When Kobe Bryant and Roger McDowell first uttered their “homo” and “faggot” slurs, we had no idea how popularly the trend would catch on with other sports stars!
First DeSean Jackson called a radio caller a “gay ass faggot”. The during a game last week, White Sox Gordon Beckham wrote “GETZ IS GAY” in the dirt, referring to his former teammate Chris Getz. Then minor league pitcher Ian Krol Tweeted an anti-slur.
Jackson, Beckham, McDowell, and Bryant all share something in common: an immature initial response to being called out on their hurtful language. But Queerty’s here to help fix that so that the next morons to utter an anti-gay slur can get on with the apology, on with the consequences, and on with their lives. And it’s much easier than the public penance we laid out for Tracy Jordan!
But before we get onto our prescription for apology, let’s look at what the fuck was wrong with Jackson and Beckham’s original response to media coverage of their slurs. DeSean initially tweeted with: “WANNA BRING ME DOWN BUT IM OK!!” and “THEY LOOKN 2 TAKE YA DOWN AT ALL TIMES NO MATTER HOW POSITIVE AND WHAT U DO!! ITS ALWAYS A WAY THEY TRY TO GET YA…. IM STANDIN TALL.”
How about we take this to the next level?
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Hmm… who is “THEY”? The haters? The media? The pink mafia? The goblins who live inside Jackson’s shoe closet?
DeSean had done good gay-positive work when he gave an autographed jersey to support Nadin Khoury, a 13-year-old Pennsylvania boy who got attacked on his way home from school by six teens who then threw him in a tree, then hung him upside down from an iron fence, and then uploaded the video of their assault to YouTube.
But sadly, his recent on-air slur will overshadow that good deed, but at least Jackson had the good sense to delete the above tweets and then tweet the following:
“I am sorry for using words that I know to be hurtful and unacceptable in a recent radio interview. I have made a mistake and would like to make it clear that words I used meant no disrespect to the Gay and Lesbian community. Intolerance is unacceptable and I apologize to anyone I have offended.”
Oh dear. Before we get to explaining what sucks about that apology, let us move onto Beckham’s non-apology:
Obviously I apologize and kind of want to move on. Obviously it was meant as a joke but obviously it was in the wrong place and I didn’t mean it that way. I will just try to move on.
The White Sox general manager Ken Williams did a lit better beforehand by saying:
But I’m just disappointed for this to come on the heels of the Kobe Bryant thing, and [Joakim] Noah, and, yes, a number of years ago, the issue with Ozzie [Guillen]. There just needs to be a greater awareness of when you’re in the public eye. Something between two friends meant as a joke? Well, you’re representing not just yourself, but your team, your sport, your family.
The organization didn’t do it. He did it. He should apologize for making us less than what we stand for.
So here’s the issue with their apologies: Jackson says, “the words I used meant no disrespect to the Gay and Lesbian community” when they clearly did. Calling someone you disrespect a “gay ass faggot” is an intentional diss of all the gay ass faggots in our community. Don’t tell us it’s not. It’s insulting and makes you look even more unaware of your own ignorance.
Then Beckham’s apology: “[I] kind of want to move on. Obviously it was meant as a joke… and I didn’t mean it that way.” In other words, get over it, you sensitive homos. OBVIOUSLY it was a joke and if you didn’t get my hilarious joke then it’s your problem because I’m ready to move on.
Here’s the deal, athletes call each other fags and have gotten away with doing it for a long time. Some use it in a misogynist way to imply that a man is somehow effeminate and thus weak. But others use the word the same way CK Louis does to imply that one is needlessly annoying.
Either way, you can expect more athletes to say it and more weak-assed apologizing. So how about we cut through the bullshit and get down to a good-assed apology? Here’s how to do it:
1) Stop acting macho:
Don’t act all badass for shitting on a politically-oppressed minority. You used a slur that’s regularly repeated when beating queers down. Accept that. No amount of joking or intention changes the word’s meaning and you shouldn’t act like anyone who calls you out on it is a super-sensitive jerkwad.
