“As difficult as it has been writing this, there’s a point–a perspective, mine and other men’s, that shouldn’t be silent,” Joseph Rogers writes in a new op-ed titled “Men are survivors of sexual assault too.”
Rogers is a senior at Chico State University in California, finishing up his degree in sociology. The article was published in his college newspaper, The Orion.
“Statistics regarding male victims of sexual assault are scarce and inconsistent,” he writes. “Some will say that 10 percent of all victims of ‘sexual assault, sexual abuse and rape’ are male. Others will go higher and put the number at 38 percent of victims.”
Rogers blames the lack of consistent data on the stigma surrounding male sexual assault, and the belief that only women can truly be victims.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
“There’s a belief that a man wasn’t strong enough to prevent the assault,” he writes. “Or that straight male victims might think that they will be perceived as gay. Or gay male victims may feel targeted because of their orientation.”
He continues: “Male sexual assault survivors experience similar psychological effects to those of their female counterparts. Depression, fear, anger, disbelief, guilt and doubt plague assault survivors of any gender identity.”
“It hurts,” he writes. “A lot.”
And he would know. Rogers himself was sexually assaulted on two separate occasions.
The first incident happened when he was just 9 years old. He was in a public shower when a teenager who worked for his family molested him. He didn’t tell anyone about the assault, instead quietly carrying it with him, letting it fester for more than a decade, until it happened again.
The second incident occurred just a few years ago. Rogers recalls being at a friend’s 21st birthday party and talking to another guy. The man handed him a drink and, Rogers says, “I have no memory until the morning.”
He woke up the next day “naked and disoriented” and “being licked by his big-ass Dalmatian while he [was] getting dressed.”
“It [was] the sexual comments about ‘last night’ that confirmed sexual activity,” Rogers writes. “And I didn’t find a condom wrapper anywhere.”
“I didn’t end up reporting these assaults,” he says. “When I was 9, there hadn’t been the conversation about child molestation or rape so who’d believe that I wasn’t making it up. As for the second one, I was frightened. I was dealing with self-doubt. I didn’t want to deal with the police. Would the responding officer mock me? Make inappropriate comments?”
It has taken some time, but Rogers says he’s finally found the bravery to share what happened to him.
“One of the greatest men I know once told me if I really wish to make a difference in the world I have to tell my story,” he says. “Not the public story I share with others in polite arenas — the real, personal one.”
Perhaps in doing so, Rogers hopes, he will help empower other male victims of sexual assault to stand up for themselves, too.
Related stories:
15-Year-Old Kentucky Boy Gang Raped By Five Men In Videotaped Assault
Was This Guy Date Raped Or Not? He Isn’t Sure.
Brutal Gang Rape Forces Gay Man To Flee His Home Country For The Safety Of The U.S.
vive
Being drugged is one thing, but some people can get retrograde amnesia from too much alcohol, even though they may have seemed coherent at the time. It is not necessarily rape if you just can’t remember it. Let’s not water down the definition of rape too much.
Low Country Boy
@vive: Are you f@#$ing kidding me? What kind of troll are you?
dtpm
I wonder how much he is ‘bravely’ making out of these revelations.
Low Country Boy
Let me guess? Vive and dtpm are the same person trolling this site. You both need to get a freaking clue about sexual assault. Let me guess, you both think Cosby is TOTALLY innocent, right?
jwtraveler
@vive: @dtpm: You guys are part of the problem. Your attitudes are what keep male victims of sexual assault from reporting to the police, seeking out help and getting justice. By denying victimization you are participating in it.
Low Country Boy
@jwtraveler: Thank you, Sir!
Cam
@dtpm:
Anybody notice that the trolls never offer facts, just put these little idiotic suggestions out there.
Well, gee, dtpm, you want to know how much he is making out of these “Revelations”, well here’s an idea, why don’t you look up to see how much college newspapers pay to people they interview.
Oh wait, the answer is NOTHING. Well then, I guess you have your answer. But then again, you already knew that didn’t you?
vive
@Low Country Boy, @jwtraveler, I am not denying that rape is a problem. Of course it is. However, if drunk sex is rape, then we are all rape victims. Not enough information is given in this article to really know, and lots of accusations are made by people who want attention, and by people who are being taught (by well-intentioned though misguided educators) that any sex you regret afterwards is basically retroactively rape.
If this guy were serious, he could have easily gone to be tested for the presence of a date rape drug in his system. Otherwise these are just allegations.
Captain proton
He should name his attackers. the one who attacked him when he was 9 could be married with kids of his own by now.
