Houston, we have a very big problem.
It seems that a self-identified “straight” guy just can’t stop thinking about having sex with other men while he’s with his girlfriend. Something tells us that he may ready to slide a bit to the right on the Kinsey scale.
As he writes to the Dear Coleen advice column in The Mirror U.K.:
I think I may be bisexual. I’ve been in a great relationship with a girl for two years but I can’t get the thought of sex with men out of my mind.I don’t find men attractive as such, although the thought of being with another guy gets me excited and I sometimes fantasize about it while I’m with my girlfriend.
It is starting to get awkward, as sometimes it’s the only way I can get an erection. I sometimes worry that I will end up finding a random guy to experiment with and lose my girlfriend in the process. What’s your advice?
It’s obvious to us this poor guy’s as gay as Colton Haynes and Zachary Quinto flip-flopping on a rainbow flag on the beach at Fire Island Pines, but let’s see what Miss Coleen has to say about it:
How about we take this to the next level?
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Well, you will lose her in the process. I think the fantasy is in danger of getting out of control, so maybe it is something you need to experiment with to work out what you want. But if that’s what you’re contemplating, you shouldn’t be with your girlfriend right now. Don’t make the mistake of getting married and having kids, thinking you’ll “get over it”.
That won’t happen – I’ve the letters to prove it. I know people who’ve spent a lifetime unhappily married because they’re suppressing the fact they’re gay, which is sad for them and their partners. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with feeling the way you do but don’t lead your girlfriend up the garden path while you’re figuring it out. If you want to experiment, make a clean break.
Coleen’s right. This guy is at the least bisexual, and needs to give up the girl and take some time to explore his sexuality. He may not even end up with a guy, but it’s best to spare this poor girl’s feelings and spare himself the agony of trying to be something he’s obviously not.
And, if the current obsession with “straight” men is anything to go on, he will likely have no trouble locating guys that are ready and willing to help him, um…find himself.
Related: “Straight” Dude Walks In On Gay Roomie And Realizes He, Too, Is Homosexual
Paco
How can you not find men attractive, yet be sexually excited by the thought of sex with them at the same time? I need to find something attractive about them or it isn’t happening. I guess some guys will do anyone or anything. My guess is his future experience won’t be living up to his imagined fantasies about it if there is and has been no attraction except for what his mind has imagined about it. No harm in exploring that while single though.
This is the point he needs to be honest and allow his girlfriend the choice to help him explore or allow her to move on with a man that knows what he really wants.
Xzamilio
@Paco: I wholeheartedly agree.
Chris
Women disclose having rape fantasies all the time; that doesn’t mean they want to be raped. ….. So even though I agree that this guy might be, at the very least, bi, I’d not bet next month’s rent money on it. ….. In the spirit of Dan Savage’s GGG, disclose your secret fantasy to your GF and see how she responds.
Scribe38
Paco: Had a dude tell me he didn’t like guys or wasn’t attracted to them, but the thought of making a gay guy do stuff to him turned him on. For him it was the power to make someone with his strength obey and submit. Folks and sex are just damn weird sometimes.
Brian
This straight-identifying guy is entitled to his fantasies. If they get him off, they get him off. Who are you to judge? So long as he remains faithful to his woman, that’s the main thing.
cabe
why all these ridiculous articles about straight guys who have gay sex. If you have gay sex or fantasize about having gay sex you are gay. Stop referring to these guys as straight. It’s absurd.
Brian
@cabe: Your response is not correct. For starters, if you have same-sex activity it does not make you gay. There is no gay wizard with a gay wand that imposes a gay identity on every man who has a same-sex experience.
Nahald
How did the guy think that guys learn they are gay anyhow? We start fantasizing about men. Even when thinking about ladies the image goes to the guy. That’s kind of a big clue.
Dave Downunder
@Brian: I thought that was what Dumbledore was for.
DCguy
@Brian:
What a shock, the guy who consistently takes the side of anti-gay bigots is defending the closet.
Sluggo2007
@Brian: You really don’t have a clue, do you? He’s screwing a girl yet thinking about guys. HELLO!!!!!! In denial much?
TravisLopez
@Brian: “as sometimes it’s the only way I can get an erection” =not gay enough for you? Knowing yourself and what makes you happy is the uttermost important thing Brian.