2) Say you’re sorry and explain why:
“I’m truly sincerely sorry for calling so-and-so an anti-gay slur. The caller/my teammate/the referee upset me and in anger/a comedic attempt/stupidity I uttered those hateful, hurtful words.
3) Acknowledge all the people you have hurt:
“I want to apologize to (the person I called a fag). Please accept my apology. My actions have hurt and offended the LGBT community and to them I apologize as well. Lastly, my actions have disappointed my team, our sponsors, and my fans and so to them I apologize as well.”
See? That way you acknowledge the far-reaching effects of such hateful language and try to make amends with everyone that will undoubtedly suffer from your words.
4) Explain what you will do you atone for your dickishness:
“I have decided to spend a few thousand dollars and part of my time to (some local or national gay charity) to better understand my hurtful actions. And I will spend the rest of my career fighting such language around me whether it occurs, on the field, in the locker room, online, or on TV.”
You need to spend at least a little time and money to show that you take seriously the harm perpetuated by your words. The more money you make, the more you must invest. As for time, just call a group and ask how you can be of service. Hell, make it a photo op. That might just win you a few new fans.
5) At least act humble, goddammit:
“I take responsibilities for my actions and hope you will accept my apology.”
See how much better that sounds than “I’m sorry if you were offended by my obvious joke. Can we please just move on?” It transfers the power back to the very people you have wronged. You have laid yourself at their mercy and now they can have the chance to heal by forgiving you. Healing all around!
But Jim Buzinski of OutSports has a different remedy for making sure such slurs stop happening:
I’d like to see a teammate stand up and tell him or the next guy (’cause it will happen again) immediately after he or the next guy says something offensive, that what he said was wrong, offensive, unacceptable et al. Until athletes who make homophobic remarks are shunned by their peers, no athlete will understand the error of his ways, and apologies will remain meaningless.
Amen.
Kev C
CK Louis is an apologist for homophobes and really does misrepresent how that word is used MOST of the time.
Emma(MTF)
Naw, Louie CK understands the context of a joke, and how it should be seen as such in the context of a performance, rather than as a compeletely stone-faced proclamation of homophobic violence. I think he took the opposite stance because no one was providing any opposing logic in support Tracy, and he was a brave man to do so.
Kev C
I don’t care how Louis uses the word. I don’t care if he calls his dog a cat. Faggot is not a happy funny comedy word. Louis CK is a dickbrained, syphilitic douchebag .. or a comedian. Same thing.
sorry fake name
I am a heterosexual and I have something very intelligent to say on the topic. The scientific community can learn something from these remarks believe it or not. Most names for queers are consistent with their evolutionary role in society as peace keepers. In fact at every corner stone of human evolution during the pleiostene epoch one can find sexual dimorphism decreasing as androgeny and homsexuality increases. Insults such as fruit and even the very word gay stem from an acknowledgement of superior amicability of the homosexual. The word fruit case stems from the notion that this monkey was not into killing things or into red meat, instead this monkey replacing the violent hunter/protector archetype facial expression this monkey seemed not angry or violent but happy or GAY. Lack of sexual dimorphism and an increase of homosexuality is a pillar stone of civility which is at every corner of human evolution humanity is increasingly becoming less violent and competitive and more verbal communicative civil and organized. You could almost say that if all men were homosexual that their would be utopia.
sorry fake name
In fact their is so much richness in the way heterosexuals use the word gay. The heterosexual will often call stuff like world peace, school, and almost all positive non-destructive things “GAY”. Keep in mind the heterosexual when using the word gay in this way is reiterating his own inferiority that would have us literally back in the stone age.
sorry fake name
last thing I’m gonna say is that I have totally used that stuff not realizing how intelligent what I was saying was and how much of a compliment it was.
ewe
Hey man, it must be their “GENDER CREATIVE” reasoning right? Maybe they are having trouble raising rainbows too.
Kev C
@sorry fake name: Peacekeepers? There is no end to the war between me and stand up comics.
ian
@fake name, wtf?
