Asexuality is a very real thing, as we all know by now. But as you’ll see below, gay couples opt not to have sex for any number of reasons.
In Reddit’s r/AskGayMen forum, one user recently asked, “Have any of you had a completely non-sexual relationship? Like, of course there’s intimacy, but never actual sex? Just curious. Coming from a virgin, by the way.”
Here are excerpts from that conversation…
Showing love in other ways
“I’m in one now, but not of my own choosing. I have a lung disease which can be controlled but not cured. Eventually, it is going to kill me. (It’ll be a few years before that happens.) I take 13 medications a day so I can breathe. Now, if I don’t take the medications, I can have all the sex I want—but I’ll also struggle to breathe, and my chest is going to feel like something is crawling around inside my lungs, and breathing is going to feel like I’m trying to drag air through a wet sponge. Having sex when you’re struggling to breathe is no fun. If I take the medications, it’s far easier to breathe, but I can wave goodbye to my sex drive. There are other ways I can show love besides sex. I love to cook, and I’m pretty darned good at it. I’m older than my partner and retired, so I can fix some really nice and fairly elaborate meals for my partner. (Think: Like Water For Chocolate, where Tita transmogrifies her emotions into food.) I’m also good at fixing problems which come our way and getting them resolved so he doesn’t have to worry about them. That’s a way I can show love. Would I like to have sex? Sure. Thing is, I like breathing. Breathing is good. I’m a much happier camper with air going in and out of my lungs.”
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Top meets top
“[I’m] in a 1.5-year relationship with another top. It’s been hard, and we are considering opening the relationship for just sex with a bottom occasionally to feel satisfied.”
Long-distance intimacy
“I’m in one as I type this. We’re long-distance, and it works for us. We still have intimacy as much as we can have from different continents, but I honestly don’t mind it.”
Not comfortable going all the way
“My first relationship didn’t involve anything sexual besides mutual masturbation. He was raised very religious and wasn’t very comfortable getting intimate with a guy yet. It was hard on me after making no progress on that front for five months, so I eventually ended things.”
Related: This DC Comics character just came out as asexual
Loving him more than loving sex
“My best friend (also my ex now) and I had a non-sexual relationship. We did have sex once or twice before we started dating until he realized he was asexual and it wasn’t his thing. It was totally fine, we still had romantically intimate moments, we just didn’t f*ck. I loved him more than I loved having sex, so it wasn’t an issue for me. He later ended our relationship because he realized he was aromantic, too. We’re still great friends, as we ended on good terms.”
Illness plus celibacy
“Yeah, he was very sickly [with a] genetic condition. Over time, sex was just not something he could manage really due to fatigue and pain. I was, at the time, celibate for religious reasons. It was a deeply romantically, passionate, loving, but short relationship, due to him passing away. I would consider him my first boyfriend and male love now that I think about [it].”
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ribbles
I was with my last, now ex-bf for over 3 years, we never had sex once. it was difficult for him at times, as I’m the one that just never cared about it. it’s been about a decade since I’ve had sex. I’m 42, no illnesses or impairments, but find myself opposite most people. Everyone tells me they have sex to find out if they like someone and they couldn’t imagine being with someone without having had sex. While, me, I can’t have sex with someone until I know they *really* do like me.
powersthatbe
I’ve had many friends who end relationships because the sex slows down or completely ends, and they are highly sexual. They chase the first few years, where you’re in the honeymoon phase and having lots of it. Once the relationships reach a non-sexual phase (which I believe is very typical), they end it and repeat the process again and again.
In my humble opinion, the media places far too much pressure on their audience about what they consider a “normal” amount of sex is. “I’ve not had sex in FIVE MONTHS!” “We’re only having sex once a day now”. The list goes on. Sex is fabulous and if you’re comfortable with it, go for it. But many live without it, and live very full, satisfied and pleasurable lives!