Ode to Daddy Edwards

John Edwards Might Be a Criminal But He’s Still a DILF

Edwards Mugshot from U.S. Marshals Service
It's like the grin in that mugshot says "I'm not wearing any pants"...or maybe that's just what we hope it says.

He may be a lying, cheating, scoundrel but boy can John Edwards still take a good photo. In fact, the newly released mug shot of the disgraced former U.S. Senator is so good, it probably makes fellow pretty boys across America burn with envy, wishing him out of the picture and into the clink.

I’ve struggled with my intergenerational lust for certain liberal-leaning, handsome politicians for some time. I’m 28, and Mr. Johnny Reid Edwards is 58, a full 30 years my senior. Back in the day, when I wasn’t daydreaming about how good in bed Bill Clinton must be, I’d imagine how the conversation would go after I’d announce “Mom…Dad…this is my boyfriend, John Edwards.”

Just look at Mr. Edwards in his crisp white shirt and bold blue tie. The latter to bring out the rich, deep color of his beautiful blue eyes, of course. Admire that mane of warm, brown hair, which once was the subject of ridicule because it required those notoriously expensive $600 haircuts. But you still want to run your fingers through it, don’t you?

And when your eyes move down his face and land on those inviting lips, there’s that warm, friendly smile that he charmed us all with. Oh John Edwards, you were always so much better than the boy next door. You were our smart and sexy boyfriend, the one with a good job, attractive family, and that sweet, panty-dropping Southern accent. The one Mama would have warned us about, if only she hadn’t been so distracted by her own dirty fantasies about him.

Seeing this photo again, <sigh>… It just brings back memories of the days when our hearts felt so full, and the former trial lawyer from North Carolina seemed like he might be Vice-President, and one day even President of the free world.

But now, after refusing a plea deal with federal prosecutors because it meant he might have to face up to six months in prison, Edwards is stuck in the middle of an epic legal battle where the outcome, at least for him, doesn’t look so spectacular.

Despite the whole sleeping with the skank campaign videographer and covering up the lovechild ordeal, it is possible some people feel at least a bit badly for him. After all, he is a single dad (now that the cancer-stricken wife he cheated on is dead) and “to err is human” (though to lie to an entire nation about it is pretty outrageously arrogant and foolish).

At the same time, his legal team might be a little concerned that that tooth-baring grin in his mug shot might just piss off those who are out to get him even more. “You’re actually smiling?!?!

Our greater concern is just that the alleged sex tape he made with Rielle Hunter is never going to see the light of day. We’re betting that still from that bad boy will blow this pretty little mugshot right out of the water. Also if Johnny’s going to jail, we need to figure out pretty quickly where we need to commit a crime so we can end up in the same cellblock. North Carolina? D.C.? A little help anyone?

So congrats Daddy Edwards. You might be headed to the big house, but you are still one hot bitch.





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  • Caleb

    Fuck John Edwards. When he was running for president in 2008, he stated he was not in favor of gay marriage because of his religious beliefs (although he did say he was in favor of civil unions). I don’t care how much of a DILF he is, he yet another family values/anti-gay hypocrite who can’t keep his dick in his pants. Fuck John Edwards.

  • JoeyO'H

    I don’t know what it is but I’ve always thought Edwards was a good looking guy. He’s not drop dead gorgeous or has matinee idol looks, but there is a sense of “something” there for me, a DILF. His clean manner, great hair and tanned. I couldn’t believe he’s 58 years old. Actor Sean Hayes could pass as an Edwards relative. I think they have similar features.

    However, his looks are the only thing he has going for him for me. He’s not one of the good guys. His politics, infidelity, lying, stealing… I could go on and but everyone knows all of that.

    I feel for the Edwards’ children (and of course their mom who was so brave, strong and I feel so happy for her that she got away from him before she tragically passed away) who have dealt with so much in their young years between their father’s b.s. and the illness and death of their mom, Elizabeth.