Giancarlo85
Someone who is intoxicated can still say no and refuse sex. And yes, someone intoxicated can still be raped. I’m with jw on this one. Anyone who thinks one cannot be raped if they are drunk is no better than those idiot republicans who talk about rape. The thought process on here is pretty slow.
Giancarlo85
http://www.ranker.com/list/the-8-most-horribly-insensitive-republican-rape-comments/molly-mahan
These are just some of the republican quotes on rape. And some comments like: “It is not necessarily rape if you just can’t remember it. Let’s not water down the definition of rape too much” remind me of those remarks.
How ignorant can people be on this matter?
Rape is rape. Raping someone who is intoxicated is rape. Stop trying to blur the lines.
vive
@Giancarlo85, of course drunk people can be raped. And drunk people can be rapists too. But not all drunk sex is rape.
This guy got drunk and blacked out what happened after. For all we know he could have been the instigator and topped the other guy bareback until his eyes popped out. If he wanted to do some good, he could have had a drug screen and taken it to court instead of making nebulous allegations that recent high-profile cases in the news have shown to be as likely to be false as they are to be true.
vive
@Giancarlo85, getting drunk and waking up with no memory of what happened the night before is certainly not nice. It can even be traumatic. It is definitely the result of bad decisions on your part. But you need more than that to call it rape.
I work at an Ivy League and I see how our special little snowflakes are being infantilized regarding sex. Regret some sex you had? No problem – you can unmake your bad decision by calling it sexual assault. It is in my opinion an insult to people who are really sexually assaulted.
Cam
@vive: said… “This guy got drunk and blacked out what happened after.”
_____________________
And how exactly did you get that from the sentence “The man handed him a drink and, Rogers says, “I have no memory until the morning.”
You certainly got a bunch of detail from that statement that weren’t actually in that statement.
enlightenone
@Low Country Boy: “…Are you f@#$ing kidding me? What kind of troll are you?”
He’s NOT a “troll.” Not a good start for a serious, perhaps lifesaving discussion for someone on this thread!
Giancarlo85
@vive: Your ignorance continues. Keep it up with the platitudes. You sound like Todd Akin. Your attitude is repulsive and you don’t know a fking thing that happened to this guy… So learn how to show some respect.
The victim in this wasn’t the instigator. But please keep on posting about how little you know about rape and sexual assault. The victim was given a date rape drug most likely, but your small mind can’t seem to figure that one out.
Giancarlo85
@vive: You are a repulsive piece of work. What happened to this guy is textbook rape. But keep posting all the delusions you like.
Paco
I can see why many rapes and sexual assaults go unreported. So many people automatically try to blame the victim or question if the person was really assaulted and make excuses for it.
Giancarlo85
We apparently have the internet psychopath… I mean psychologist telling us what legitimate rape is lol. Todd Akin style. Blame the victim everytime. Raped? Oh the victim always instigated it.
Blackceo
As someone who was sexually assaulted, I am very disappointed by some of the comments on here and it’s part of the reason why I never reported my attackers. There is always some sort of slut shaming commentary, or commentary that implies the victim is at fault or making something up because they were regretful. Im not saying it doesn’t happen but the vast majority of cases are not like that. And no I cant link you to some statistic but rather my own experience in talking with other male victims and having been a counselor on my campus when I was at university. It happens way more than people realize.
billforsyth
Getting very drunk to the point of unconsciousness may be foolish and unwise but it is not criminal nor does it signify consent ,To have sex with someone who is through drugs or alcohol incapable of giving that consent is rape .Sex is not dirty or shameful but it must be consensual .It is not taking advantage of someone or some other euphemism it is rape .There is already a commonly held and wrong view that all gay men are feckless and promiscuous where sex is involved and that discernment is absent Shaming victims of serious sexual assault only aids the criminal.
DistingueTraces
@dtpm: I know that’s how I achieved my current glamorous lifestyle — I disclosed my history of rape, and the money came rolling in.
Ah, those sweet, sweet rape dollars. There’s no better way to make some cash in a hurry!
Silverfhorn
All: I would encourage you to read my original article at http://theorion.com/blog/2015/02/25/men-are-survivors-of-sexual-assault-too/
@dtpm: I don’t actually make anything. Especially since this position at The Orion is a class (JOUR 330) I’m actually the one paying for it. But I understand that some expect payment for the hype and the like.
@vive: I think the author of this article didn’t quite get the “he handed me a drink…” part across the way I intended it or else I didn’t. This wasn’t a stereotypical student party.
