Jillian Michaels, a personal trainer known for her appearances on NBC’s reality weight loss competition The Biggest Loser, identified herself as an extremely self-loathing lesbian or bisexual woman in an interview with Health magazine this week.
She told Ladies Home Journal in 2010 that she could fall in love with either a man or woman, but she has apparently chosen to settle down with a woman, her wife Heidi Rhoades, with whom she shares two children. She doesn’t seem to have any complaints about that, but oh just think of the way life could be without “the gay thing”!
“I don’t know that I am [comfortable talking about being gay] now to be honest with you,” she told Health. “The gay thing has always been hard for me.”
“When Heidi and I are out and somebody older asks, ‘Are you sisters?’ I say, ‘We’re friends.’ I guess it comes from thinking that they will be shocked or disturbed. Look, I wish I had some strapping football player husband. It would be such a dream to be ‘normal’ like that, but I’m just not.”
He’s no strapping football player, but if all else fails, we think Rupert Everett would marry her.
This hardly seems newsworthy – more a cautionary tale on what legislated discrimination can accomplish. She’s not comfortable being openly homosexual; plenty of people from her generation suffer that same problem. They grew up in an era where being homosexual was still considered a mental disorder. She grew up in the heart of the HIV/AIDS epidemic when AIDS was ‘Gay Cancer’ and people were routinely beaten up, abused, murdered, disowned, etc just for their sexual orientation.
That leaves a mark.
If anything you should empathize with her story.
Shouldn’t be surprising. She’s obviously very concerned about how she appears to people, to the point of helping others appear acceptable to others. I think it’s safe to say she’s outside the bounds of most trainers, gay or straight. Still, it’s disappointing and a little heartbreaking. Especially that she seems happy with and partner AND has two kids. Does she introduce her kids as her “friend’s” kids? ffs…
@Kieru: I don’t think it has much to do with the era. She’s barely 40, younger than Ellen by 16 years or so. There are plenty of people, men and women, who are older than her and out. I do empathize, but I think it has less to do with her age than her own personal experiences of self-acceptance. Anyway, good for her for being able to talk about it, at least. But she’s got to get real about this, because she’s got her own kids who look up to her.
““When Heidi and I are out and somebody older asks, ‘Are you sisters?’ I say, ‘We’re friends.’ I guess it comes from thinking that they will be shocked or disturbed. ”
What a pathetic self hating fool. She also made some pretty nasty remarks about overweight people, sounds like she is a very unhappy woman. You have two kids with a person and in front of them you don’t even acknowledge her? Disgusting.
Can’t blame her for missing c o c k.
“she’s” trans, right? 😉
Oh cam. What’s it like knowing everything?!?!?! Is just plain old hating any worse then your countless personal assessments directed at others that you don’t agree with?
she sounds like me at 19. i’m saddened that her love with her partner hasn’t empowered her, nor made her feel proud to be an active member. thing is – she’s not really much of an “active” member of the gay community, and i encourage her (and any of you who feel the way she does….) to become more active in the lGBT communities. you’ll find reasons to be proud.
embrace your gay identity. being gay is a gift – you get the angles of an outsider’s perspective, and that’s of much worth in this world.
She could turn into Glinda from Oz, I’d still never watch Biggest Loser.
@iggy6666: Yes, but to be fair you are a fucking moron.
I were married to a bloke with whom I was raising two kids and he said summut like that it would be D.I.V.O.R.C.E.
Most of us were indoctrinated and socialized to believe that heterosexuality = “normality”. That idea was practically “shoved down our throats” by the straight majority from the day we were born. It’s not so easy to just erase all that indoctrination from your life.
@Saint Law: nah. I’ve got my shit together. Civil engineer by trade. And before you put words in my mouth…… NO I DO NOT THINK I’M SMARTER THEN EVERYONE ELSE. Which would have been the typical direction twats like yourself would go next.
Let’s not be so quick to judge her feelings. Everyone deals with their sexuality differently, and, obviously, Jill still has her own dilemma to solve. One would like to think that the love for your partner would help you feel more confident and proud to be true to who you are, but maybe Heidi is in the same position as Jill. One insecure person isn’t helpful to another insecure person.
@Kieru: I didn’t know she was over 55! She’s aging well. Now if she had focused more on her psychological health she wouldn’t be experiencing such self-loathing, but clearly not shamed about having this published in a magazine article. Discretion, unfortunately, is not her strong suit. I can certainly empathize with her “wife,” and kids (depending on how old they are?).
@Desert Boy: Clearly, you have no shame! Lol
@Saint Law: Exactly!
@Kieran: If you swallowed, I guess not!
