it better to be able to defend yourself, do better in your career and grow up to be a man who’s attractive to other men?
gayjim1969
I knew I was attracted to boys before puberty, so you need to open you need to open your mind. I didn’t tell ANYONE when I was in grade school or junior high, but I knew. You didn’t know what boys thought about themselves–you didn’t have mind control abilities, so you didn’t know what those boys–like me–were hiding for fear of being beaten up and ostracized throughout their childhood and adolescence. You only have your own experience to go by, so please stop generalizing your inner experience to all of us.
rray63
I’m sure I’ll get attacked for asking this but why, why are we having children come out of the closet at 9 years old? I’m not saying be ashamed or anything of the sort, I along with all the adults in my family knew I was gay from a very young age. I really think that the images and ideas we are seeing these days encourage kids like this poor young person to feel that it’s just great to “come out”. You come out when you are ready to and that should be explored with your parents (unless they happen to be homophobes), in which case perhaps someone in the school system or even a sympathetic counselor or psychiatrist should be consulted. I say sympathetic because some of them aren’t as good as others. Don’t hate me for asking, but I really do feel 9 y/o is just to young to come out, you can’t possibly understand what is involved at that age. Even for teenagers, I’m not sure they know what is involved. My heart goes out to his family. It is a loss to our community that can never be replaced.
russdog
Is it that you can’t fathom something so horrible happening that you have to create an alternate reality, or you’re just insensitive? No one’s *having* kids come out at any age. There’s no program pushing children to come out. You said “you come out when you are ready and that should be explored with your parents”. Well that’s what happened here. This kid knew more about himself than most his age. His loving mother encouraged rather than shamed him. He had years to figure out the nuances of sexuality, but he knew he was different and put a name to it. I knew the same thing at that age, only I didn’t put the pieces together until I was 12. I was already bullied as a “sissy” attacked by dogs, urinated on, isolated, beaten, had my life threatened, so I knew whatever my peers saw in me wasn’t acceptable. It takes work to get over that abuse. Neither he nor his mother has any blame or responsibility in this. Look at the bullies and those who raised them to behave so cruelly towards another person. They and the adults responsible for keeping kids safe at school are the ones responsible.
Bob LaBlah
I couldn’t agree more with your comment. At nine years old your mind should not be on sex and telling others about what your desires are. We live in a world now where “if it feels good then do it.” and once the word gay is mentioned the first thing that goes thru the mind of others is sex between two men. Kids are a lot smarter about sex these days than I was and know what he was getting at. Its sad to say this but if you look at the video it would not shock me if the poor kid needed counseling. I think in his case it was more than believing he was gay that sparked this tragic event. It would not shock me to learn he had been molested. RIP Jamel.
Mick406
rray63
I think you are right. When I was 9 I was doing stuff with both boys AND girls. We played ‘doctor’ and ‘explored’. We didn’t know what sex was, but we sure had curiosity. What was the rush for this kid to declare himself in an adult sex world? There was nothing to accomplish.
Us boys ‘played’ with each other and compared. I did what I thought were passionate kisses with girls too. I remember one thing . . . I got some kind of ‘tingly’ on the inside whether I was diddling with boys or lovin’ on girls. My body was sort of parked in ‘neutral. I like ’em both! It was when I was about 12 or 13 when a cousin ‘demonstrated’ masturbation to me. Of course, as a male, I became infatuated with this new found pleasure and ‘practiced’ it every day! :))
In high school, I had a very best friend who played on the basketball team with me. We were small town athletic stars. We both dated cheerleaders. We both spent the night with each other many times, sleeping in the same bed. I soon discovered that I found more excitement under the sheets with him than I did with the girls.
I reckon I was about 60-40 bi. It was right after my Senior year that I discovered and forced myself to accept I had more gay tendencies than hetero. It was difficult for me to accept when engaged in normal ever day activities and I kept it out of my mind. But when I ‘teamed up’ with a guy, I threw all that emotional baggage out of the window and proceeded with great vigor. I accepted it. Well . . . I accepted it for the moment. It was the next day where I wanted to ditch the guys and go looking for girls. I had a rough time figuring it all out.
That’s why I cannot believe a 9 year old is ANYWHERE ready to be declaring himself ANYTHING! And how could a 9 year old know anything about ‘gayness’ and all the things that come with it. Some adult has been feeding him with all this ‘great’ knowledge and it affected him enough that he decided to kickstart the process and speed everything up, like he was obligated to. I don’t think he knew he was gay no more than when you ask a kid what he wants to be when he grows up and he says a fireman, or a policeman, a doctor, electrician, teacher, or whatever. Almost ALWAYS, a kid never grows up to go into the profession he talked about in his childhood.
This whole scenario should be labeled more ‘impractical’ than putting any sexual validation on it.
DHT
I agree that he should have been dissuaded from coming out to everyone in school, he should have pursued a more gradual course. Even today, although I don’t hide my sexuality, neither do I let everyone I meet know.
gayjim1969
Mick406 and rray63
I never had any interest in playing with girls in an “explorative” fashion, only with boys. I had girlfriends and boyfriends (both platonic), but my interest in the girls never went below the belt–they were always like sisters to me.
My curiosity always centered on boys exclusively throughout childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. That is the difference between me and you, Mick406. You are bisexual–I am gay; You respond sexually to both sexes, while I only respond to males.
When someone only has one switch turned on, and one gender they respond to, they know from a young age who and what they are.
BeachBear
At nine years old it shouldn’t be called ‘coming out’ it should be called BEING YOURSELF and apparently this young boy was courageous enough to be proud of what who he was and how he felt and wanted to share it with others. He is a brave little hero if only for 4 days. So sad.
DHT
This is so sad, his mother must be insane with grief. I am not faulting her at all, she seems like a wonderful woman, but I wish his mother had thought to speak to someone about the dangers before allowing him to come out at school at the age of 9. I understand that she is sad he didn’t come to her about the bullying, I really wish though for her sake she had gone to him to find out how it went. At least this might serve as a warning to other parents.
gayjim1969
Did it occur to anyone that the boy made his decision and–short of sitting at his desk with him and putting duct tape over his mouth–the mother had little choice but to let her son decide to come out for himself? She couldn’t be there with him 24/7. If he wanted to come out, he was going to do it.