For some gays, ‘Heartstopper’ is a heartbreaker and has become painful to watch

The Netflix series Heartstopper—winner of two Queerties, five Children’s & Family Emmy Awards, and a Dorian Award—is a coming-of-age tale about two boys in grammar school who fall in love.

And some gay male viewers can hardly watch it.

In a recent thread on the r/AskGayMen sub, Reddit users discussed how such a sweet TV show leaves them with bittersweet or just bitter feelings.

“Did Heartstopper make anyone else very sad for their younger selves?” one user wrote, starting the convo. “I didn’t realize how many unresolved issues I had been carrying around until I just binged the show. … It’s a weird thing to mourn the people we could have been and the experiences we could have had and then watch other people play them out.”

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Many commenters on the post could sympathize, having not had positive coming-out experiences during their youths—or having not come out at all until later in life.

“I can’t even watch it [to be honest], as I know it’ll bring back all the sadness of growing up and not being able to be myself,” one wrote. “It’s great that a lot of things have changed, but I feel like I missed out on so much and who I could really be.”

Another Reddit user wrote: “I will watch any genre of horror movie without blinking, from a jump-scare slasher to demonic possession. I don’t care how gross or horrific it is. At the same time, I will avoid gay coming-of-age content like the plague, because it does exactly what you said, and that for me is truly the most horrific thing.”

That person went on: “Guess I’m a coward, and [to be honest, I] don’t wanna keep dwelling on a past that I cannot change. I’m really happy things are better and better every day for newer generations, but at the same time, I’d rather pass the time focusing on my present self because I know I’d feel a bit bitter watching those shows/movies.”

And a third commenter recalled watching the first season through tears and feeling “pretty empty” for days afterward, writing, “I could see things starting to change for the better the last couple years at school, and it does seem like if I was born 5–10 years later, my teen years could have been much better. But I’m sure those 5–10 years older than me think similarly towards my experience.”

That commenter added: “I think it’s fine to acknowledge and mourn a lost youth or opportunities, but there’s no point dwelling on it too much. The past can’t be changed, so take comfort that things seem to generally be getting better for those younger than you and know that the more open-minded Gen Z [is], the more that trickles into wider society. Gen Z give[s] me a lot of hope.

“‘Bittersweet’ is probably the word to describe how Heartstopper Season 1 felt for me. Whilst I did cry at times during the second season, I did so much less and felt a lot more happiness for the younger generation, along with happiness that the show exists. Also, just gratefulness that school is long behind me.”

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