While our first reaction might be to judge Jillian, let’s remember that self-acceptance can be an intense journey. It is her life. She has the right to work through her feelings about her sexuality or not. I’m impressed with her honesty and willingness to share her thoughts.
Wow; did not see that coming.
I am the same age as Ellen so Jillian’s discomfort about herself and wish for some “strapping football player husband” (Really, Jillian? Even after the Ray Rice elevator video…?) is deeply disappointing. I thought she had it all together, but I guess even the most seemingly accomplished of us still struggle.
It’s good that she can be candid about her self-conflict but I hope she’s sharing those feelings with a therapist who will help her overcome the negatives she obviously still carries around.
@Kieran: I am 53 years old and I’m still trying to erase that crap.
@Kieran: “…practically “shoved down our throats” by the straight majority from the day we were born. It’s not so easy to just erase all that indoctrination from your life.” If you shallowed, I guess not!
@eyesnowopen: Tragic! Not too late. Competent therapy can make all the difference in the world. All the best for you for the next 50! You can do it.
@cflekken: Are her “feelings” being “judged?” Behavior is always judged whether it’s verbalized or not! Her dilemma is her sexuality issues on display/in the public eye/media and not in therapy. Clarity and LOVE is a byproduct of being “true to yourself!
@eyesnowopen: Tell us something we don’t know? “I’m impressed with her honesty and willingness to share her thoughts.” You have the luxury to be impressed; it doesn’t directly affect you in a potentially negative way. I’m thinking about her “wife,” though I don’t know if her wife supports or has encouraged her to share this with the public. My only other concern is the impact of teens reading these “confessions” and how they interpret and are influenced by them.
@eyesnowopen: “She has the right to work through her feelings about her sexuality or not.” It’s not about “rights,” it’s a psychological and spiritual imperative so she isn’t still struggling at 53 and/or potentially causing injury/damaging or destroying her family!
Nothing but sadness for her children. Having a self-loathing mother likes this does not bode well for their future.
I don’t think she’s self loathing, I think she’s just being honest. I feel what she’s saying and I understand where she’s coming from. I’ve come to the conclusion myself that living a “gay” identified public life comes at a price. In a perfect world it’s wouldn’t be any big deal to be gay (and it shouldn’t be) but we don’t live in a perfect world, and even in the year 2014 in the USA, being gay can impact your pay, your career, your safety and your life. It’s a personal choice that we make about how much of our sexual identity we put on display, some are comfortable with everyone knowing everything, and others, like me like being a bit of a mystery and only letting people know on a need to know basis.
I can completely relate to her feelings. There’s nothing wrong with what she said. She was simply being honest about her feelings.
@junk4sts: I agree that she’s just being honest. And if she had said something like “life would be easier if I were straight” it probably would have gotten a different reaction here. You’re right – it’s not a perfect world, and there are still challenges to being openly gay.
But there’s still some self-loathing, or internalized homophobia, or whatever you want to call it. Saying that she wishes she were straight, and had a husband? Really? She doesn’t think that she’s normal, and you don’t think that’s self-loathing?
Really though, I feel sorry for her. It’s sad that she’s been in a relationship with this woman, has 2 children with her, and still only refers to her as a friend. And that she’d rather be in a “normal” relationship with a man. Sad. I feel bad for both her and her partner. Hopefully she can get past the shame she’s feeling and start feeling proud of the family that she’s created.
I applaud JM for her speaking her truth. She is in fact quite ‘normal’ for a gay person in the early stages of embracing her sexuality.
In gay development it’s typical for most of us to deal with layers internalized homophobia during the first several years of the coming out process.
It looks like she is still somewhere in the middle of peeling off those layers, and that’s OK. We can all go back to that place where she is and remember what we were like.
The picture shows that she has a beautiful Gay family and I’m sure with time and therapy she will realize how extraordinary her life is because she is a Gay woman.
The only way she can get to that place is by being honest with where she is currently standing. By speaking her truth, even though it sounds awful, she is moving forward.
For the rest of us, let’s love and support her until she can do it for herself.
I know a woman, in her 70s, who introduces another woman — with whom she co-owns her house and has lived for 30 to 40 years — as “just a friend, a very good friend. It’s not as if we’re lesbians or anything like that….” So of course, all of us just assume they are and always invited her friend to any social event that we might invite her to.
I guess that this sort of stuff remains common. And in parts of the country or in some jobs where being known as gay is career damaging, I guess it’s to be expected. But I do hope that some time in the future, not just here but throughout the world, acceptance of sexuality will be much more widespread than it is now. Till then, people like Jillian Michaels are paying a huge social and personal price for who they love.
“People like Jillian Michaels…” What is the profile?
“…are paying a huge social and personal price for who they love.” I must have missed what they are! Could you list or cut/paste?
