CRADLE ROBBING

Jared Polis And Marlon Reis Plan On Stealing Baby From Nameless Woman

Openly gay Congressman Jared Polis and Rachel Maddow-lookalike Marlon Reis plan on having a baby! Well, not having one so much as taking one either via adoption or surrogacy; they won’t say which. The couple will complete their Rumplestilskin-esque plan in September bringing all of America one step closer to total moral ruin—congratulations!*

*This is all sarcasm. Well, all except for the congratulations part.