Gay guys give tips on going from promiscuous to monogamous

Going exclusive can be tough going, and one “very promiscuous” Reddit user wants to know how to be a one-man man.

In his post on the AskGayMen Reddit forum, the user in question says he’s leaving a life of “threesomes, saunas, one-night hookups, [and] clubbing” for a monogamous relationship with someone he likes. And now he can use some pointers.

The dude clarifies that he and his partner have similar libidos, but he’s worried he’ll get a “wandering eye” and go down “a path of poor choices.”

“I just want to know if there are other guys who were very promiscuous and went into a monogamous relationship successfully,” he writes.

And fellow Reddit users were full of good advice.

“If you’re concerned about temptation, don’t put yourself in positions where you’ll be tempted,” one user wrote in the top-voted comment. “Cheating is the result of a series of active decisions, it doesn’t ‘just happen.’ For example, if [you] don’t think you can resist a guy who’s really turning you on, don’t hang out with him in the first place.”

Another user said that boredom is common and communication is key in relationships. “If you can’t tell each other the most difficult things you are going through, good luck,” that user wrote. “If you have the type of communication where you can be honest in a loving and supportive way with each other, you’ll get through it.”

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Do you agree with this advice?

A third commenter advised giving the monogamous relationship the ol’ college try. “Just get into the relationship and check if you can hold it on,” that commenter wrote. “If you realize that you desire the promiscuous over monogamous, communicate with your partner. If he accepts it, it’s cool. If not, you break up.”

And someone else pointed out that a wandering eye need not lead to poor choices. “Just don’t cheat, and if you’re unhappy, talk to him,” that user added. “If he does not want what you want (threesomes, open relationship, etc.) then don’t continue the relationship.”

In one of the more popular comments, one Redditor observed that the original poster said he is very promiscuous—as in, present tense.

“This does not read to me like you want a monogamous relationship. It seems like either you want him, and he wants a monogamous relationship—or that you want to want a monogamous relationship (some sort of internal self-image),” that commenter continued.

“Either way, you need to respect and love the person you are, or there’s no way you’ll end up happy. Who you are can change over time, but this shouldn’t be how it happens. It’s fine to be worried about some future state where you cheat, but that’s not the only potential for harm here—I’m more worried about your experience between today and then. It’s not quite the same, but this is something like when somebody who’s out tries to date somebody who’s in the closet. Supporting someone you care about is great; making yourself smaller for them is not.”

What about all of you promiscuous-to-monogamous Queerty readers out there? Any other tips for navigating an exclusive relationship? Give us your thoughts in the comments below.

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