In Quotes

Mother’s Guilt: Gay Male Couples Skirting The Baby Issue

The shift in public opinion and the simple question — Are you having children? — is nothing short of a marvel to some gay men, perhaps even more so than to lesbians, for whom giving birth has always been an option….But some gay men who have no plans to have children view the shift as something of a mixed blessing. On one hand, they welcome the sense of inclusion that comes with always being asked about children. On the other hand, they are always being asked about children.”

The New York TimesRachel L. Swarns on the pressure male couples face now that their mothers have gotten past the whole “gay” thing and have settled comfortably into the “When are ya gonna make me a grandmotha?” thing.

Get Queerty Daily

Subscribe to Queerty for a daily dose of #gayparents #same-sexcouples stories and more


  • Laura

    Bwahaha, Welcome to our world guys. You wanted to be treated normally? Cool, you get to deal with the annoyances as well. =] Good luck~

  • Chuck

    @Laura: xD LOL.

    I guess in a way I’m lucky that my parents are still at the “You can’t be gay!” stage.

  • Lifer

    Be careful what you wish for, cause you just might get it.

  • Dionte

    First I have to find a husband.

  • Kiro

    There’s just no pleasing some people.

  • Triple S

    @Dionte: Not necessarily; lots of couples have kids without getting married. Of course, that’s usually because they created their child through the traditional means.
    Getting married, at least in America makes it easier to get a child, o I can see where you’re coming from.

  • Jake

    Actually far more states allow a gay couple to adopt or a second same sex parent to be named a parent than allow same sex marriage.

  • Ruhlmann

    I knew I wouldn’t have children before I knew I was gay. I think it’s great that this is available to people who want it though. I am content to be a good uncle that my nieces and nephews will talk to when they are at odds with their parents.

  • Timmeeeyyy!!!

    I love the NY Times, but their “trends” articles are simply awful. Some writer’s friend shows up to a party with striped socks, and suddenly there’s a trend article about it. I would love to know who these “some gays” are that the writer has been talking to.

  • Ronn

    I actually love this question. It was one that somewhat brought my Dad out of his homophobic shell. Once my husband and I had our first baby, he was finally able to see that we gays want the exact same thing as most straight couple want -including having a kid. And just like many straight folks my dad thought that gay automatically meant being parentless for the rest of your life. i love to prove bigots and ignorants wrong.

  • Charles

    Glad this is the biggest worry we are starting to see in the news with the word “Gay” attached to it…… As we continue down the road of civil rights being the norm for everyone hopefully we will no longer have to make a point of the first Gay this or the first minority that, because we are highlighting these things now to highlight the struggle or burden put upon one and not the other…….once we all share tax burdens, which includes no longer having charity tax shelters or churchs that make millions paying nothing, once we stand up for one anothers rights as fast as we do for our own, once we start looking past the illusions we built over the years, we will no longer need to focus on these arguements, but instead we can put the focus back on the community we all live in so it is a better place for all of us…….

  • Steve

    Some people on the right-wing “conservative” side make the claim that the purpose of marriage is for procreation, to care for the children.

    Most people do not agree, of course. Most people say that marriage is about recognizing the relationship between the two people, and them making promises and committing to each other.

    Of course, when two people have a child, they should care for their child. And, of course, two people are better able to care for a child than one single parent. But that does not imply that marriage is “about” children or “for” children.

    Dennis and I are still waiting for the right to marry, and to have that marriage recognized in the state where we live.

  • Anonymous Coward

    A friend of mine responds as follows whenever he is asked if he liked children:

    “Do I like children? Yes, I do. Boiled, broiled, or in a stew.”

    I hope he is making a joke. I think he is.

  • mark

    Commercial surrogacy should be legalized worldwide, so that every gay couple can have children. This problem must be solved by LGBT organizations as active, as Same Sex Marriages

Comments are closed.