There are bad dates, and then there’s this.
A Kansas man was in the process of getting to home base with an automobile of unidentified make and model (we’re thinking something sporty) when his ménage-à-truck was interrupted by the receiving end of a taser gun.
It was likely not the big finish he was hoping for.
So what happened exactly?
Ryan Malek, 23, was named in a Municipal Court complaint for allegedly trying repeatedly to engage sexually with the tailpipe of a parked car.
Related: Florida man exposes himself at Target for $20, is promptly arrested
He stands accused of exposing himself with the intent of arousing or gratifying “sexual desires.” Who said romance was dead?
He’ll have to face a judge on July 19 to answer to the charge.
According to police, Malek was heavily intoxicated when they arrived on the scene in Newton, 25 miles north of Wichita.
Even as police demanded Malek get out from underneath the car, he continued in his pursuit of vehicular copulation.
Ultimately, police tasered him and took him into custody, at which point his blood alcohol level was more than four times the legal limit.
ingyaom
“Four times the legal limit” for what, masturbating?
ElPillo
Could he get it up with that much alcohol?
nmharleyrider
Not for masturbating, stupid, for excessive drinking. don’t you read?
carver.robertd
Kansas? “Auntie Em! Auntie Em!”
windwitch
And what…we didn’t do stupid shit? Oh I beg to differ! ??
tjack47
That is hilarious. I needed this story.
Imwiththedogs
I don’t get it….a cute guy that could probably F**K anyone he wants and he chooses a tail pipe..? Ryan, I have a much tighter tail pipe and you won’t get arrested. Come to LA
fur_hunter
OK….I’m here to say it. THIS ONE takes the cake!!!! Is this going to be called truck molestation? Is the truck going to testify? GRIN! If having sex with animals is called ‘bestiality’, I guess sex with a vehicle would be called ‘vehiclestiality’. Yeah. HEEHEHEH AHAHAHHA.
JK 1984
Mechaphilia.
There are enough people into it that it has a name. Learned this one at a quiz night, and I thought I was weird.
Jvp03
Lmao it was a dodge dart
mc4bbs
After he was done, was he “exhausted”? (ROFL!)
Seriously, there are videos on Xtube of guys copulating with the tailpipes of trucks, motorcycles and cars. It’s a fetish.
JK 1984
Every generation has it’s people who do dumb things. Some if my dad’s stories from the 60s put this to shame.
paul dorian lord fredine
no, really? there was alcohol involved? color me shocked!!!
novadude
Actually I am surprised it was alcohol and not “something else.” I’d think enough alcohol to produce that behavior would also have produced unconsciousness.
Juanjo
Four times the legal limit means he had a.32 BAC which is dangerously high. At that level, it is common to have vomiting and severe nausea. In addition, all mental, physical and sensory functions are severely impaired. It is also common to have blackouts which could be why he did not respond to the cops when they initially challenged him.
Curtispsf
I’m betting crystal “mess” was involved. I know someone who claims to have had sex with space aliens while high on meth.
SunsOut
I checked out this guy’s Facebook. He posts a lot of Jesusy stuff. Wonder what his fellow Christians at church are going to think about this.
Josh447
His pastor probably recommended it until he was married to a woman and had a legal tail pipe to poke.
Dwik27
OK – I’ve heard the women in Kansas aren’t espcially pretty, but come on….
barbrasings
I once attempted to seduce my mother’s very hot Latino gardener by standing shirtless at the kitchen window and fellating a carrot. It didn’t work.
Jvp03
You’re my new bestie
Ryan Field
It’s called “Object Sexuality.” And it’s interesting how something like this is treated with such insensitivity in such a PC publication. You might want to check out this link so you don’t insult those people who are dealing with OS. Just because you or I don’t understand something doesn’t mean we have to laugh at it. This guy has something very legitimate he’s dealing with. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Object_sexuality
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
Last night I dreamed I was an exhaust pipe!!
I woke up exhausted!!
Caligari
How autoerotic!
Sam6969
What shocks me the most is the police resorting to violence using a TASER…or was it meant to accelerate the orgasm? ^^
This is a video
of a man in a homosexual relationship with a car 🙂
(mentioned in this Motherboard’s article)
Kangol
How is the relationship “homosexual”? “Autosexual” or “mechanosexual,” etc., yes. But there’s nothing gay about this.
Gregg
It‘s a dude try to have sex with an automobile, so we know it‘s not a Subaru. #RimShot
Birdbrain1963
I remember a guy in High School tried this with a knothole in an old tree. When caught, we named him stump. Though his branch was far from the size of a stump!
Billy Budd
I dont understand this. He is cute. Very cute. He could stick it in almost any guy or girl. But he prefers a car?!?
prarie pup
It was AUTO-erotic. Get it? AUTO-erotic…BWAA, HA, HA, HAAAAA!
How much meth did THAT guy smoke?
pscheck2
Interesting fetish, but he should restrict his consumption of whatever and save his ‘top’ for a vagina or a nice A/hole! (Cute!, though.)
nastya_rotchakakoff
See… it’s not Florida… told ya… lol! but in this case it does seem the police did “auto” matically resort to more violent means before “exhaust”ing all other available intercourses, uhm, I mean resources! ? Sounds more to me like a case of autoanophilia!
Patsy Stoned 75
They don’t have cows?
Felecia
Perhaps we have the intent all wrong….I’ve had a few used-cars turn out to be lemons that utterly ‘fu*ked’ ME….so maybe he was simply returning the favor, lol….did anyone ask if the damn thing even RUNS….???