Secrets revealed

She heard a rumor her husband once bottomed for another man in college–Now what?!

A 27-year-old woman heard a shocking rumor about her 28-year-old husband and now she’s not sure what to do or say or think or feel, so she’s turning to Reddit for answers.

“I consider myself a non-homophobic straight woman,” the woman writes. “I got married a few years back and been with my husband a total of five years.”

Things have been going great, she says, except for one thing…

I recently heard through his best friend that back in college before we were together he apparently got drunk invited an openly gay man to the bathroom and was the bottom in a gay encounter. His bi best guy friend (not the one who told me about this) apparently was in the room and pleasured himself to the whole encounter. His best friend (guy who told me) didn’t witness it but was told about it by the gay guy. His best friend questioned the bi guy in the corner and he confirmed the story was true.

Now the woman wonders, “Could the whole story be made up? Obviously it’s possible but it just seems odd that two people would just…make this up. There has to be some truth to it.”

Related: What do you do when you accidentally hookup with your mom’s gay best friend?

She continues:

Is he hiding it because he is ashamed? Is he hiding it because he is actually bi or even gay and our whole relationship is me pretty much being a beard? He doesn’t act homophobic. Maybe he doesn’t even remember it? Could I trigger some sort of issues if he doesn’t remember it? … Should I just f*ck off and think the past is the past and this is none of my business? If he is bi I would accept that I just want honesty. I don’t know what to do or how to handle this.

Luckily, her fellow Redditors have lots of opinions on what she should do…

“I mean… does it matter?” one person writes. “He had one drunken night of gay sex in college. … Let it go.”

“Should I just f*ck off and think the past is the past and this is none of my business?” another person adds. “Yes.

“I mean, like, I don’t understand what the point of trying to urge an answer out of him,” a third person says. “I actually think it’s best for your relationship if you just drop it.”

Related: Gay Redditor ask “How does straight sex work?” and the replies are out of control

Someone else questions the woman’s motives in wanting to confront her husband about his past:

Think about what your end game is with this. Are you looking for some kind of ‘gotcha’ moment? Because that’s what it sounds like.

Another person suggests that maybe the reason he never mentioned anything about it to her before was because he didn’t think it mattered:

Some people just flat out do not care. You don’t have to recall every encounter in your life, brief or otherwise, to your partner before you marry them so long as it isn’t going to interrupt your lives in any foreseeable way. If he had a love child with a ONS that he never sees, that’s one thing. Boinking some dude ages ago? Meh.

How do you think this woman should handle the situation? Should she confront her husband about the rumors or just let it go? Share your thoughts in the comments section…

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32 Comments

  • Frank

    Maybe he enjoys his prostate punched…

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  • scooter12

    While it’s no big deal, she mas to assume that since her husband’s two best friends both know that she knows, it will get back to him at some point. I would advise she bring it up lightheartedly, maybe while laying next to each other after good sex. where she can casually bring it up, and he won’t feel threatened…who knows, it may improve their sex life!

  • Juanjo

    Let’s assume for a moment that there really was such a post as this and a wife actually posted it about her husband. That does not make it accurate. She admits it supposedly occurred before she and her husband were together. It is double hearsay – someone is telling her what someone else who claims to have participated and who also claims he spoke to a second person who was present who confirms it happened. Absurd. Nothing here to remotely indicate it is a truthful claim.

    But were it true, so what? If the husband had banged a woman in the bathroom, he did nothing which violated any obligation to his wife. There was no tie between them and there is no obligation to tell a spouse everything that one did prior to meeting them. A drunk guy may or may not have had sex with another man. So what. Maybe he was curious. Maybe he is bi. Maybe he was really the top and banged the guy and then never had anything to do with the bottom afterward, hence a story about him being a bottom.

    Fact is that this only an issue for a superficial twat who apparently has no other issues in her life but is desperately seeking one.

    • PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID

      >Fact is that this only an issue for a superficial twat who apparently has no other issues in her life

      Oh the irony! Do tell us who dropped out of your busy social diary to occasion this achingly dull treatise

  • WMLA04

    Well she needs to think about her sexual past and what questions he might have about an incident or two she encountered! She admits things are going great now, why rock the boat? If she had suspicions because of something strange about his current behavior, like obsessing over having sex with other men or about opening up their relationship with a third and preferably a man, then she should ask about the past, but since things are “going great” and there is no suspicious behavior I would just drop it and wonder why bitchy bi best friend brought it up and I would confront him about his motives!

