Michael Henry is known for his funny, short videos on YouTube. However, his latest takes a look at a more serious topic. It’s earning praise online, but also prompting debate.
In short, who’s business is it to disclose someone’s HIV status?
In the video, Michael attends a pool party with some friends. He hits it off with a guy. Two other friends notice that Michael and the fella are getting along. One of them takes it upon himself to have a quiet word with Michael and caution him he’s about to go home with someone who has HIV.
Michael is unimpressed by his friend’s words, and suggests his friend is being “poz-phobic” by sharing someone else’s HIV status without their permission. Michael’s upset his friend might think he doesn’t know how to “handle” himself in any given sexual situation.
“Don’t ever reveal his status or anybody else’s status with anybody ever,” says Michael. “That is none of your business.”
His friend counters, “I’m confused. If I were in your shoes I would want to know.”
“Well that’s you,” replies Michael. “And as you say, you’re confused.”
Michael goes on to say that he’s capable of asking the questions he needs to ask of a sex partner as and when he needs to ask them. He reminds his friend that revealing someone else’s HIV status without their permission is “out of line.”
Praise and debate
Online, many have praised the video.
“Michael you are an angel to gays everywhere. Please keep speaking your truth and shining your light!” said one.
Another added, “Absolutely brillant and important!” while someone else simply said, “Thank you. As an undetectable poz guy, I truly appreciate this video.”
However, not everyone agreed with Michael’s message.
“I get the point of this video, but many people aren’t open about the status. People lie a lot, so when a friend asks me to look out or says someone is positive I view it as a good thing,” said another.
Another said, “I’m honestly conflicted. I don’t gossip about people’s status, but at the same time, if a friend of mine is hooking up with someone that I know hooks up a lot and is positive, my instinct is to let my friend know. I don’t know who out here is being honest, and I don’t know if my friend asked any questions. I know I didn’t in the past.”
Generally, more people agreed with the video’s message than disagreed: It’s for HIV-positive people to decide when and how to inform others about their status. And it’s on all of us to not be afraid or embarrassed to raise the topic of HIV status and protection before we have sex with a new partner.
Related*
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“When you reduce someone to just that fact, that they’re HIV-positive, it feels very myopic. And it’s not the 1980s, right?
abfab
Queer, how would you feel if your favorite rag didn’t tell you how to maneuver around in unbreathable air filled with smoke and ash particles?
Re HIV status….the same rules apply. Assume everyone including your mother has it..Stay safe, and please don’t bring it up if it’s a romantic date. If it’s just a hook up, then grow up!
I didn’t read the article just the headline. It sounded like something you’d read in the National Inquirer.
ShiningSex
HIV is still killing people and many idiots who think meds are out there and it’s better are 100% wrong.
If you’re not protecting youself still, you’re a moron. Living with HIV is not a death sentence, but there are a lot of health problems that come with HIV illness and barebacking is not worth it. Be smart.
CatholicXXX
I remember when lying about your status was a crime. I miss those days.
abfab
Scum.
Chrisk
Depends on how red the state is and we all know what the real crime is.
DBMC
If the positive person has a 0 viral road and the partner is on Prep they’re going to be safe.
It’s not surprising that a Catholic is a heartless, mean spirited person.
abfab
In deed. Saint Catholic missed that bit of news, didn’t she.
PLEASE READ CHARLES M. BLOW IN TODAYS NYT…..here is just one small excerpt.
OPINION
CHARLES M. BLOW
Yes, We’re in an L.G.B.T.Q. State of Emergency
June 7, 2023
”The problem, though, is that once laws are on the books, it can be hard to remove them. Take, for example, H.I.V. criminalization laws and laws against same-sex marriage that still have not been repealed in some states.”
proctor
Hello do you wanna talk
Invader7
I’d ask the potential sex partner first, then disclose my status and insist we play safe. I’ve lost too many people to the insidious virus. Though I would be thankful a friend let me know in advance.. HIV does kill. Some people LIE and DECEIVE about their health status. I know of man who would purposely expose people to HIV…
1898
“HIV does kill”
it only kills if it goes untreated. it is no longer the automatic death sentence that it used to be in the days before antiretroviral medications.
proctor
Hi you wanna talk?
FreddieW
Sure, I believe he’ll make out with a stranger by the pool and then think to ask his HIV status before sex. Of course he will.
GlobeTrotter
So, I consider myself a very open and accepting guy, but I’ve two HIV related incidents in my life that have made do a lot of self-reflection.
Many years ago one of my (many) f*ckbuddies, a guy I used to hook up with whenever we would happen to see each other at nightclubs, suddenly announced that we had to talk. I was getting ready to take him back to my place one night and we were still sitting in my car when the mood suddenly turned somber. My gun was locked and loaded and I was so horny, I couldn’t wait to get this guy out of his clothes and in my bed, and NOW he wants to have a talk? He then turned to me with his head looking down and in a tone filled with shame, revealed that he was HIV positive. It was like a bomb went off in my head and I felt all the blood suddenly draining from my dick. This is why all those times he was always so frantically, almost to a panic, making sure I had a condom. He continued that he just wanted to be fair and up front with me, so that I knew what I was getting into. He also said he’d understand if I never wanted to hook up with him again. To be honest, I didn’t know what to say. I was only about 25 years old at the time and had never had any experience with an HIV positive individual before, at least not to my knowledge. I told him I’d need time to think about it, but to my shame I never went back to that club where I knew he frequented. I also never saw him again.
