When it comes to homosexuals and their child custody battles, there are two ways to go about fighting over the kids. There’s the Janet Jenkins Method, which involves the police hunting down your former partner who went MIA before complying with a court order to turn over the child. And then there’s the Kim T. Smith, who found “a fragile peace” with former partner Maggie Quale, who fell in love with the sperm donor of their almost-one-year-old twin boys.
Smith and Quale, 33, never registered as domestic partners, but under the settlement will both be considered the children’s legal parents. Yahoo! But what about Shawn Wallace, 28, the baby daddy, creator of SaveOurTwins.com, and Quale’s new beau (pictured)?
The public relations specialist and Shawn Wallace, the sperm donor, a 28-year-old landscape designer who she met through a mutual friend, started a Web site three months ago called SaveOurTwins.com and asked the public for help with legal expenses. The site and a corresponding Facebook page have since been taken down.
Smith, 45, who works at the University of California, Santa Cruz, has been advised by her attorneys not to discuss the case publicly. She and Quale, who had a commitment ceremony in January 2008 eight months after meeting, split up in August 2009, just five months after the twins, Max and Levi, were born.
Quale and Smith never registered as domestic partners with the state, but were considered as such on Smith’s insurance, which paid for the birth. Though Smith never adopted the twins, Smith and Quale are listed as parents on the children’s birth certificates, and the boys have the hyphenated last name of Smith-Quale.
Quale said she and Smith never formalized their relationship because of persistent problems with the relationship.
[…] It is not clear whether Wallace was granted any paternity rights in the settlement.
And because we just saw a gay custody case on Judge Judy, let this be a warning to all:
No legal arrangements were made between them or Wallace about parental rights before or after the children were born.
Sorry ladies, but that makes you IDIOTS. There are enough legal snafus that gay parents have to jump through to secure proper guardian rights, and not even having a single sheet of paper declaring whom the parents will be (the two mommies) and whom will not be (the sperm donor) is the very least you could do. Particularly in California, where state law — and various judges’ courtrooms — dictates two biological parents will always supersede an assumed parent.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
We learn all about the pill and how to put on a condom. But for gays, we should also be taught that when we actually want to have children, get it in writing.
(P.S. SaveOurTwins.com is offline, but you can view it in Google’s cache. And because the story Maggie and Shawn share on it should never be lost, we’ve reprinted in full on the next page.)
Dear Friends, Allies and Angels,
I am writing to you to ask for the ultimate favor – to help me fight for my children, Max and Levi.
Before I explain my situation, I want to be clear: supporting me in this fight does not mean you’re opposed to supporting non-biological parents in same-sex unions. It does not mean you will be swaying the court case in one direction or the other. What I am asking for is the chance to have my voice heard too.
We are a new family with a most unusual beginning. I am the immensely proud mother of an eight-year-old son, Calvin, and I have a pair of beautiful infant twins named Max and Levi, conceived while I was in a committed relationship with a woman named Kim. While my children were and continue to be the light of my life, my partnership with Kim went sour. I truly hoped that with counseling, prayer and deep commitment we could salvage our relationship and plan a future together, but our relationship continued to deteriorate and she left when the twins were five months old.
It’s a story we’ve all heard. A couple separates and there’s a nasty custody battle. But here’s the part that’s getting forgotten in all the drama: these kids aren’t Kim’s. Kim and I never married. We never applied to become domestic partners. She never adopted my children.
Kim and her lawyers are turning our break-up into a gay rights issue, trying – and so far, succeeding – to make this a landmark case to give same-sex partners equal parental rights without the need for a marriage, domestic partnership or adoption. At first I was willing to work with her, to support her continued relationship with my babies despite the fact that she has no legal rights, but Kim wants more than that. She is petitioning for full custody of the twins, allowing me visitation only during working hours. In other words, she wants me to provide daycare for my own children.
