red flag factory

This guy’s laundry list of “dating-nots” is going viral because the internalized homophobia is *real*

A cheerful gay man, with spiky brown hair, stands smiling in front of a black brick wall. He wears an open blazer, revealing his smooth chest, and a pearl necklace. He applies colorful rhinestones around his left eye as he smiles for a selfie, holding his cellphone in a turquoise case out in front of him.

If love is a battlefield, LGBTQ+ dating apps might just be the apocalypse.

So, when Gay Twitter X user @13tslover encountered a man with a laundry-list of “You should *not* go out with me if”s on Hinge, he did what any self-respecting gay would do.

He shared a screenshot on social media to put this potential suitor’s red flags on blast.

The unnamed man’s profile said he is not interesting in dating any LGBTQ+ guy who is “into gay events/spaces (fire island, gay bars, gay orgs),” wears “non-traditional male/gender neutral clothing,” paints their nails, or has “had a history of non-monogamy.”

Oop, watch out queen! Your internalized homophobia is showing.

The tweet, which has received over 275,000 views and 1,300 likes as of this writing, attracted an outpouring of responses from other users who pointed out how a distaste for traditionally gay things is, well, kind of anti-gay.

Furthermore, the critiquing of traditionally safe spaces for the LGBTQ+ community (like Fire Island and gay bars) echoes conservative talking points that politicize drag and trans youth. Not to mention, our right to love whom we love.

Ron “Don’t Say Gay” DeSantis, is this your burner account?

Still, the point that we’re hung up on is “non-traditional male/gender neutral clothing.”

Is that an anti-jockstrap and speedo agenda? What if it used to be a women’s leather jacket, but it was misracked in the men’s section when you thrifted it? And are we policing crop tops now, too?

That being said, there’s no wrong or right way to be queer.

And as X user @acyplakov pointed out, this dating profile wasn’t necessarily bashing these things, but trying to find a mate who shared his interests.

Plus, as @b0sbottom pointed out, there’s certainly tribalism and exclusion within gay events and spaces, especially against those without bodybuilder physiques.

Furthermore, feminine-presenting gays may have it the hardest.

According to a study from The University of Sydney earlier this year, “both gay men and heterosexual men prefer masculine over feminine gay men” for high-status roles.

Not only did the research suggest fem guys may face potential discrimination in the workplace. It also showed an “implicit bias among gay men as a community.” Can we ever win?!

In a community plagued with “pick-me” gays, the Kinsey scale, and politics, we may never see eye-to-eye here.

But at least we can agree on one thing: we’re happy this guy on Hinge used the right form of “you’re.”

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