GOOSE CHASES

Iowa Man Bravely Fakes Gay Bashing, Blames Black Guy

30-year-old University of Iowa graduate student Ryan Grant Watson filed a police report saying that a black man “hit him in the face, causing him to fall back against [a brick] wall, sustaining cuts to his face, knee and ankle.” He also said the guy called him a faggot. Harrowing story, except that Watson later said that what really happened was that he got shit-faced, fell, and then injured himself. Police have charged him with the serious misdemeanor of providing a false report to law enforcement. Meanwhile the police have begun searching for the men actually responsible for Watson’s injuries crime—Johnny Walker and Jose Cuervo.