A Reddit user asked the members of the r/askgaybros for unpopular opinions about sex, but the responses below all turned out to be popular, with dozens of upvotes apiece.
And as hundreds of comments came in, themes started emerging: It seems like our fellow gays are looking for emotional connections with the dudes in their bed, and they’re not necessarily looking for penetrative sex. (And when they are, they’re not looking for rigid roles.)
Here’s a variety of comments from the thread, all of which received at least 24 upvotes.
“No matter how hot the other guy is, if you haven’t established the proper connection beforehand, then it’s very dull and forgetful. The looks fade fast. Some of the hottest guys I’ve been with have been the most ‘meh’ encounters.”
“Sex in a long-term relationship is way better than causal sex.”
“Gay men won’t admit it, but despite sometimes sleeping with 10 guys a week, most of us are still not sexually satisfied. Slow, cuddly sex with an average-looking monogamous partner is way better than being f*cked rough by a muscle masc top who’s a 10. Also, cruising in public spaces should just remain in porn. Don’t do it in real life.”
“Cuddling and foreplay is hotter than the actual sex.”
“It’s still good sex if nobody gets penetrated.”
“69 is overrated.”
Related:
“You don’t have to choose only top or bottom.”
“The most ‘genuine’ form of gay sex is penis-to-penis contact… since it’s literally both male parts connecting. I never understood why genital-to-genital contact isn’t more popular with gay guys. A long, slow mutual jerk session with frot and edging together is hotter than anything else to me.”
“Hybrid opinion: People don’t take sex seriously enough in a relationship and how the lack of it can make your relationship suck, and at the same time, [they] take sex too seriously outside of a relationship when it’s just meant to be a casual way to have fun and connect with people. Basically, everyone should f*ck more. We’d all probably be less stressed if we did.”
“Meeting with someone just to have sex isn’t right. I mean, I would like to form a connection and emotions first. Durning’s sex, I want to be able to smile and laugh with my partner. Sex is something we should respect and make with someone we really really really enjoy. Not just meet, f*ck, bye. If you are horny, then just jerk off to some porn. Wait for that one person you want to share your body and life with.”
“Intimacy doesn’t equate orgasm.”
“My hand is better at taking care of me and giving me mind-blowing orgasms than another person will ever be able to. Solo sex is the best sex.”
“Cuddles, blowing, rimming, fingering, edging is more meaningful than penetrative sex.”
“Everyone should be vers.”
Related:
Gay guys share the things they put down to protect their bedsheets during sex
It seems you guys use a lot of different things to keep your bed nice and clean.
1898
“Cuddles, blowing, rimming, fingering, edging is more meaningful than penetrative sex.”
blowing, rimming and fingering are penetrative sex. if you think they’re not, you’re doing it wrong
correctio
amen!
jclewis
?
S.anderson
They sell adapters to facilitate nonbinary sex.
still_onthemark
You mean adapters for 110 volt to 220 volt?
S.anderson
@Still_onthemark: google “Plumbus”, lol!
winemaker
Such a spot ona rticle. How many of us rush into sex without geting to really know somebody and before yoiu know it it’s over and done. We’re left unfulfilled and it’s on to the next ‘hookup’. Really getting to know somebody first, becoming friends and then if things move into this area great, if not, well that’s great as well. How many of us rush things thinking this is the only way to find a so called ‘lover’? As for me I met a great guy at church a couple of years ago and we’re still getting to know each other and consider each other good friends and it’s great ’cause when and if we ever become intimate, it will be all that much better. More gay men should try this if they want to have a long term realtionship thet’s based on more than just sex. Isn’t that what most of want anyway, having somebody you like or love long term and building a life with them? Being alone sucks big time.
correctio
just read the original reddit thread… what’s up with all the hate for cruising in public places? I love cruising in public places! Such as: parks after dark, certain bathrooms, parking garages, etc. etc.
who else loves public cruising?
jclewis
As someone who has spent the last three years researching ethical approaches to human sexuality (with a special focus on male same-sex activity) I am appalled at all these black-and-white blanket statements and thou shalts and thou shalt nots! And I’m a practicing Christian! Human sexuality (especially non-heterosexual sexuality) is so diverse, complex, and context sensitive that any rule about what makes good sex for you may well be entirely meaningless and even harmful to someone wired differently and with different needs and aspirations.
S.anderson
@jclewis: look up “gatekeepers” and “hypocrites” who claim to actually be “sex positive”.
Mehdi
These aren’t “unpopular opinions” as much as they are “individual opinions, generalized”. Lots of people like solo sex. Lots of people like sex with people they know. Lots of people are fraysexuals (the preference for sex with people they don’t know or know very well). Lots of people need more than one partner. Lots of people need only one partner. Lots of people are vers. Lots of people are tops. Lots of people are bottoms. Lots of people are sides. And so on, ad nauseum. An unpopular opinion would be “gays celebrating sex is a necessary part of Pride because sex is what the dominant culture hates the most”. Or something along those lines, in my opinion.
S.anderson
@Mehdi: what I get from the assumption that these opinions are “unpopular” is that there is some kind of covert social force that is passing judgement and pushing their own views on what is appropriate. I wish that, instead of cheerfully chattering about our own kinks here, we can shed some light on this phenomenon. And why so many people surrender themselves to The New Obedience.
I’ve been thoughtful about this for some time. I was initially happy to hear the idea of “sex positivity” gaining traction, but it seems to be hollow. I see and hear social messages of uptightness a lot more than ever before… people policing other’s speech and behavior, gatekeeping, etc. Heck, this worldwide obsession with wearing baggy clothes, shaving one’s pubes and drowning their scent in Axe may be a reflection of it.