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If There’s One Thing We’ll Take From Aaron Rodgersgate, It’s This Beautiful Mustache

Well, Aaron Rodgers, we had a good run. It feels like it’s only been a week since we first got to know you, after your “personal assistant” and longtime “roommate” Kevin Lanflisi alluded to a having a gay relationship with you and tweeted some photos that were pretty indicative of a gay relationship. aaronrodgers03 We fell in love with you when you confirmed that your friendship was “a lot deeper” (we wondered who, exactly, was the one going deep). tumblr_mvlx3lALL91qzthxgo1_500 It warmed our hearts when you said you based your personal friendships around other’s acceptance of your “friendship” with Kevin. The 2011 ESPY Awards - Backstage And Audience Because you have great friends, Aaron. xkevin-lanflisi-and-aaron-rodgers.jpg.pagespeed.ic.4jcXAC0EoH Then came your dad. Your “dad” wrote that scathing email about your relationship with a good “Christian” woman, and even though he sounded a bit insane, we were going to give you the benefit of the doubt. tumblr_muaucopTtV1rgiao3o1_500 Days passed with no word from you or your beautiful shaven face. tumblr_muw5jraZzN1qzthxgo1_500 We learned that you’re actually an incredibly talented football star and hoped you’d be our big gay hero. tumblr_myfzt6ugIE1slqpzao1_500 You could have been the first openly gay LGBT athlete in his prime, Aaron. Aaron Rodgers You were awarded the 2011 Super Bowl MVP! That’s major! tumblr_mylkzh8kHa1s6l8h3o1_500 Commenters called us “creepy” for “trying to out you” (even though Kevin Lanflisi tried to do that before us, LOL). tumblr_mwl81qX8He1r31inoo1_500 All we ever wanted was for you to be happy, Aaron. tumblr_myqai7gaco1riln6ko1_400 But alas, not even Christ himself (who you’re apparently good pals with) can make a big gay superhero out of a heterosexual man. tumblr_mympmc8Qyy1t1wfyto1_500 Not that we were trying, anyway. AaronRodgerswinsNFLMVPawardDIURENRxlarge Not even a great suit can make a man gay. tumblr_mwzxmbNBPc1s5wvh5o9_500 Because let’s face it, you know how to wear a suit really well. aaron-rodgers-celebs-at-la-clippers-vs_3542935 You can wear anything well, actually. tumblr_mvcx9oKfAj1smxab4o1_500 Including those cute little beanie caps. Aaron Rodgers Girlfriend Destiny Newton 2012_1 So you just came out and said that you weren’t gay. You “really, really like women,” which is great! More power to you, bro. Destiny-Newton-Aaron-Rodgers We’re just glad you addressed the situation in a respectable manner. Jp35x Destiny looks like a real keeper btw. tumblr_mtdt0xhfue1r4fk9jo1_r2_500 So now, we bid adieu to your gay rumors and will forever wonder what became of poor Kevin Lanflisi. 1877542090_1311457830001_file-6347134-81198f43f34f7901bf31eeba81a4e545 “Bid adieu to your gay rumors,” of course, until (and if) any more evidence comes to light. 620wtmj_102713packersvikings05 After all, people have been speculating about your sexuality since 2011. But if there’s one thing we’ve learned from this beautiful, albeit short relationship, it’s that… tumblr_mw62fvLqpA1s6vpv3o1_500 …you have a beautiful mustache. tumblr_mx086cC0x21qzthxgo1_500 Your mustache is something to be revered. The 2011 ESPY Awards - Arrivals We know that sometimes you had trouble figuring out exactly what you were trying to do with all that beautiful facial hair, tumblr_m12fz1K7XN1qdyvixo1_500 (1) and sometimes you just had a full-on beard, Aaron-Rodgers-featured-image but when you ran onto the field with that big, bushy caterpillar on your upper lip, we knew it was one of the best in history. Aaron-Rodgers.Lions.400 It shall be praised. tumblr_myqr0cPbV91ra90n2o1_500 So you’re free of gay speculation. For now. Aaron-Rodgers-6 We’ll just keep your mustache close to our hearts. We’ll watch for it again on Sunday, buddy. tumblr_mwl81qX8He1r31inoo3_400 And PS, you’re still pretty hot.