LIFE'S A DRAG

NOW PLAYING: Which Patriotic RuPaul Drag Racers Will Create Fireworks And Which Will Prove A Dud?

Last week RuPaul tossed her favorite girl a softball by asking the drag racers to do standup, something Shangela had certainly done before. Shangela killed and though her competitors accused her of “stacking the deck” by sabotaging the lineup to put pressure on the weaker performers, you’re either funny or your not. Delta work got her long deserved boot when she found herself lip-synching for her life the 3rd time this season. Manila got to stay and while she’ll likely make the top 3 alongside Raja and Shangela, we’re betting that Yara, Carmen, or Alexis will have to sashay away this episode!

This week, live blogger is NYC’s own DJ Executive Realness (aka Robert Maril) now spinning Sunday Social (2:30-7PM at Easternbloc) and Friday’s East of Eden at Vig27.

10:01 p.m.: Special guests are Cheryl Tiegs and Johnny Weir! Cross-promotion, eh, Logo? Jack Donaghy would call that “Synergy.”

10:03 p.m.: This episode’s She-Mail arrives from RuPaul, and she declares that “America is still the best damn country on Earth,” proving that these cutaways were all filmed during the first season. Today’s mini challenge is to turn a plain brassiere into something “truly glamorific.” She hands the queens Bedazzlers, which makes us extremely jealous: we’ve always wanted one.

10:04 p.m.: Shangela bedazzles the wrong side of her bra. RuPaul sees her final look and is unimpressed by the mess, as are we.

10:06 p.m.: Manila wins the mini-challenge for having the “fastest tits in the west.” (Insert your own Dolly Parton joke here.)

10:07 p.m.: We look worriedly at each other when RuPaul declares that the queens will be recording PSA’s to be sent overseas to actual troops. Tomorrow’s news today: military suicides skyrocket!

10:09 p.m.: The first commercial break features Pandora Boxx’s Absolut commercial, reminding us what it was like when funny drag queens were on television.

10:13 p.m.: Yara Sofia doesn’t want “any brand to cover her identifier” in her PSA for the troops. I couldn’t have said it better myself. Wait, what? The queens stand around the workroom, beading their red, white, and blue panties while talking about patriotism. Carmen finally brings up that it isn’t easy to be patriotic when you’re treated as a second-class citizen.

10:14 p.m.: Manila loves America because there are so many kinds of FOOD here! Yes, we have it all: Applebees, TGIFriday’s, Denny’s…

10:16 p.m.: We’ve just realized that Ru is wearing something from The Porter Wagoner Collection by Tanya Tucker. Alexis Mateo is apparently, after a very busy night in a club bathroom, a military wife. The troops may be a little confused when they get Alexis’ taped apology to an old trick.

10:21 p.m.: Lord of the Dance 3D is a real thing.

10:23 p.m.: Shangela is the first to tape her PSA. She holds a stuffed dog thanking the troops for protecting “we humans, even the furrier kind!” She then grinds while singing off-key. God bless America!

10:24 p.m.: The American Dream for Carmen is to have wigs and jewelry and hot dogs and balloons.

10:25 p.m.: Manila is really sticking to the “I love America because of its food” thing. She somehow ends up in bed with the Statue of Liberty? Yeah, we don’t know.

10:25 p.m.: We are GAGGING over Raja’s Bettie Paige look. Oh look: once again she’s the only one who understood the challenge.

10:27 p.m.: Yara declares, “Even if I was born on the moon, I would still be an American!”

10:32 p.m.: The queens have more Feelings About Emotions, which means that it’s time for us to pour more wine.

10:34 p.m.: If we have one complaint about Ru’s outfits this season, it’d be that she always wears floor-length gowns. Yes, it’s picky, but show us those GAMS, queen. Yay, Johnny Weir! He is “tucked in anticipation.” Unfortunately, not in the swan outfit.

10:37 p.m.: Raja serves up some Half-Breed drag. We guarantee right now that Santino will complain that there’s “too much going on.” He will be wrong.

10:44 p.m.: BAM! Alexis’ PSA makes absolutely zero sense.

10:45 p.m.: Michelle Visage (remember her?) eviscerates Yara’s PSA. Apparently one Puerto Rican queen jumping around and screaming is great, but two is CROSSING THE LINE.

10:47 p.m.: Well, I was wrong. Santino loves Raja’s look. Thank goodness. However, Johnny declares her PSA a “wet, dead fish.” Much like his old roommate Paris. Amirite? Anybody? I’ll be here all week, folks.

10:50 p.m. Does anyone actually stick around and watch Drag Race: Untucked? My GOD, if we wanted to sit around and watch drag queens bitch at each other we’d go to Stonewall.

10:54 p.m.: Carmen Carerra is the first to be in the bottom two. Alexis Mateo, inexplicably to us, wins this challenge. She’s won a 3-piece luggage set from Antler. Raja “pummeled the runway” but stumbled on the PSA challenge. For resting on wacky, Yara is the second to be up for elimination. Our money is that they’ll have to lip-sync to “Party in the USA.”

10:56 p.m.: Just kidding, it’s “Mickey” by Toni Basil–in SPANISH! Oh, SNAP! Um, that’s not actually Toni Basil singing.

10: 58 p.m.: Carmen Carerra is in, which means that Yara Sofia…but WHAT’S THIS? No-one is eliminated, and Carmen is clearly pissed. We think that they should’ve sent someone home: America didn’t get this way without some bloodshed, okaaaaaay?