Same-sex couples like us are suddenly making national headlines fighting for parental rights. In 99% of cases involving same-sex couples there is no other biological parent available, therefore the courts typically recognize a non-biological figure as a legal parent based on the belief that children are best served by two adults. Indeed decades of research establish that two parents providing daily care and guidance is the best possible arrangement for children. That is the other forgotten piece of this story…the twins already have another parent – their biological father Shawn.
Shawn with Max
Back in May 2008 I took a very bold step and asked my friend Shawn to help me create a child. We came together with a commitment to bring a new life into this world with the understanding that we would support each other through the journey however possible. Nine months later I gave birth to not one, but two beautiful, healthy baby twin boys. These are the children at the center of this custody battle, Max and Levi.
Kim left when the babies were five months old and Shawn immediately stepped forward to honor his role as a father. He moved into our home and has provided daily love and support every single day since. Shawn is an amazing dad and these babies adore him. Over the past few months we have realized a shared vision. We know that we started this family in an unconventional way. We recognize that our choices set this all into motion, but each day that passes we believe more and more that God brought us together for a reason. We are learning life-changing lessons about our responsibility as the biological parents and believe it is of supreme importance for us to create a loving, healthy family for our children.
One would think Kim has no chance of winning against the two biological parents, but Kim has the following on here side: four attorneys, seemingly unlimited family funding, and the National Center for Lesbian Rights (NCLR) which seeks to make this a test case for gay rights. The court has clearly been swayed by an impressive show of legal force and has already granted her temporary shared custody pending the trial. I am now watching helplessly as my babies are traded back and forth like property five days a week. I have no wish to disparage the efforts of the LGBT community, yet no matter how much I believe in equality, it is unconscionable to use children for the advancement of any political cause.
A battle that forces a mother to choose allegiance between her sexual orientation and her children is wrong. A battle that attempts to remove children from their biological parents does not advance our struggles as a community – it only creates deeper division. A battle that turns a personal score into a political statement is not something to rally behind. I will fight for my equality, but I cannot sacrifice my babies to prove a point. I can’t fight at all when the power balance is so clearly skewed in Kim’s direction. She has four high-powered law firms and national gay rights organizations on her side; all we have is our love as Max and Levi’s parents. That’s where you come in.
We are very humbly reaching out to our community of friends, allies and angels in desperate need of assistance to continue our fight for our children. Although Shawn and I both work very hard at our jobs, the financial burden to participate in this court battle is simply beyond our means. The past three months of court and attorney fees has completely wiped out all of our financial resources.
The trial is scheduled for February 2010. The funds raised will cover the court-ordered depositions, appearances, hearings, preparation of trial briefs, and the trial itself, which is expected to last three full days. We must raise $20,000 or we will not be able to have an attorney fight on behalf of our children.
How can you help?
1. Spread the word – Contact your family, friends, neighbors to let them know what is happening. Forward this URL, share the cause on Facebook or send a copy of Maggie’s letter. Ask your church to pray for wisdom, faith and compassion for us, our babies, our attorney, the judge and of course Kim and her legal team.
2. Do you know an attorney? – Please tell them about our case. This case can redefine what it means to be a family in California. We have infinite trust that someone will feel called to help us protect our children.
3. Can you donate? – We know money is tight for everyone right now, but any amount of donation will make a huge difference. A donation of $10, $100 or $1000 will help tremendously.
You can donate through Paypal or send a check to:
Maggie and Shawn
109 Younger Way
Santa Cruz, CA 95060
The universe has blessed us with an amazing, beautiful family. We truly appreciate your prayers and assistance in helping us to protect them – thank you so much.
Very sincerely,
Maggie Quale
A now confused John from England(used to be just John but there are other John's)
Ouch. What assholes. She obv liked him which is why she asked him to be the father of her kids. Women are so manipulative.
Oh well.
Men are dumb. Narcissistic and full of it.
