Here’s a scientifically-proven fact that’s neither too trite nor too tired to put in print:
The combined wattage of handsome men and delicious pizza is far too powerful — and far too dangerous — for any mere mortal to face head on.
Related: It’s time to watch SNL’s genius take on Logo’s new ‘Fire Island’ reality show
That’s why we implore you to reach through your computer screen to don these protective goggles before you read any further:
Okay, perfect. Here goes:
Some guy named Cheyenne Parker — featured last summer on Logo’s reality show Fire Island — has photographed himself eating pizza.
The sophisticated Trompe-l’œil portrait is a classic piece of artistic misdirection, and a beguiling optical illusion to boot: What at first appears to be merely a picture of mouthwatering pizza slowly pans out to reveal there’s also a handsome man in the foreground. If you don’t see him right away, take a few steps away from your computer screen to let the full image come into focus.
Do you see him now?
But don’t think eating pizza is all Cheyenne can do. His Instagram feed demonstrates he’s able-bodied and varied in his interests and proclivities.
We’re now scrolling endlessly through all his fleshy moments while exes find true love, mom waits eagerly for our phone call, the project dearest to our heart languishes forgotten on the hard drive, and old friends find the courage to move on with their lives without our toxic presence hampering their happiness.
Join us.
mattachinepodcast
Why… ? What the hell has this “publication” become?
terminalose
I see sluts, EVERYWHERE
lessthan
They… they should have sent a poet…
Xzamilloh
Great body… but for Instagram standards, this has “basic bitch” written all over it. Also, another Fire Island guy did a bareback gangbang…. so, yeah.
Brian
He seems like a basic boring b-ch, but I give you 4 stars for that silly headline.
socaliscorpio
somehow i doubt he ate much of the pizza
radiooutmike
Hot guy with terrible choice in pizza!
nitejonboy
I like him better with the trimmed facial hair rather than the beard. Looks hotter.
ham
Sexy body, but someone help him manage the hair! All I saw was overclipped poodle.