    Edwards looks are the only thing going for him and I bet some here would differ. Still a DILF.

  • robert in NYC

    He’s despicable. This is the same man who railed against marriage equality, espousing the sanctity of marriage, family values while cheating on his terminally ill wife and breeding with another woman for a long period of time. He’s as bad as those other scumbags in the republican party, the ones who get a free pass and get re-elected, people like David Vitter who committed a serious crime of moral turpitude by soliciting sex from five prostitutes, another pro family values bigot and hypocrite.

  • Politically Incorrect Thug

    @robert in NYC: “He’s as bad as those other scumbags in the republican party”
    Ummm, common sense dictates I inform you that John Edwards is a proud Democrat. And the example you use of congressional indiscretion is David Vitter? Really? From 2 years ago? How about liberal god Anthony (the) Weiner? Forget about him already? Apparantly, the saying is true: Being a liberal means never having to say you’re sorry. (especially if you’re John Edwards).

  • Southside Shorty

    Sure, if DILF means, “Dude I’d Like to Forget.”

  • Caleb

    Politically Incorrect Thug, I think you missed the point of Robert’s post. He said Edwards was as bad as the hypocrites in the Republican Party, which implicitly acknowledges that he is a Democrat. I do have one question: How can Republicans like Vitter and Craig not resign and get reelected while the Democrats are forced to resign? Complete double standard.

  • christopher di spirito

    Supposedly, Edwards is rocking a horse dick but alas, the porn video he did will never be seen by the public.

    As for him being a DILF, I don’t see it but hey, to each his own.

  • robert in NYC

    No. 6, Caleb, thanks for clarifying that for No. 4. Republicans aren’t so good at reading anything thoroughly but usually rely on sound bites as facts.

    No.4, and I suppose you make an excuse for David Vitter having solicited sex from five prostitutes because it happened two years ago. Let me remind you, he solicited two of the five from his cell phone while congress was in session. He wasn’t asked to resign. This, from a man who espoused family values, opposed same-sex marriage because it violated the sanctity thereof.

    Anthony Weiner’s behavior is despicable and John Edwards’ beyond belief. The only difference between Weiner and Vitter et al is that he didn’t commit any crimes and he didn’t run a campaign based on denying gays their rights, including serial adulterer Newt Gingrich at the time he was in office. Vitter sought re-election and won with the help of his colleagues in the House. Eric Cantor considered Vitter’s sexual romps, “a family matter”. Why can’t you republicans take ownership of your own hypocrisy and admit it. I’d have more respect for you. Nobody is perfect, so quit the doublestandard and the excuses.

  • ArtNYC

    whatever…I agree John Edwards is DILF

  • TMikel

    In what alternative universe is John Edwards a DILF? We have heard and read far too much about this narcissist lately and it is time for him to fade away with what little grace he might manage. The egos of these politicians from Gingrich to Edwards to Perry to Santorum is appalling. Why don’t we rate some on merit rather than looks or sex appeal. Shame on Queerty for this report!

  • RightR

    John Edwards is a very average-looking man. My opinion only. To each his own.

  • RightR

    Though I guess I’d tke him over that Anthony Weiner !

  • James Davis

    DILF? I don’t think so. What this man did to his dying wife is so ugly no amount of physical beauty could ever cover it up.

  • ArtNYC

    His wife was no saint. She knew of his affair and was going to lie with him to the country by going ahead with the presidential campaign.

    Don’t care what he did, just want to do him.

  • Libertarian Larry

    @Caleb: A couple months ago, when Rep Chris Lee twittered a shirtless pic of himself to a woman, House Speaker Boehner immediately took charge and told Lee to hit the road, which he did. Nancy Pelosi’s position on Weiner’s scandal? “His constituents should decide his future.” So now who’s sporting the double standard? But this argument is ridiculous, since both Right and Left pols are guilty of this kind of behavior. Just don’t make a fool of yourself by calling the Republicans hypocritical, when there are just as many Dems who’re just as guilty of the same, if not worse.