And the world spins…
Mr. Enemabag Jones
What a dumb dyke. She gets a load of cum in her, now she’s cock-hungry. I’m sure she, her much younger baby-daddy and children–whom she used as props in a political battle–will make lovely poster children for EXODUS, or PFLAG.
Mr. Enemabag Jones
Turns out Quale is bisexual:
http://tinyurl.com/ylmesfu
And they wonder why we give them shit.
ionos
That Shawn guy is hot … no wonder Quale (who typifies the term ‘plain jane’) switched sides (j/k).
jason
I agree that women are extremely manipulative and borderline disgusting in their behavior.
There’s nothing wrong with a woman being bisexual but it’s the way women use their sexuality to obtain benefits that are unrelated to sexual satisfaction that is the problem. In this case, it appears to be a case of women trying to have their cake and eat it too.
Not impressed, ladies.
missanthrope
“Turns out Quale is bisexual:
And they wonder why we give them shit.”
Because no gay person has ever cheated on their partner in the history of humankind, am I right?
You’re letting your grudge get ahead of you logic there. And wtf with the misogyny here?
jason
A lot of women compromise themselves in the name of wanting to have kids. Even 100% lesbians are known to have sex with men because they want kids so bad.
Again, it proves that sexual behavior in women is not always reflective of their sexual desires.
Mr. Enemabag Jones
@missanthrope:
Because no gay person has ever cheated on their partner in the history of humankind, am I right?
Well…I’m sure queers of all stripes cheat. But how many contact a man suggested to them by a friend, in order to buy his sperm; then use said sperm to get pregnant–without telling their partner; then tell their current partner that they are preggers and this is the father; use their partners work insurance to have the kids, because they had a commitment ceremony, which their ex-partners work excepted as a partnership; then when their partner leaves them, (no duh!), they refuse to grant their ex-partner even visitation rights, claiming they only had a commitment ceremony and never registered as Domestic Partners; causing their ex-partner to sue because her name is on the birth certificate; all this while the man who sold his sperm to her, moved into their house; and then lashing out at their ex-partner and gay groups online, to score political points–and donations–while claiming they dislike gays using kids to score political points.
Mr. Enemabag Jones
@jason:
A lot of women compromise themselves in the name of wanting to have kids. Even 100% lesbians are known to have sex with men because they want kids so bad.
This is too easy a cop-out in this situation. Clearly this woman wanted kids, but then decided she wanted kids with a mommy and daddy–not two mommies.
Read the above letter again; she wants the white picket fence, kids playing in the yard, PTA meetings and all the acceptance that straight couples with kids get, that queer couples with kids rarely get.
Wallace only saw her and those kids 4-5 times, then moves to another state. He signed a legal document stating he is not the father of those kids, then all of a sudden, after the wife leaves mommy, he moves in to their house and sets up housekeeping.
And her references to God must make one wonder if she’s all that different from Janet Jenkins. The question is, who got her thinking like that, herself, or the guy she bought a load of baby batter from?
Quale knew what she wanted and used her ex-partner to get it.
$0.02
Women like this make me sick. She’ll be back on the gay side. Women like her don’t know what they want which is why they keep switching back and forth, and call that bisexuality which is an insult to a man or woman who is indeed bisesual and not confused or greedy or whatever other stereotype one can pull up. Idiots indeed. Dummies like yourselves make it hard for real gay families who have to fight for their rights as a family.
Rikard
never has the cherished cliche “the heart wants what it wants” seemed so hollow. our community fails on every level.
Luis
Why do I get the impression the mousy looking bitch just got together with the other lesbian just for her to ¨finance¨ her pregnancy????
¨Smith, 45, who works at the University of California, Santa Cruz, has been advised by her attorneys not to discuss the case publicly. She and Quale, who had a commitment ceremony in January 2008 eight months after meeting, split up in August 2009, just five months after the twins, Max and Levi, were born.¨
Oh, and the guy looks like such a loser