The second time was about 10 years later. I felt so lucky to have had what I considered the BEST dentist in town. Not only was he a STUNNING looking specimen, he was the most knowledgeable and skilled dentist I’ve ever had. So naturally I seduced him and screwed the bejesus out of him on several occasions. One night over drinks with the boys, one of my friends who’s a doctor got a bit too tipsy and let it slip that my dentist was married to his long-time boyfriend and oh, by the way, he’s HIV positive. Damn, I wish he hadn’t spilled the beans! I was older this time and understood much more about HIV, so I wasn’t worried about getting it from my dentist, but it did complicate this. What are the legal ramifications of HIV positive dentists treating patients? Are they obligated to disclose their status to their patients? Are they even allowed to continue practicing? Many jurisdictions have laws preventing HIV positive individuals from working in the food and gastronomy industries for example, what about dentistry? Thankfully I was in the middle of moving to a new house which meant I had to find a new dentist since it would have meant an hour’s drive to continue seeing my regular dentist. And just like that, out of sight, out of mind. I no longer had any reason to further contemplate the HIV status of my dentist.
I’m not particularly proud of how I handled these two cases and often find myself in deep reflection, wondering what I should or could have done otherwise.
okiloki
These stories don’t reflect very well on you. Hopefully you will handle these situations better in the future.
abfab
Your gun was locked and loaded?
GlobeTrotter
@abfab: Had to get my story past the forum censors somehow 😉
abfab
Oh please. This was torn straight from a Penthouse Forum page.
GlobeTrotter
@abfab: If you’re so sure about that, then by all means please present the plagiarized original. I for my part have all the names, places and receipts to prove that this is very much an excerpt from my own past. Why plagiarize when real life is so much more interesting?
abfab
If only there was something slightly interesting in your stories, I’d agree with you.
Chrisk
Ha. Before you even opened you piehole I knew this wasn’t going to be an enlightening moment of self reflection based on your previous comments.
sfhairy
A, if you’re of a certain age, 30s-90s, I assume you are HIV+ until you tell me otherwise. B, if you’re negative and on prep then you’re unlikely to get HIV. Remember kids, the choice is yours to protect yourself. If you’re not on Prep and your partner isn’t taking their medications to be undetectable then you are most likely a virus chaser and looking to get HIV. Undetectable = transmissible.
sfhairy
i meant undetectable = untransmissible
JJinAus
I may be old(er), but in my day I assumed everyone I had sex with may be HIV+. I always had safer sex. Now in my 60s, I have older man’s problems, but not HIV. Prep is great, but assume nothing.
RIGay
Yup! Prep or not, let’s not add compromised immune systems to the list of crud that hits when getting old…
mailliw110
When I was younger I just went with the assumption that everyone is positive. Also, according to my doctor, if you are undetectable you won’t spread it. BUT, there are still all the other sexual diseases out there you can get.
ShiningSex
HIV is still killing people and many idiots who think meds are out there and it’s better are 100% wrong.
If you’re not protecting youself still, you’re a moron. Living with HIV is not a death sentence, but there are a lot of health problems that come with HIV illness and barebacking is not worth it. Be smart.
RIGay
I am of the AIDS generation. The first generation of gays who came out just as THAT pandemic began to ravage and eviscerate the community. We learned to treat every potential hook-up as being HIV+ and to take precautions (condoms, damn it!).
I’m 62, married to a man I’ve been with for 25 years. Monogamous. But that gut instinct is still there.
DBMC
The meds now are pretty incredible. If the positive person has a 0 viral load they are unlikely to pass it on, and Prep is super effective.
abfab
Unlikely. I need more info on that word here.
ShiningSex
HIV is still killing people and many idiots who think meds are out there and it’s better are 100% wrong.
If you’re not protecting youself still, you’re a moron. Living with HIV is not a death sentence, but there are a lot of health problems that come with HIV illness and barebacking is not worth it. You think most HIV positive people are undetectable? NO!!! WRONG!!! That’s rare. Grow up and educate yourself. Wrap it up or suffer the consequences of your ignorance.
Chrisk
ShiningSex
Thanks Mom! I’m sure everyone appreciates the scolding. Lol
Maybe you should see someone for those anger issues you always display.
abfab
Sex Kills
by Joni Mitchell
I pulled up behind a Cadillac
We were waiting for the light
And I took a look at his license plate
It said “Just Ice”
Is justice just ice?
Governed by greed and lust?
Just the strong doing what they can
And the weak suffering what they must?
And the gas leaks
And the oil spills
And sex sells everything
And sex kills
Sex kills
Doctors’ pills give you brand new ills
And the bills bury you like an avalanche
And lawyers haven’t been this popular
Since Robespierre slaughtered half of France!