Please read the original with the understanding that I was up against a word limit.
@Graham Gremore: Please contact me. You found something on the net to know that I’m a senior in Sociology.
For the rest: Thank you for your support. It wasn’t easy writing this piece, but I really think that it was time.
jwtraveler
@vive: Rogers recalls being at a friend’s 21st birthday party and talking to another guy. The man handed him a drink and, Rogers says, “I have no memory until the morning.”
It sounds like he might have been drugged.
Now tell us how that was his fault.
NoCagada
So, the Dalmatian was getting himself dressed while licking him?
jwtraveler
@Blackceo: I think it’s a natural tendency for people to blame the victim. It’s a psychological defense mechanism. You tell yourself that someone was victimized because they did something wrong. So if I don’t make the same mistake, I won’t be victimized too. It’s a lot scarier to admit that you don’t have control over the situation and can be victimized regardless of what you do.
Silverfhorn
@NoCagada: He was getting dressed while the dog was licking me. It’s what woke me up… My apologies if that wasn’t written correctly to make that clear..
vinceness
Oh give me a break!! I’m sure he got severely intoxicated, got all freaky and then when he woke up he felt guilty about his behavior. Suddenly he convinces himself to jump on the date rape hysteria bandwagon and try to convince himself and others that he was “raped.” It’s time to put on those big girl panties and take responsibility.
dave lopes
From my own experience, I have had self described “straight” guys get high or drunk before receiving head.
I went to all boys boarding schools and remember experimenting with older boys. I was not forced and enjoyed it.
Some could claim the above as rape, i would not.
But each person’s experience is different, so we have to accept the individual’s interpretation.
As an adult, I never drink ANYTHING at a new friend or a stranger’s house…not even water.
jar
@vive: So, it’s not rape if you can’t remember it? What more could a rapist ask for? They applaud you. Fellow travelers, perhaps?
Silverfhorn
@vinceness: One, I’m quite comfortable with my sexuality. Two, the issue of rape and sexual assault deals with consent. Even if a survivor finds someone attractive it doesn’t mean that they are consenting to have sex with them. That is the victim blaming tactic of “they were asking for it.”
Three, as someone made me aware of this article posted here and I have actively engaged with it please address your comments to ME. I wish I had a way to confirm that I’m the original author besides giving the horrible details.
Four, I think there’s something interesting about my assault at 26 versus the one I had at nine. Folks want to blame any sort of alcohol consumption but are oddly silent on the situation when I was nine?
Hmmm…
Blackceo
@dave lopes:
Don’t you miss those boarding school days?? Oh my we were up to thangs during those years.
@jwtraveler:
Yeah I hear what you are saying but we have to get out of that mind frame.
@Silverfhorn:
Thanks for telling your story.
enlightenone
@Silverfhorn: “…Folks want to blame any sort of alcohol consumption but are oddly silent on the situation when I was nine? Hmmm… ”
Not to diminish in any way how you experienced what happened to you at 26, there are stark developmental differences for 9 and 26 that would suggest why there is silence re the assault/rape/molest at age 9.
Silverfhorn
@enlightenone: Very true. I think there’s a perception that once someone (of any gender identity) is of a legal age that they must have asked for it? A child at nine doesn’t (in my experience) know much about sex or sexuality (I realized I was gay at 13) and so is assumed to be innocent of, I guess, assault baiting? At 26, and I freely wrote that I thought the guy was attractive, that makes a difference? I was single at the time. I’d have preferred a number/e-mail and a date later..
enlightenone
@Silverfhorn: “…At 26, and I freely wrote that I thought the guy was attractive, that makes a difference? I was single at the time. I’d have preferred a number/e-mail and a date later..”
I so get it and appreciate your “romantic” side. I can relate. Professionally, I worked with male marines who were sexually assaulted/raped. The circumstances of the detailed narrative would be a personal telling they will identify!
I did comment directly on your blog! Your post was well-written, and therefore will be helpful for someone who did not experience the trauma of a sexual assault or someone who has, especially a man!
vive
@jar: “@vive: So, it’s not rape if you can’t remember it?”