@iggy6666: said….. “Oh cam. What’s it like knowing everything?!?!?! Is just plain old hating any worse then your countless personal assessments directed at others that you don’t agree with?”
You know iggy, just a hint, if you have a weird obsession with trying to continually attack one person on here, and then get called out on it by others, when you change your screename and come back on the site, you may want to vary your comments a bit. Otherwise it’s obvious to pick you out.
As for my comment, please point out specifically what you are attacking. I pointed out quite clearly that this woman has been with her partner for years and has two children, and yet claims, in public, where those two children can see, that they are sisters. That is pathetic, and she is raising her kids in a house of shame.
But then again, you never could point out anything wrong with comments, you just used them as an excuse to continue your obsession and attack.
That sucks, I hope she gets past it.
@Cam: why change my screen name? Is it not possible for others to smell bu llshit??
Go back to basically any article you and about five others constantly call people selfhating, bigots or homophobes. Why? Because they disagree with you! No one has selected you to speak for the ”community” as a whole. And stop with all the mental health evaluations. Reading an article or comments does not qualify you to do so.
@iggy6666: Reading so much of your spewed crap, I have to completely agree (again) with Saint Law. Dude you are complete [email protected] douche-own it!
So we’ll just add you to the P.O.S list:
@iggy6666: And FYI your career has nothing to do with your being a moron…one doesn’t preclude the other, duh!
@DerekR: well the vote is unanimous. It must be true. Im a total moron…… if by moron you mean awesome!!! Sending kisses your way!!! Xoxo
And once again you could not actually state any defense of your comment. So basically you are unable to actually comment on any of the articles here, just mainly use it as an excuse to focus on the people you obsess over on this board. Whatever screename you are using, you still come off as just kind of sad.
@Cam: I have never changed my screen name. And why would I? There is life outside of queerty land. I don’t live for justification or approval from strangers.
Read your first comment. You picked Jill to pieces all because she’s not comfortable with what? Snide remarks from strangers. People coming up to her telling her being a lesbian is wrong. She’s probably tired of answering all the ignorant questions people ask based on her sexuality.
Why shame her for not wanting to endure ridicule?
@iggy6666: said…”Read your first comment. You picked Jill to pieces all because she’s not comfortable with what? Snide remarks from strangers. People coming up to her telling her being a lesbian is wrong. She’s probably tired of answering all the ignorant questions people ask based on her sexuality.
Why shame her for not wanting to endure ridicule?”
I always find it funny when, the few times you actually are forced to defend your comments, (Under one of your many screenames), that you try to lie. Her comment never said anything about a defense from ridicule, her comment was ““When Heidi and I are out and somebody older asks, ‘Are you sisters?’ I say, ‘We’re friends.’”
Also, I LOVE that your comment is the type of defensive excuse you would use on a hetero website to explain her behavior. Sorry, but you DO realize that this site is LGBT right? Everybody on it knows what life is like, so trying to pretend that this woman has gone through something nobody here has is just pathetic.
As for her behavior, denying her long term relationship in front of her children, I stand by my original comment.
Now quickly, come up with another post calling me names and (Yawn) trying to alter the facts of the story, or better yet, invent something that was never in the article and then pretend to defend that.
Oh god. …… are you really that full of yourself??? Change my screen name to pick on poor old cam and follow him around the comment board…… don’t flatter yourself.
And yes I do know what kind of site this is. That doesn’t change reality at all, which Is what actually matters. You know? That thing called life where not everyone’s going to like you.
You have mastered the art of playing victim and manipulating people words. Congrats
And you still haven’t answered my question!
What’s it like to know everything?!?!!
Yawns……those are contiguous you know!! Zzzzz
I have to finish watching american horror story. Have an awesome night.
Sincerly a selfhating homephobe with numerous aliases
@restoretherainbow: “…She is moving forward.” The interview suggests otherwise! You are right about the therapy, but will need to be intensive since her chosen life circumstances does allow for the luxury of time to finish “peeling the layers!” I was 19 and in college, no marriage, no children when I finished peeling my layers and this was while “homosexuals” were the boogey man, clubs were being raided nightly all over the country, homosexuals were being jailed for sodomy, we were not allowed to be teachers, you couldn’t buy a home as a couple (“gay” marriage was just a figment of the imagination), or serve in the military to die for your country, there were no gay characters on TV, except as a pedophile, and rapid illness and death by AIDS was just on the horizon!
@enlightenone: Your journey as a gay person sounds like it came with a lot of challenges. Thank you for sharing your story.
@aliengod: As an aliengod your comment makes sense!
Maude the fraud.
Oops, Maude the fraud was supposed to be added to your list.
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