Kevin Maxen made history last summer, when he became the first male NFL coach to publicly come out as gay. The Jacksonville Jaguars associate strength coach made his big announcement right before training camp, and then he went to work.
Now, he’s ready to share more of his story.
This week, Maxen is joining the rest of the NFL world in Las Vegas, for the lead-up to Super Bowl LVIII. On Wednesday, Maxen took part in the league’s Night of Pride event, speaking alongside out former players such as Carl Nassib, R.K. Russell and Jeff Rohrer.
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Spreading a message of inclusion, it was a stage that Maxen couldn’t have imagined himself sharing just a couple of years ago. But then he decided to make his moves.
The standout college linebacker reached out to Seth DeValve, an ex-NFL tight end who’s from Connecticut, his home state. Maxen asked DeValve if he could get him in touch with Nassib, who publicly came out as gay in June 2022.
From there, Maxen started consulting with Nassib and other out LGBTQ+ people around football. Over time, he started to develop his “Bernie Mac mentality.”
“F ’em!”
Finally, Maxen felt like he was ready. He revealed his true self to the world July 20, earning admiration from his teammates and organization.
“The pieces started to seem like they were aligning to the point where I knew it was only a matter of time,” he said.
With public support from Jaguars owner Shad Khan and his co-workers, Maxen started his first NFL season as his true self. Just 31 years old, he’s aiming for many more.
Queerty recently caught up with Maxen to talk about his dating life, Bruce Springsteen and his message to closeted LGBTQ+ athletes who are looking to find their own “Bernie Mac mentality. Here’s what he had to say…
QUEERTY: First of all, congratulations on your Queerties nomination in the Coming Out For Good category! We’re very excited!
KEVIN MAXEN: It was cool! I told my boss about it, and he was happy. We have a really good relationship. It’s really nice to have him around. If things are going on and things are happening, I can tell him. We have a good flow going.
You’ve been publicly out for about eight months now. What are some ways the NFL can become more inclusive?
I think just inclusivity for everybody. A lot of times when people are talking about equality, they have a habit of singling groups out. Inclusivity and equality has to include everybody. I think just unifying that message, “everybody matters,” is important. Everybody should be valued for who they are, and just hammering upon that.
What would you say to closeted LGBTQ+ athletes who are looking up to you right now?
Just be yourself. I always refer back to a Bernie Mac video, which I’m not going to say, because it’s pretty inappropriate, but “f ’em!” Just be authentic. One of the negative things is that a lot of people who are supposed to be on your side are the ones who put so much fear into you. They say, “You have to be worried about people reacting like this.” It shouldn’t be like that.
There needs to be more positive stories and messages of hope and progress, rather than “be fearful” and “everybody hates us.” That’s not true. At least in my experience, you make really good relationships with people. You find yourself in situations where you’re around good people. Then it just kind of works out. I think the coolest thing is seeing the growth of people who you do have a little hesitation to tell. But if you treat them with respect, they’ll treat you with respect. But just going back to advice, “Be you.” Before being Black, before being gay, before being Jewish, before being a strength coach, I’m Kevin Maxen. I don’t want to be anything else than what he is.
How did it feel when you could finally introduce your boyfriend to other coaches and players?
It was a relief, more than anything. You still kind of have that hesitation, looking over your shoulder. But you know, he’s been around a lot of the coaches, a lot of the players. He’s been at events, just in a different capacity. Just to have that transparency, where he could be a part of it, it meant a lot. It was good, because nothing really changed. I was still Kevin, and he was still Nick. It was business as usual.
We had our Christmas party, and I got to introduce him to Coach [Doug] Pederson, [general manager] Trent Baalke, Mr. Khan. Their humility, they’re just great people. It was just a great experience. Those are the types of people I try to model myself after. Just be a good person, and you’re OK.
How long have you guys been together?
We just had our three-year anniversary a few days ago! This is the longest I’ve been with somebody my whole life.
How did you guys meet?
We were in Nashville together. He was at Belmont when I was coaching at [Vanderbilt]. Where did we first meet? Tin Roof. I hate going out, I hate crowds, I hate the bar scene. But I said, “I’ll just do it.” After three years, I’m much more comfortable saying “I’m not going here, I’m not going there.”
But I think we’ve talked just about every day since then. It was an immediate connection. I’m not a big “go meet friends” kind of guy, but I met someone, and I felt like I could immediately be myself. When we met, he wasn’t out to his family. The way he just didn’t care–it was obvious he didn’t care what people thought. It was very motivating.
What do you guys like to do together?
At our house, we have a two-car garage, and we’ve built a cool little bar in there. We have a bar, TV, a dart board. We like to have people over and parties and do that type of thing. We have a dog now, that we’ve had for just about a year. He takes up a lot of our time!
Taylor Swift’s newfound NFL fandom has been a big conversation this season. That begs the question: Are you a Swiftie?
I’m a George Strait fan. I’m a country fan. I’m not familiar with her music. I see people saying “why are they putting her on there?,” or if “you’re against it, you’re against this, this and this.” It really doesn’t matter. As long as Travis Kelce catches the football and blocks who he’s supposed to block, it doesn’t matter to me.
OK, so you’re not a Swiftie. What are you listening to these days?
I’m a huge Bruce Springsteen fan. I have his albums all around the house. I spent a handful of years in Texas, so I enjoy country. Then I’ll dabble in some more old school rock, but I love Bruce Springsteen. Classic, good music.
Have you been to a Springsteen show?
Seven! My first one was The Rising tour, and we went to see him last February in Orlando. My mom and aunt came, and it was Nick’s first time going. It was a really cool experience.
Where are you gonna watch the Super Bowl?
With my friend from high school. Somehow, there’s a handful of people from Southbury, Connecticut who live Jacksonville. She’s having. a little get together, so I think our plan is to go there and hang out and have a good time.
It’s nice, too. Juwan Taylor plays for the Chiefs. He was our right tackle two seasons ago. Then Ben Bartch was with us up until halfway through the season. I was pretty close with both of those guys. It’s going to be hard to root for either team over another, but I’m happy for those guys. It’ll be good to see them!
What’s on tap for 2024?
It will be nice being able to go home and see my family. I don’t think I’ve seen them since the story came out. That will be very cool. But other than that, we’re gonna be getting the guys ready to go. I’m in the Stonewall kickball league. We’re hoping to win the championship. We lost in the semis last year. There were some questionable calls. It’s hard to shut that competitiveness off!
I’m also looking forward to trying to do more writing this year. I’ve been writing poetry and short stories since I was 18. It was always a good way to kind of escape so to speak, and now I have an opportunity to share my experience and story. I’m looking forward to that.
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ShaverC
“Are you a Swiftie?” LOL He must’ve rolled his eyes at that one.
Kangol2
Such a nice interview and overview of Kevin Maxen. Great job, Queerty. It’s also heartening to hear how fully the Jacksonville Jaguars, from the ownership to the coaches and staff to the players have embraced him! They get a special star even if they aren’t in the Super Bowl this year.
SDR94103
a nasty cigar. He’s outta here. Gross.