No, that is not what I said. If you don’t remember it, it could well have been rape. But it also could well have NOT been rape. Since you don’t know what happened, how do you know rape took place, or if maybe you were the one doing the raping? Usually both parties are intoxicated in these situations. So who is the rapist? The one who happens to remember some details? The top automatically? The man automatically? The bottom?
vive
@Silverfhorn, I have gotten a little more intoxicated than I intended to and had sex on various occasions that I couldn’t quite remember the details of afterwards. It has never occurred to me to call it rape. If you think you were drugged, as opposed to just having alcohol amnesia (which can present retrograde just like you described), why didn’t you go for a drug screen at your student medical center or local ER the day after so you could have had evidence to take to the authorities? Otherwise you have some responsibility for letting this guy go unpunished to continue his raping ways.
vive
@Silverfhorn, by the way, it probably didn’t come across that if you were indeed drugged, you do have my sincere sympathy. But that isn’t clear from your description. Lots of people who get drunk can’t remember past the first drink, even though they may have appeared lucid to others. I just don’t think drunk sex is rape. Or traumatic sex (necessarily) either. I have been subject to both, by the way, but I don’t consider myself a rape victim/survivor.
Giancarlo85
V@vive: You don’t know anything about sexual assault. And all you are trying to do is blame the victim, who was in fact sexually assaulted. You want to know why rape and sexual assault is totally underreported? Because of people like you. People like you who talk like Republicans and basically say the victim should enjoy the rape and forget about it. Then you try to equate rape and sexual assault to drunken sex. You are just an ignorant fool.
And many rape and sexual assault victims feel shame and don’t report it right away. Plus many feel afraid to do so because of potential shaming from others. Or from people like you accusing the victim of lying and asking for it. You are pathetic on so many levels.
Giancarlo85
@vive: Who says this case was drunk sex? He was drugged and rape. Can’t you fffing read? And someone who is drunk can be raped. I don’t even know why I bother.
Giancarlo85
@vinceness: Oh another fool who likes to blame the victim.
This is exactly why people don’t report rape or sexual assault… Or at least not right away. Idiots who accuse them of wanting it and asking for it. I remember one quote from a Republican… Rape is like weather, best to just enjoy it. I think I am paraphrasing but close enough.
Do you guys actually read what you write before you post it? Because it doesn’t seem to be the case.
CCTR
@Silverfhorn: Thanks for sharing your story and bringing awareness regarding male victims of sexual assault.
Is there a statue of limitations on sexual assault in CA? Is seeking justice part of you healing process?
You write about reasons as to why you didn’t speak up at age 9 and at age 26. As you are able to offer a personal perspective, is there a follow up article in the works on encouraging and empowering victims to speak out and/or ways to protect themselves and children from being victims of sexual assault?
jwtraveler
@vinceness: You’re sickening.
jwtraveler
For anyone reading this story who has been the victim of sexual assault, regardless of your age at the time, or whether you were drunk or high, or who the person was who assaulted you:
DON’T LISTEN TO THESE IGNORANT ASSHOLES! If you were sexually assaulted, IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT! If you did not consent, or were unable to consent, it was assault and IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT! Don’t listen to the “blame the victim” idiots who post here. There are social service agencies, hospitals, universities, gay centers, etc. where you will be taken seriously and believed, where you will find people who care and where you will get the medical, psychological and legal help that you need. In major cities it should be easy to find. In small towns and rural areas it may be harder. Check out RAINN at rainn.org/get-help or call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-HOPE.
No one deserves to be sexually assaulted.
Giancarlo85
Don’t try to talk sense to these losers on here, jw. They don’t know anything about sexual assault. They think everything is the victim’s fault… even if that person was intoxicated. One of my bestfriends was given a spike drink and raped by two different guys… but, according to the tools on here it was his fault for asking for it.
I’m telling you… this country has many screwed up delusional people, and some of them post on here too.
Mack
@dave lopes: The only way I would drink at a stranger house is if I opened the can myself or if I got it from the faucet myself.
And if you didn’t consent to it, it’s rape.
dave lopes
@Mack: Every sexual act I have participated in, I have consented to.
From my pre-teen days in boarding school…i even made a play for the adult yardman. Did not get it but still dream about it.
He was tall dark and natural muscles everywhere and me at 11 starting to have these feelings.
gawd, i was a little male nympho…..lol
Clark35
This happens more often than people want to admit.
BlogShag
@vive: OMG! Did you really write that?? You are a sick rapist, I see. :\ Freakin’ sicko scum
BlogShag
@dave lopes: Oh Please, back in those days, if anyone ever found out, thank god they didn’t, the cops should have arrested me, not the men. I was such a slut when I was a kid. I was actively looking for it, and got it. It started at 11. By THE AGE 13 I took myself to the Gay And Lesbian Community Center. Had all kinds of pervs come on to me there, but I wasn’t interested because they were FAT.