A straight-identifying man from the U.K. says he “appreciates” beautiful women, but he’s finding himself increasingly turned on by male bodies and he doesn’t know why, so he’s seeking advice from Dierdre Sanders.
“Despite really appreciating attractive women–their figures, faces, how they dress–it is the sexual things men do with one another that really turns me on,” the 35-year-old explains.
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He writes that he is especially turned on by gay porn, “no matter how the men themselves look.”
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“I fancy women but I get very aroused when I see or think about what men do sexually,” he continues, “I want to try sex with another man–but it is not the men themselves I want.”
He confesses: “I worry about my true sexuality because it is so confusing.”
Sounds like textbook bi-curiosity to us.
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In her response, Dierdre encourage the man not to think too hard about it.
“Maybe it is just convention making you feel you should fancy women, or maybe you are turned on by what men get up to because it focuses your thinking on what you’d like to be doing,” she writes.
Whatever the case, she says, “don’t worry about definitions.”
“Focus on forming friendships–which can maybe lead to a relationship–without worrying about gender,” she advises. “And remember, people’s personalities probably matter most then.”
What advice would you give this guy? Share your wisdom in the comments section below…
Cam
“A straight-identifying man from the U.K. says he “appreciates” beautiful women”….but is turned on by him.
Well back in the old days there was a name for that………gay.
nirthboy69
Word.
OzJosh
Since Queerty shows zero interest in blocking the annoying “AndreLopez” are we to assume they endorse these lame adverts?
TroyCollins1457
“A straight-identifying man from the U.K. sa….- Real truth But i am here not only to discuss this article but I would like to share with you new but very cool site for gay singles only. It is still private, but you can find it easy. Just google: “TsUSjmKXcRVjCK4ZO6Hvfugu6lu4276872” .
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
Suk a dik, if it gets hard you’re Gay!
Donston
Yeah, it’s not really that basic, particularly in you’re in the middle of experiencing some type of fluidity.
ShiningSex
@DONSTON, OH PLEASE! HE’S EITHER A CLOSETED GAY OR BISEXUAL.
STOP WITH THE MILLENNIAL FAKE LABELS. NOW, WE’RE NOT TALKING ABOUT TRANSGENDER IDENTITY. THIS IS ABOUT SEXUALITY. FLUID IS A COP OUT FOR BEING LABLED “BI”.
THIS IS WHY THE IDIOT RIGHT WING PEOPLE HAVE FUELED THEIR HATE WITH US BRINGING UP SO MANY LABELS THAT IT’S RIDICULOUS. BE WHO YOU ARE: STRAIGHT, BI, OR GAY.
Donston
Please, don’t do me. Focus that all capitals ire in another direction.
Donston
If this a legit story it sounds like he’s experiencing some type of fluidity and is developing a similar orientation as mine’s. Where I am turned on by/attracted to individual aspects of females, but the entirely of guys do more for me, and I am more turned on by and attuned to the sexual behaviors of males. This seems to be the most common version of “bisexuality”, particularly for guys. Certain things about a certain gender turn you on, but you feel more overall and persistent passions and sexual fulfillment/contentment towards another gender. However, appreciating a woman’s fashions and beauty- that’s most gay-identifying men. That doesn’t reflect orientation or even preferences. That doesn’t speak to attractions, passions, sexual preferences, romantic preferences, affections, emotional fulfillment, long-term relationship contentment. I do agree that being in a hetero-normal society that is identity obsessed does not leave much room for questioning, understanding and dissecting all the parts of your orientation.
I would suggest just going with the flow. Don’t get in a serious anything for a while. Just experiment. Be real with yourself and dating prospects about your struggles. And focus on forming friendships and sexual relationships for right now and letting things develop from there.
Hussain-TheCanadian
Well……I appreciate female bodies too, I find their physiological features interesting, but I am not interested in having sex with them, the very sound of the female moan turns me off.
So if the poor chap from the above story would kindly tell us more, like does the body of the female turns him on? If it does, I’m extremely sorry to share this horrible news with you, you’re straight.
