Ode to Daddy Edwards

John Edwards Might Be a Criminal But He’s Still a DILF

Edwards Mugshot from U.S. Marshals Service
It's like the grin in that mugshot says "I'm not wearing any pants"...or maybe that's just what we hope it says.

He may be a lying, cheating, scoundrel but boy can John Edwards still take a good photo. In fact, the newly released mug shot of the disgraced former U.S. Senator is so good, it probably makes fellow pretty boys across America burn with envy, wishing him out of the picture and into the clink.

I’ve struggled with my intergenerational lust for certain liberal-leaning, handsome politicians for some time. I’m 28, and Mr. Johnny Reid Edwards is 58, a full 30 years my senior. Back in the day, when I wasn’t daydreaming about how good in bed Bill Clinton must be, I’d imagine how the conversation would go after I’d announce “Mom…Dad…this is my boyfriend, John Edwards.”

Just look at Mr. Edwards in his crisp white shirt and bold blue tie. The latter to bring out the rich, deep color of his beautiful blue eyes, of course. Admire that mane of warm, brown hair, which once was the subject of ridicule because it required those notoriously expensive $600 haircuts. But you still want to run your fingers through it, don’t you?

And when your eyes move down his face and land on those inviting lips, there’s that warm, friendly smile that he charmed us all with. Oh John Edwards, you were always so much better than the boy next door. You were our smart and sexy boyfriend, the one with a good job, attractive family, and that sweet, panty-dropping Southern accent. The one Mama would have warned us about, if only she hadn’t been so distracted by her own dirty fantasies about him.

Seeing this photo again, … It just brings back memories of the days when our hearts felt so full, and the former trial lawyer from North Carolina seemed like he might be Vice-President, and one day even President of the free world.

But now, after refusing a plea deal with federal prosecutors because it meant he might have to face up to six months in prison, Edwards is stuck in the middle of an epic legal battle where the outcome, at least for him, doesn’t look so spectacular.

Despite the whole sleeping with the skank campaign videographer and covering up the lovechild ordeal, it is possible some people feel at least a bit badly for him. After all, he is a single dad (now that the cancer-stricken wife he cheated on is dead) and “to err is human” (though to lie to an entire nation about it is pretty outrageously arrogant and foolish).

At the same time, his legal team might be a little concerned that that tooth-baring grin in his mug shot might just piss off those who are out to get him even more. “You’re actually smiling?!?!

Our greater concern is just that the alleged sex tape he made with Rielle Hunter is never going to see the light of day. We’re betting that still from that bad boy will blow this pretty little mugshot right out of the water. Also if Johnny’s going to jail, we need to figure out pretty quickly where we need to commit a crime so we can end up in the same cellblock. North Carolina? D.C.? A little help anyone?

So congrats Daddy Edwards. You might be headed to the big house, but you are still one hot bitch.