Phi Phi O’Hara
Phi Phi gets snaps for pulling off a professional looking travel magazine that highlights slutty words like “bathhouse,” “69” and “virginity.”
Perhaps it was low-hanging fruit, but the judges preferred it to Sharon’s equally puntastic cover about loving pussies.
Yes, you’re following correctly. Phi Phi won the main challenge. I’m sure that her home state is going to secede in protest.
While that shock is still registering, Ru releases Dida, Chad, and Latrice.
Oh, Willam. How the cocky have fallen. But the icing on this slice of humble pie? (I know. Sorry. I’m mixing food idioms for no apparent reason.) Regina King describes Willam as robotic for never changing her expression, and then they cut back and forth to a frozen-faced Willam three times.
Thanks mister/miss editor for being especially thorough tonight.
Jiggly, once again, is in the bottom two. The lip-synch song is Pam Tillis’ “My Vida Loca.” If you’re not familiar with the tune—well, you and Miss Caliente would have that in common. Her determination to “not let this skinny Botox bitch send my ass home” results in a performance that’s overly energetic yet uncomfortably static. Her arms sure moved…but not much else.
Oh, and they have to blur Willam again. While she’s prancing about and picking up imaginary coins, she flashes the judges about five and half times. Her forgetting to wear panties isn’t much of a shock; we’ve grown used to this nakedness. Now, it’s just expected. Call me when she wears a turtleneck and slacks.
Anyway, Willam’s lip-synch is solid, even earning a compliment from Sharon. Chanté, you stay. And that means Jiggly sashays away.
So Queerty, what did y’all think? How shady was it that Phi Phi steered Jiggly towards the serious route? Is Oprah jealous that she didn’t think of Chicken of the Month? Do you eat watermelon in public? Also, I call dibs on Are You Smarter Than a Jiggly Caliente?
Sound off below!
Next Week: The episode is titled Frenemies. And Phi Phi gets paired with Sharon. And there’s a lie detector challenge. And Pamela Anderson guest judges. And thank you thank you thank you thank you.
Jason Sweeten is starting a program to teach proper reading in school.