Husbands Luke Rutherford and Matthew Mitcham (Photo: @matthewmitcham88)
Former Olympic diver Matthew Mitcham, 35, has been opening up about his relationship with his husband.
Mitcham is currently taking part in the TV reality show SAS Australia. Celebrities take part in a grueling round of challenges to test whether they’ve got what it takes to serve in an elite military regiment.
There are psychological as well as physical challenges. In the latest episode, they undertook a “setting fire to shame” test. They were asked to speak about something over which they felt shame, to help overcome feelings of trauma.
Mitcham has previously spoken candidly about overcoming substance abuse issues. He’s been clean and sober for over seven years. However, he said he still sometimes has trouble being completely honest with those closest to him.
“I am so ashamed of the immense pain I caused someone for 11 years and who stayed with me throughout my addiction.
“And even though I have been clean and sober for several years and that has been one of his absolute deciding factors, I still struggle to be completely honest with my husband.
“Honesty is not one of my core values and I’m a liar”
Mitcham went on to explain that although he and his husband, Luke Rutherford, had an “understanding” regarding sex with other people, “I haven’t been the best husband. I’ve definitely caused a lot of pain and I still have a lot of shame for the lies and deception in my relationship.”
“I let my own insecurities, fears, and trust issues be bigger than a promise I made to him. And in doing so, I caused so much harm and serious damage to the relationship.
“So what I’m most ashamed to admit today is that I hurt the people who matter most to me because honesty is not one of my core values and I’m a liar.”
Mitcham married his British husband, Luke Rutherford, in 2020. They are based in London.
Rutherford has an OnlyFans account which has included erotic content. He also works as a massage therapist. Mitcham has also got his own OnlyFans, but it’s not explicitly sexual in nature.
Mitcham became the first out-gay man to win an Olympic gold medal when he took the 10m platform at the 2008 Beijing Games. In recent years, he’s explored a career as an actor. Last month, he made his British stage debut in the play Strangers In Between.
It’s never a good thing when you can’t be honest with those you love. Having said that, I seriously doubt he’s as much of a serial liar as George Santos, who definitely gets the gold medal for lying.
Your point is well taken; it isn’t made clear in the article. It’s probably a safe bet the lies were rooted in his addiction issues; I’m guessing there were times he tried to convince his husband he was clean when he wasn’t. Denial can play a huge part in situations like this.
He’s on a reality show. It’s all performative. Note how his confession of “shame” adds up to “I’ve had loads of sex with men in my open relationship; I just haven’t always told the husband”. It’s virtually a brag. If he’d said “I had so much potential, first as an athlete, then as a performer, but now I’ve trashed my life by becoming a scuzzy porn star” I’d have believed him.
One is a drug addict and they both have an OnlyFans account – but still cling to a vision of long-term devotion and fidelity you find in an Ozzie & Harriet style marriage? The internal psychic dissonance must be migraine-inducing.
It sounds like Mitcham may have deeper psychological challenges that need to be addressed with a therapist. In principle, the open marriage appears to be something they both agree on; the handsome husband not only has an Onlyfans but posts explicit sex pics on TwitterX, and Mitcham now also has an Onlyfans and has come clean about his drug use and involvement in chemsex, but clearly there’s something deeper going on in terms of his relationship to the truth, and he’s anguished about it. This is one case where therapy might be the best option, that is, if he wants to keep this marriage going.
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Covid Hermit
It’s never a good thing when you can’t be honest with those you love. Having said that, I seriously doubt he’s as much of a serial liar as George Santos, who definitely gets the gold medal for lying.
ShaverC
He wasn’t very clear about what he was ashamed of, especially since they have an open relationship. What’s he lying about, he’s still being cagey.
Man About Town
Your point is well taken; it isn’t made clear in the article. It’s probably a safe bet the lies were rooted in his addiction issues; I’m guessing there were times he tried to convince his husband he was clean when he wasn’t. Denial can play a huge part in situations like this.
Joshooeerr
He’s on a reality show. It’s all performative. Note how his confession of “shame” adds up to “I’ve had loads of sex with men in my open relationship; I just haven’t always told the husband”. It’s virtually a brag. If he’d said “I had so much potential, first as an athlete, then as a performer, but now I’ve trashed my life by becoming a scuzzy porn star” I’d have believed him.
FreddieW
I can see why he wants to stay with his husband and why he might be distressed at mistreating him.
bachy
One is a drug addict and they both have an OnlyFans account – but still cling to a vision of long-term devotion and fidelity you find in an Ozzie & Harriet style marriage? The internal psychic dissonance must be migraine-inducing.
Kangol2
It sounds like Mitcham may have deeper psychological challenges that need to be addressed with a therapist. In principle, the open marriage appears to be something they both agree on; the handsome husband not only has an Onlyfans but posts explicit sex pics on TwitterX, and Mitcham now also has an Onlyfans and has come clean about his drug use and involvement in chemsex, but clearly there’s something deeper going on in terms of his relationship to the truth, and he’s anguished about it. This is one case where therapy might be the best option, that is, if he wants to keep this marriage going.
winemaker
If you can’t be honest with those closest to you and those you love, who can you be honest with?