“Insults … stem from an acknowledgement of superior amicability of the homosexual” “instead this monkey replacing the violent hunter/protector archetype facial expression this monkey seemed not angry or violent but happy or GAY” “You could almost say that if all men were homosexual that their would be utopia”
These comments aren’t complimentary, they’re bad science and extremely irritating. Perhaps queer theory literature is littered with these terms and you’ve left out the arguments. I wouldn’t know because I don’t read much of it (in part because I fear this is what I’ll find). I find it hard to believe that my sexuality has anything to do with the dietary choices of my monkey ancestors. Perhaps that’s not what you’re claiming (indeed I hope it’s not). I don’t think scientists can learn a thing about evolution from old euphemisms about sexual preference. There are many theories about the survival of a trait that greatly reduces chance of offspring, as far as I know epithets have never been considered as evidence to support one of them (or any other hypothesis in the natural sciences) I don’t know how your theory could apply to gay women or the term “faggot”. Gay people don’t need some special evolutionary purpose, inventing one without evidence makes it seem as if we do. What happens if it becomes clear that no such purpose exists, other than that the gene associated with male homosexuality tends to make women have more children?
Great Idea
Maybe they can just buy credits ahead of time. Like the way the big polluting companies can by each other’s carbon credits. That money could then go to fund… Whatever. Well, elaborate, needless soirees for the glitteratti if you pass it off to the HRC or GLAAD or such. So best not give it to them.
skzip888
Find a new word for “silly.” You people get paid enough to play a fucking game and act poorly in beer commercials, you can afford to listen to your HR guy like the rest of us. We may not be your core demographic, but we don’t appreciate being used as an allegory for inadequacy.
Kraig F
@Kev C: Faggot technically is a pile of sticks. So why get upset at it….
Kev C
@Kraig F: Conditioning ala Pavlov’s Dog. At this sound, you will experience pain.
Tackel
Good job with focusing on “others” besides the Black athletes who also uses the slur.
Now thats what I call being fare.
ewe
Why don’t we just tell these bigots that we do not accept their empty apologies and be done with them? That would be a better response and probably discourage the continued practice of bashing gay people.
Shiloh
Yes, I agree that media personalities must be more sensitive. Although, how can we expect these people to treat us any differently than we treat ourselves especially in articles such as this (i.e.”beat the queer down”) Before we can ask someone else to increase their awareness we must increase our own awareness(clean up our own backyard first). ’nuff said. Shiloh
Shiloh
Okay not ‘nuf said. (Fail) We also cannot hope to accomplish anything by name calling. Dickishness? Seriously? “you’re a dickhead!” “Oh well, sorry you are obviously so much more enlightened than I am, so I will change my ways”. LOLz. Yeah, calling them names will stop them from calling others names. It has worked so well though our history.
Kev C
@Shiloh: Why should we censor ourselves when other’s can’t or won’t? As the bully says: stop hitting yourself.
Adman
It’s interesting to bring up stand up comics as the purveyors of hatred, since their role has really changed in recent years compared to what it used to be. Before you had Lenny Bruce, Carlin, et al. who were considered revolutionary in the sense they pushed the repression of expression back with biting humor and satire. Now you have Louis CK, who is the best you’ll see really. I mean he’s brilliant as a comic, who is kind of riffing on how hard it is on a regular shlub who is just trying to conform and can’t. It’s a reactionary thing to do, and some of LCK’s other humor touches on it.
Straight and macho is a state of mind that has to rely on self pity, and sometimes he’s skewering it, but then he flips the script with homophobia to get asses in seats in Peoria. Who knew all those people watching Archie Bunker back in the day were taking such careful notes? Audiences really do want to hear this kind of shit, or it wouldn’t be sold to them so relentlessly. Long story, but stand up comedy is a toothless form of expression now because of this shift. You really won’t learn anything or see something transcendent anymore, that’s been scrubbed out of the industry as “too PC”. Instead you get your little brother and friends sitting around parasitically just bullshitting.