Christmas is just a hop, skip, and a jump away and you still haven’t bought a damn thing. Never fear ‘cause Queerty’s here with a hand quick and easy gift guide for all those people in your life who don’t deserve crap but who you feel obliged to give something to anyway.
The Accepting Mother. She’s gayer than you are. Buy her the P-Flag t-shirt. [PFLAG]
The Sweep It Under The Rug Mother. She’d prefer you not tell the relatives just like Oprah prefers that Nate Berkus not tell her female audience about his “friends.” The Oprah Winfrey Show DVD is what you need. [Amazon]
The You Haven’t Told Your Mother But You Will on Christmas. Only one option here, The Bible. [Amazon]
Your Crazy Ass Right Wing Jesus Freak Aunt. Sorry about this one but we just had to. (NSFW) [Extreme Restraints]
More loot after the jump.
Your Dad. Whether accepting or not, dads only want one thing and that’s to be left alone. The Bose Quiet Comfort Headphones will do the trick. [Bose]
Your Gay Best Friend. There’s only one gift that gays and lesbians the world over universally love: alcohol. Crown Royal comes in that classy bag so you’ll look like you spent a lot. [Beer Liquors]
Your Hag. Your hag is the one who drives you home when you’re plastered. She intervenes when that creepy old guy is hitting on you. And she lets you give her make-overs free of charge. So splurge for the big lug and give her a gift certificate to Sephora. Maybe she’ll doll herself up and then leave you for a straight guy. [Sephora]
And everyone else gets a card because they didn’t give you anything either. Happy Holidays!