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Nutjob Gay Matchmaker: Bottoming Will Make You A Total Loser

A lot of shit’s been said about anal sex lately. (Sorry, we just had to.)

Just this week a Salon columnist felt the need to address that old canard that frequent backdoor action leads to incontinence. (Please, If that were true, Depends would come out with skimpy briefs with rainbow stripes on them!)

Now our inbox has been soiled with a press release from Paul Angelo, a gay matchmaker from Miami who claims that “receptive anal sex decreases self-esteem by forcing the person to assume a submissive position during an act of pleasure. This confuses the brain to believe that a feminine-like behavior is appropriate for a man and in turn reduces the man’s assertiveness, confidence and will power.”

Um, has Angelo ever met a bossy bottom? Actually judging from the photo below, he looks like a bossy bottom!

Listen to this South Beach brainiac’s theory:

Angelo explains that because men behave differently than women, the brain is taught to accept as valid all behaviors that are associated with masculinity and strength. The moment that the brain receives messages that are NOT congruent with the definition of masculinity—he person gets confused. Aggressive or “pushy” bottoms are an example of this confusion. Those are gay men who succeeded in business and show masculinity in day-to-day life, but in the bedroom – end up engaging in receptive anal intercourse.

“The worse part about this destruction of self-esteem is that it’s on the subconscious level. A person will not feel anything during the act. And the pleasure derived from the act will override the logic necessary to correct the behavior. In addition, there is a delay between the act of anal intercourse and the reduction of self-esteem of the person” says Angelo.

Angelo says gay men over 40—his main client base, by the way,—should engage in a 60-day moratorium on the butt love. (Is that like the Master Cleanse?)

What about oral sex—will your life fall apart just as quickly if you’re the passive partner in a blowjob? Or maybe you’ll just get passed over for a promotion and never get rid of that spare tire no matter how many squats you do.

For those still confused about Angelo’s theory, he lays it out with a rather colorful example:

“If you were to put all gay men together in a big warehouse and place the ‘bottoms’ on the left and the ‘tops’ on the right, you’d start seeing negative consequences of the anal sex play out in real life for the bottoms such as: disrespect for their general health, failure at work, failure in love and relationships.”

Actually we’ve seen plenty of relationships fail because neither guy was a bottom.