Donston
Oh, lordy. This is why people don’t like to share their dimensions or their struggles, or they hide in the closet or hide behind identity.
Yes, certain aspects of the female body can turn me on, and I have gotten some enjoyment out of sexually engaging with females. However, I am also not turned on by female voices and female moaning (though oddly an effeminate male moaning frequently does turn me on). I appreciate a woman’s facial beauty, but it does little for me sexually or romantically. I love man-ass. I prefer persistently sexually pleasing a guy and getting persistent affections and admiration from a guy. And I am married to a dude.
If you’re a regular-smegular homosexual or heterosexual, or haven’t experienced some type of fluidity it’s frankly hard to “get it”. And you’re better off not judging unless someone is being problematic, manipulative, promoting shame, etc.
Rex Huskey
what a crock of sh*t this story is…
ShiningSex
IF TWO MEN F*CKING TURNS YOU ON, YOU’RE NOT STRAIGHT. WHAT’S WRONG WITH ACCEPTING THAT YOU’RE BI?
Donston
Even if you embrace a bi identity there can still be a lot of confusion (or denial) as far as where you are on the romantic, sexual, affection, relationship spectrum and what you want.
UlfRaynor
Donston, that’s total BS, the reason the guy in the story is worried, and the reason most guys who have any sexual attractions to other men, is he’s worried about being perceived as a homosexual, which in the typical, culturally toxic masculine mind would make him weak and a social/gender endemic pariah.
It’s the same reason most bisexual males only do heterosexual relationships and it’s why so many gay men marry women.
Self loathing is the biggest epidemic in the LGBT community.
Donston
That kinda goes without saying. I don’t like focusing entirely on the obvious. Of course, self-loathing instincts, internalized homophobia, hetero-normal pressures, effemiphobia, etc. are persistent and widespread. But the difficulty of someone experiencing fluidity, and someone trying to get a full picture of who they are and what they want are also persistent issues. People’s orientations, their journeys, their sense of self, how they feel about different people, their internal and external struggles are often more complicated and individual and can’t always be whittled down to simply homophobia and self-loathing. That needs to stop being the automatic go-to’s when trying to have discussions about sexuality, identity and orientation. The conversation needs to be broader than social and identity politics.
radiooutmike
I don’t know. He “appreciates” beautiful women?!
He’s not saying how much he loves their breasts, nipples or the curve of their back. Or that he loves banging them? Maybe he is trying to be classy, but no I don;t think so.
Sorry, that sounds typically gay to me.
zisforzoo
Who cares about labels do what you want, be yourself ?????
nm4047
No body knows this guys so why do so many care to write their opinion on something that is clearly a BS agony aunt column (clickbait) rubbish story.
eeebee333
Will someone please pour bleach into my eyes so I can’t be drawn into this twaddle?!
jthomasmpls
“I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted – romantically and/or sexually – to people of more than one gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.”
Robyn Ochs’ DEFINITION OF BISEXUALITY
Donston
Yeah, and other people who are bi or have been inherently bi at some point in their lives go with straight, gay, pan, fluid, omni-sexual, hybrid identities, merely “queer”, or choose not to embrace identity at all. It is what it is. Orientation is simply not comparable to stuff like race. It’s just not. And we will never be able to control people’s sense of self or how they present themselves to the world. That’s why emphasizing honesty, self-comfort, self-understanding, being with who you truly want to be with is so important. Focusing almost entirely on identity is not getting us where we want to be.
inbama
So being in the closet is a respected choice in today’s LGBTQIA movement.
It’s being attracted to your own sex while “identifying” as straight.
What a farce!
justgeo
Forming relationships yes but get honest about what you want to do with your body mouth dick and asshole. Try before you cry chicken shit!
ClarkAlan
“WHAT’S WRONG WITH ACCEPTING THAT YOU’RE BI?” — It’s refreshing to see multiple defenses of the legitimacy of bisexuality on this site.
bill
I want to go to some jerk off parties!! Any in Columbus, OH?
CurtisIsTheOne
Bill, Queerty may be a lot of things, but one thing it’s NOT is Craigslist. Show a little class.