idiot logic

How Warren G Connected Fiscal Responsibility to Promoting Gayness to Kids

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How does a conversation about being fiscally responsible in turn into a conversation about gay propaganda? When you’re having a Q&A with rapper Warren G, who is, apparently, still around.

You’ll know Warren G from his song with Nate Dogg called “Regulate,” which began, “Regulators? Mount up!” before heading off into hitting the East Side of the LBC on a mission. It was, if you were of a certain age in 1994, the shit. It does not, however, make Warren G an expert on savings and investments. (Not lending him cred in this department is his new single “Swagger Rich,” which is as much about easy money and lofty spending as you’d expect.)

But why let that get in the way about spending on diamonds and wiping your butt with Benjamins? Vanity Fair‘s Eric Spitznagel didn’t, and asked Warren G this:

There seems to be two radically different factions in hip-hop regarding money management. On the one hand, you’ve got Lil’ Scrappy saying “Got a bank account (cha-ching) with a large amount/ If a nigga wanna talk, nigga we can let it bounce.” But then there’s P-Diddy bragging about poppin’ bottles of Cristal and decorating his pad with colossal Picasso’s. What’s your stance? Do you believe in saving your money for a rainy day, or blowing it on champagne and Cubism?

Somehow, it generated this response:

I think you should save the money for your kids and grandkids and stuff like that. But it ain’t really a bad thing to party every now and again. If you’re makin’ a lot of money, there ain’t nothin’ wrong with partying and makin’ yourself feel good and enjoying what you worked hard for. I ain’t mad at those artists rappin’ about money. But I also think we gotta teach these kids that money ain’t what it’s all about. You gotta start being a businessman or a businesswoman. Instead of just poppin’ open bottles of Cristal, we should be teaching them about business and stuff like that. I don’t just mean in terms of the hip-hop community. I mean blacks, whites, Latinos, everybody. As a generation, we need to start leading these kids down the right path. I mean, I ain’t against the gays or nothin’.

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And down the rabbit hole we go:

Spitznagel; Wait, what? You had me until the “I ain’t against the gays” part.

I ain’t against gay people. I’m just against it being promoted to kids.

I’m sorry, I don’t follow. What does the recession have to do with gay propaganda?

I know people that’s gay. My wife’s got friends that are gay. I got family that’s gay. Cousins and shit. He cool as fuck. He cool as a motherfucker. He’s my homie. I just mean that on some of these TV shows, they got dudes kissing. And kids are watching that shit. We can’t have kids growing up with that.

So you’ve got a “pot leads to heroin” theory about Hollywood homosexuality? Today there are men kissing on network TV, and tomorrow Grey’s Anatomy is all about mouth rape?

I know it happens, but let’s keep it behind the scenes. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with it if that’s what two dudes wanna do. Cool. But that’s not bring that out into the world, where the kids can see that. We don’t want all the kids doing that. ‘Cause that ain’t how we was originally put here to do. Like I said, I ain’t got no problem with the gays.

Not to downplay the gay media conspiracy, but I think more people about concerned about the corruption on Wall Street. From Madoff to AIG, it doesn’t seem like there’s anybody we can trust. In this financial climate, does it make more sense to invest in Citigroup or the Crips?

Oh, hell no! Invest in the Crips? That’s crazy, man!

So you think the Bloods are a better investment?

Neither one of them! You don’t wanna get involved in any of that!

Follow all that? Teaching young people about being fiscally savvy will, inevitably, lead to homosexuality being taught to kids. Whatever you do, don’t show Mr. G this movie.