And Indian chiefs with their old beliefs know
The balance is undone crazy ions
You can feel it out in traffic
Everyone hates everyone!
And the gas leaks
And the oil spills
And sex sells everything
And sex kills
Sex kills
All these jackoffs at the office
The rapist in the pool
Oh and the tragedies in the nurseries
Little kids packin’ guns to school
The ulcerated ozone
These tumors of the skin
This hostile sun beating down on
This massive mess we’re in!
And the gas leaks
And the oil spills
And sex sells everything
And sex kills
Sex kills
Sex kills
Sex kills
Sex kills
© 1994; Crazy Crow Music
mateo
Look at that copyright year: 1994. Things are quite different now, and UNDETECTABLE is the key word. Some of the safest sex around (and no condoms are involved) can be had between two HIV Pozzers who both have undetectable Viral Loads.
abfab
HELLO MATEO!!!!! It’s one of the reasons I included it. Does everything need to be spelled out? Is even the slightest sense of nuance now completely dead?
NateOcean
A younger (platonic) friend told me about a recent date.
As the conversation progressed, at some point his dinner companion revealed that he was HIV positive (despite having said the opposite in his online profile.)
The explanation being that “since U=U, you can’ transmit, so that’s the same as being negative, so you might as well put that in the profile”.
And he further claimed that this was now becoming common practice in the 20-something age group.
ShiningSex
HIV is still killing people and many idiots who think meds are out there and it’s better are 100% wrong.
If you’re not protecting youself still, you’re a moron. Living with HIV is not a death sentence, but there are a lot of health problems that come with HIV illness and barebacking is not worth it. Be smart.
BtnBill
There is nothing worse than doing nothing and saying nothing when your voice is needed.
firestalker
Oh well as a poz guy and undetectable . My fiancé and my gayfriends know . The stigma is too real to be telling it to everyone . If my friends would tell my status to anyone else I would be mad as hell. When I got my diagnosis, I started on meds right away and waited 6 months to become undetectable . Before that I couldn’t even think of having sex . It’s important to get tested! And withhold from sex until your undetectable, couldn’t live with myself if I infected anyone , just because I got horny .
Enuff
First I cast doubt on the character of the gossiper. And thats all it is really. Because he doesnt REALLY know. He just thinks he knows. And he doesnt know if the men are going to fuk or have coffee. He needs to fuk off and mind his own bizniz. How about since we’ve been dealing with this pandemic for 30-40 years now, everybody just take some personal responsibility? If you dont want HIV YOU take the precaution, YOU be careful. This is just more evil queens dragging down someone they think theyre better than. It’s OUR bigotry to our fellow gay men. We should address that.
DCFarmboy
No one has a right to have sex with another person.
People are free to decline to have sex for any reason.
No one has the right to lie.
No one has the right to gossip.
Tad
What a f**king ignorant article to post in 2023. I’m not a fan of Michael Henry so this has nothing to do with him, regardless. Even the header is misleading. Having HIV is not the same as being HIV-Positive. And according to medical and scientific experts, if someone is on HIV meds and undetectable, there is virtually zero risk of transmission. I’m all for people having this crucial discussion, especially if they are entering into a LTR, but this is click-bait bullshit to me.
ShiningSex
HIV is still killing people and many idiots who think meds are out there and it’s better are 100% wrong.
If you’re not protecting youself still, you’re a moron. Living with HIV is not a death sentence, but there are a lot of health problems that come with HIV illness and barebacking is not worth it. Be smart. YOU sound ignorant.
ShiningSex
If they’re your friend, tell them because the person may not have said anything. You should look out for your friends. Hopefully the HIV+ person is not a douche and keeps that important info from them.
HIV is still killing people and many idiots who think meds are out there and it’s better are 100% wrong.
If you’re not protecting youself still, you’re a moron. Living with HIV is not a death sentence, but there are a lot of health problems that come with HIV illness and barebacking is not worth it. Be smart.
winemaker
What’s this about anonomous hook ups? Really only gay men seem to think HIV can’t happen to them or it’s just taking a pill. and they’ll be fine That said, to those out there who have anonomous hook ups with complete strangers with a screw the consequence attitude you’re damned fools. Why are gay men still irresponsible after over 40 yoars of hiv knowing all that we know?. Keep it in your pants or wrap it up. Be smart!
abfab
Your sharp focus on Gay Men is telling. This is for ALL MEN.
And if you must use the same word twice in one paragraph, learn how to spell it.
Stan H
I would want to know. However all gay men that are dating should be on prep anyway. I would not be mad at a friend who told me that someone has HIV. This person that told you did the correct thing.
pbh
He can find someone else as can I.
Thank you. NOP. NO. N O.
NIET in Russian
LAAAAAA in Arabic
Oyshiiiiii in Greek
NO. Don’t overdo it, bitch3s
FRE0
The matter of protection during oral sex never seems to be mentioned.
A guy and I once tried a 69 together with condoms. Neither of us could feel anything so we just gave up and exchanged hand jobs.
Is there any adequate protection which works with oral sex?