We have high hopes for Monday’s solar eclipse, and are fully expecting a coven of witches to rip and rend their way through the space-time continuum to dazzle us with errant cackles and crackling blue electrical currents shooting from their fingertips.
Barring that, it should still be pretty goddamn mystical — especially for a few lucky passengers aboard the Royal Caribbean’s “Total Eclipse” Cruise, who will each be treated to Bonnie Tyler performing 1983’s monstrous slab of cheese, “Total Eclipse of the Heart.”
“It’s going to be so exciting,” Tyler tells Time. “It doesn’t happen very often, does it?”
No, it doesn’t. A hit like that only comes around once in a lifetime.
Talent is indeed an asset. During a recent concert at Wembley Stadium, musician Olly Murs distracted audience members from the warbling refrains of his inoffensive music by making a specific part of his anatomy the focus instead of all his plaintive peals, shimmying and shaking with a hitherto unknown level of wanton abandon that could safely be described as “insouciant.”
And the crowd did indeedily whoop and carry on, so enamored were they of the X Factor alum’s off-the-cuff display of unfettered sexuality and general goodnatured canoodling.
Watch the clip here:
The world of advertising continues in its ceaseless quest to make irony and meta-commentary its little mewling bitchlets.
Case in point: this new spot starring Zac Efron and his real brother Dylan applying for the very commercial they’re starring in (what, whoa!), winkingly shilling for Columbia Sportswear while actually, actively shilling for Columbia Sportswear.
There is much cornball repartee, talk of cougars, and many suggestions that both men may rip off their shirts at any minute to hobble us with their impossible physiques.
Do they? Don’t they? Could they? Shouldn’t they?
Sorry, but you’ll just have to watch to find out.
No, they don’t:
This Just In:
You heard that correctly: Daniel Craig will be playing James Bond once more in Bond 25.
Grandma! Grandpa! Wake up!! Daniel Craig is returning to play James Bond again!
Germany’s Olympic javelin team is bound to pique your curiosity about the ancient sport through the sheer force of their unadulterated, slightly insulting beauty.
Andreas Hofmann, Lars Hamann, Thomas Röhler, and Johannes Vetter have produced a short black-and-white vid that will make you feel all headswimmy, shook up, and straight-up friggin’ sultry:
In case the above video has left you thirsty for more, here are some carefully curated selections from these guys’ Instagram pages.
Feel free to leer — liberally, lasciviously, licentiously, libidinously — at your leisure.