Vom Squared

Ted Haggard to Trade His Beard for Gary Busey’s Baby Mama on Wife Swap

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Today in “Gross Things ABC Thinks Fit to Air to the Nation”: meth/gigolo enthusiast Ted Haggard will be exchanging spouses with GHB/cocaine mixer Gary Busey on Wife Swap, the television equivalent of a crackwhore who gives head in Denny’s bathrooms in exchange for fleeting bumps in ratings.

Haggard—lovingly known to the gay community as “Faggard” or that evangelical dude who was cured of his fondness for male meth-stitutes but then relapsed into vicarious bisexuality—will be switching out Gayle, the mother of his five children who somehow never divorced him, for Gary’s girlfriend/baby mama Steffanie Sampson.

Well, theoretically. People says “producers have not confirmed whether [Busey’s] ‘wife’ participating in the show is Steffanie Sampson, his girlfriend and mother of his 19-month old son.” You know you’re low-rent when People has to put sarcastic scare quotes about your partner.

First Haggard cheats on his wife with a drug-fueled man-hooker, then he trades her on national TV for an unmarried mother. Ted’s views on the sanctity of marriage sure have changed since his days of supporting a marriage equality ban in Colorado.

Photo via mugs99’s Flickr