  • Harriman

    If this actually true, all three of these guys have different agendas. The husband would still be bottoming for other men and his best bi best friend is probably the one doing him. The wife and the other men are duplicitous toxic morons.

  • Paco

    If she is truly worried that he is using her as his beard, then she really has no choice but to bring up what the two friends are spreading about him. Relationships need honesty and communication.

    If anything, it gives him the opportunity to tell the two “friends” to STFU about things they really have no right to be talking about. Sounds like the two friends are drama queens and are jealous of the woman and want her gone.

    With any luck, he will not be defensive about it and reassure her that he is both sexually attracted to her and wants to only be with her while giving the boot to the two relationship wrecking drama whores that seem to love spreading drama and trouble.

  • Jaxton

    It’s really none of her business. Whatever he did before they married has no bearing on what happens after they married so long as it’s not an issue with him.

    Women need to understand that men get up to all sorts of sexual hi-jincks at college. They even make out with guys. It might not be public but it happens all the time.

    Men are very sexual creatures , far more than women.

  • baggins435

    There’s an old saying something like – It takes two people to harm you. One to “wrong” you and another to tell you about it.
    You’ve been together long enough that presumably you’ve been tested for anything communicable, so anything that happened before you entered the picture is none of your concern. I would first question why this supposed “friend” even told you about this equally supposed incident. What does he get out of you knowing this? Why bring it up now? If you trusted your husband before, nothing has changed. Don’t they say college is for experimenting? He’s with you and that is what matters.

  • surfpenis

    She needs to not worry about it. It’s none of her business. She furthermore sounds like a controlling shrew, and I’d go as far as to bet she has a ponytail. The worst type of nasty woman!

    • Jaxton

      Lol – the ponytail brigade!!!!

  • fredhotman

    Was she a virgin when she married him ??????

  • scotshot

    If it bothers her, she should see a therapist, one session would probably be enough to help clear her head.

    How big was the bathroom? How many actually witnessed the show.

    Who’s to say they were having sex? There’s a lot that can happen in a bathroom.

  • geb1966

    Does she care more about the “sex with the guy” thing or the “bottoming”?

    • o.codone

      Yeah, that’s what I was wondering. Like it might be hot except for the bottoming thing. If he topped the guy they could build a whole fantasy around that and add a totally new dimension to their sex lives. I would be totally turned on to learn my husband topped some dude in college. She needs to ask him and then screw his brains out.

  • Mmmrrrggglll

    Yes, she should talk to him. Whether it happened or not is irrelevant. What are the motives of the “best friend?” She should let her husband know his “friends” are talking about him behind his back.

  • Kenney G

    Now she can buy a double headed dildo so she can ride one end while her husbands on the other end PARTY!!!!!

  • tricky ricky

    divorce his *ss and take him to the cleaners! it’s the out you’ve been looking for! it’s obvious she’s looking for an excuse.

  • Kenney G

    girl you married a bi guy big deal, no one cares but you

  • THAT Steve

    Most straight women love their gay friends but cannot handle being with a man who has done anything at all with another man. If this guy truly put out to another man he should just cut his losses and walk away from her. If he truly did what she’s been told, she will dump him either quickly or painfully slow but she will end it…

  • Chris

    Assuming this post is true — a big assumption — then it speaks volumes about her and her marriage. Anyone who has to take an issue from their marriage to a group of strangers before discussing it with the partner has deeper problems going on in that marriage than whatever this particular topic might be. If I were her husband, I’d divorce her. … And I’d ditch my so-called friends.

  • Brian

    Of course she should ask him. You should be able to ask your spouse anything, and this is really no big deal. Better to have a reasonable conversation about it than letting it fester and throwing it in his face during a fight, because you know she isn’t going to just forget about it.

  • GayEGO

    If the guy was drunk and it happened before he married her, why should she worry about it, he did not get pregnant!

  • kent25

    get worried girl if he starts wanting to wear a little lip gloss and perfume to bed . lot of bisexuals are total bottoms with men lmao

  • kent25

    She has every right to know who the hell she married to. No all women like men who like taking it up the Bum from another man. He didn’t tell but the other guy talked.. lmao

  • radiooutmike

    Once again, we get another one of these, “I’m not homophobe” wives who find out their husbands had a little sword play. I think her husband being the bottom has to do more with it.

    She probably would not have an issue if was the top, because she’s probably thinks it’s another conquest for him. But takin’ it? That’s a whole ‘nother can of beans.

    In my anecdotal experience, progressive women who were also married have no love of gay men.

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