  • Sebastian

    I used to love Queerty for it’s fun, factual and cheeky articles. However, with one sole article, I have completely lost all respect for this site. Way to perpetuate stereotypes that all gay men are salacious deviants who only think with their cock. The man is a miserable lying scumbag who has carried on an affair while his wife is dying. He’s fucking around on the taxpayer’s dime, and is a representative of this country (what a sad current state of affairs), and all you have to say about is basically “Whatever, I’d hit it.” You guys should’ve stayed offline.

  • spider_orchid

    Is he a terrible person. Yes. Is he an asshole for cheating on his wife, who had CANCER? Yes. Do I still want to see his sex tape because it says he has a huge wang? Yup.

  • robert in NYC

    No. 15…I for one call both sides out for their behavior (I’m a Green by the way). But please, why wasn’t Vitter asked to resign? There’s no excuse. He committed a crime of moral turpitude, a Class A felony I believe when he solicited 5 prostitutes and Eric Cantor thinks that was “a family matter” to resolve? Please! Admit the double-standard. Anthony Weiner, though I despise his behavior, didn’t call for a ban on gays marrying or keeping DADT legal, among other things. Most republicans do. Just look at the parade of clowns at the GOP debate this week. Ron Paul may be a civil libertarian republican but he’s NEVER said that marriage equality should be legal in all states at the federal level. He chants that stupid “get government out of the marriage business” nonsense that he knows is never going to happen and he’s not going to win either. Delusional! Its going to be a psycho-talking Tea Partyer calling the shots in 2012, and every one of you will fall in line at the 11th hour and vote in lockstep for them, the very people who vote against YOU, villify, denigrate and dehumanize you and your rights. Good luck with that. Knock yourself out!

  • jeff4justice

    Nothing attractive about leaving behind his awesome wife dying of cancer to fuck around while, as others have mentioned, being anti marriage equality.

    It’s as gross as gay guys who enjoy contributing to the infidelity of closeted gays and rewarding their fear-based life choice (albeit understandably) by sexing with them.

    I don’t believe in endlessly condemning someone. May he find peace and make better life choices in the future.

  • caffesilvia

    Ew. He’s just another sleazy-looking politician. If not for his public position, no one would even give him a second glance.

    What is it with Beltway types that causes everyone to drastically lower their standards of beauty? I don’t get it. Even that Anderson Cooper guy that everyone raves about is, really, just another talking head. Not especially interesting, not especially sexy. What gives?

  • mrbrodybrown

    @Sebastian: Sebastian, dear, didn’t mean to offend you…well…didn’t mean to offend you that much..and apologies you didn’t see feel this post wasn’t cheeky enough. i think if you look at the intro you’ll see we called out that he’s a “lying, cheating, scoundrel” and that we didn’t say he’s above the law, a model of good behavior, or a saint. i mean, do you realllllly think i want to go to jail just to be in the same cell block as Edwards? I mean, if I didn’t go to jail just to be in the same cellblock when Paris Hilton, when is in the clink, I’m definitely not going to do it when Mr. Edwards goes in. oops…was the Paris Hilton reference perpetuating other gay stereotypes? at least this time I wasn’t just “thinking with my cock” : )

  • Michael

    Definitely no DILF and dont care about him either way.Hes a despicable person who fucked his wonderful incredibly loving wife over .RIP Elizabeth always.

  • Ginasf

    ‘Douchebag I’d like to F*ck’… no thank you. Elizabeth deserved much better.

  • Libertarian Larry

    @robert in NYC: A Tea Partier nominated from the Republican party in 2012? Not likely. Nor is it even possible for Sarah Palin to win (not that she’ll run). At this time prior to the ’92 election, Bill Clinton’s polls were in the single digits, so although all signs point to Romney as the nominee, the RNC convention is still a year away.

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