girl, calm down

Josh Hawley can’t decide what’s scarier: UFOs or gay people who threaten his masculinity

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Nobody is more relieved that Pride month is winding down than Josh Hawley. The barrage of rainbow logos and all this talk about gay people has made him feel really, really uncomfortable.

The quick-footed, anti-LGBTQ+ senator from Missouri gave a rousing speech at the uber-conservative Road to Majority conference on Friday, where he lamented about all the “woke” marketing agendas that have bombarded social media this Pride season.

In his speech, Hawley whined about how more and more corporations are pushing a “religion of woke” and how “cultural Marxism” is on the brink of taking the nation hostage.

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Lucas Kunce & his killer thighs hit Josh Hawley where it hurts the most: right in the “Manhood”

Actor Jon Hamm also offered an assist.

“These new Marxists want to give America a new religion. They want to impose on us the religion of woke,” Hawley ranted. “It is the religion of transgenderism, critical race theory and open borders, multiculturalism, and they are shoving it down our throats.”

The wine aficionado and Manhood author went on to say that “gender ideology” and “transgender ideology” have taken root in the Democratic Party and the media and that it has now “infected even our corporations”, making it the #1 greatest threat to America.

“Every red-blooded, blue-collar working man in this country that he needs to be reeducated!” Hawley said.

“We may not have started this culture war, but we’re going to win it! There is no reason why corporate America should control this country. I’ve got news for these woke corporations, we’re not going to surrender this nation!”

Girl, calm down.

Interestingly, just two days before his speech at the Road to Majority conference, Hawley suggested the #1 greatest threat to America wasn’t “woke agendas” or LGBTQ+ people, it was actually UFOs.

“The number of these is apparently huge, huge,” he said during an interview with NewsNation last Wednesday. “And that is something that the government has, the best I can say about it, downplayed, if not kept from the public, for a long, long time.”

Hawley was responding to a question about retired U.S. Air Force veteran David Grusch, who told NewsNation earlier in the month that there’s a top secret government program that has uncovered fully intact “non-human exotic origin vehicles” and several “non-human” remains.

“I don’t have any basis to evaluate them [Grusch’s claims], but do some of the details that he’s alleging, do they sound plausible? Yeah, sure,” Hawley said last Wednesday, adding, “They sound plausible, based on what I’ve seen this government do in other instances.”

“What we learned from the Chinese spy balloon incident is that one part of the government actively concealed it from other parts of the government… because that’s what they do all the time.”

Girl, make up your mind!

We’re gonna go out on a limb and say the #1 greatest threat to America isn’t gay people or UFOs. It’s guys like Josh Hawley.

Before you go, here’s a photo of Josh browsing for chardonnay at his local wine shop that he really, really, really doesn’t want you to see…

Related:

Watch this law professor take Josh Hawley to school for his transphobia

This might be too much information for the junior senator to process.

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