“All my friends were hooking up with random people at parties, and I just felt so left behind because I didn’t know gay people, I didn’t know where to meet gay people.
I didn’t really want to venture out by myself and so I just did stuff that a 17-year-old boy shouldn’t really have to do.
I managed to get a fake ID and then I got Grindr on my phone and started to try to meet people who were like me, but you sort of are forced a little bit into these hyper-sexualized environments, and even though that’s awesome when you’re 17… I didn’t know what else to do.
My heart must have been going a million miles an hour. I don’t remember specifically but, because I was always so small, I was so scared to meet up with people because I was like, ‘I’m going to get killed, I’m going to get murdered by someone.’
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When I see photos of myself, from when I was that age, and I think of the guys that I was meeting up with and talking to, I think: ‘Wow, I looked really, really young.’
[It makes me feel] Kind of a little bit creeped-out, but at the same time I really don’t have any regrets. Maybe I wasn’t ever truly scared, just really uncomfortable.
There’s actually a song about it on the album called ’17’… Originally the chorus of the song was ‘Here he comes, like he just walked out of a dream, doesn’t care that you’re 17’. And I was like ‘uh, that sounds a bit predatory’, and maybe it was a little bit.
That’s what I mean, it’s like, I’m not looking back at those experiences in a negative or a positive light.”
—Troye Sivan reminiscing about his teenage years to Attitude
tnguy222
It is a rampant problem on Grindr.
If you are unfortunate enough to live in one of the states with an age of consent of 18, you need to be especially vigilant. Many states are 16/17 so spotting a legally under age person is much easier.
These wiley teenage boys can be the death of you.
CastleSF
In his defense, a lot of guys like youthful looking guys that may pass as a teenager. I personally am perplexed about the appeal of really young men. Chances are, they don’t know what they want in life, they are sexually inexperienced and need constant direction and a lot of patience but hey, to each his own.
tnguy222
Definitely never said underage, but definitely like Twinks.
While molding an inexperienced legal Twink is hot, theres nothing sexy about coercion in the molesting type of way.
In practically every western country, a porn search for “teens” is in the top five most popular.
Cylest Brooks
I deleted Vince’s comment. Personal attacks, and especially making false statements about another commenter, are not welcome here.
<3 Friendly Queerty Comment Moderator
buzzy58
It is worse in Canada. The age of consent in most places is 16. HOWEVER that means you can consent to sex with anyone younger than 18, but CANNOT have sex with anyone 18 or over. A guy in one of our provinces was found to be a child molester because he was 18 and having sex with his 17 year old girlfriend.
This is SO stupid but it is true!
Mack
It happens in the US too if the parents don’t like the girl’s boyfriend. Unfortunately the boy ends up with a “sex offender” title when in reality it was a bad break up or an upset parent. Courts needs to be a little more vigilant about situations like that.
Vince
Here in the states that would be covered under the Romeo and Juliet law. As long as the age difference is minor and they’re both under age.
Cylest Brooks
Vince, not every state has a Romeo and Juliet clause.
Aromaeus
If you are purposefully going after guys who look to be under 18 then you are probably a predator anyway. I think it’s telling that Troye says that he looks back on it and sees how problematic it is. I’m sure many share that sentiment after the thrill of the moment passes.
Curtispsf
I met a guy online who told me he was 18. The plan was we were to meet and if we were compatible, he would spend the night. I met him at the door and when I saw him, I asked for ID. Turns out he had just turned 16 a few weeks earlier. I told him that he could spend the night (he had driven from several hours away) but that we would not be doing anything sexual. I even made him sleep on a cot. “What’s the matter, don’t you trust me,? he asked. I replied “NO, I don’t trust myself”. The next day I took him to an organization that specialized in helping gay teens, despite his protests that he didn’t want to “join any organizations”. It turns out they held gay camping trips which he liked. Years later, I received an email from him saying “Thank you for treating me like I was a person and not just an under age trick. I’m out now and in college and it meant a lot that you respected me at a time when I was very vulnerable. Much love, Matt.” Really made my day.
Wayne_in_NYC
@Curtispsf Very well handled. I’ve had 3 different times that I was approached online by guys (13 to 15) who admitted to me that they were underage, but they were so frustrated because no one would talk to them about what they were feeling, and they couldn’t talk to their families. I told them that I would talk to them about it, and discuss their feelings and be their friend, but that we would NOT be exchanging any kind of sexual pictures and that I wouldn’t meet them, even if the opportunity presented itself. (We were several states apart.) And NO SEX TALK. They agreed and we talked and they asked me questions about going to hell and would they never have any friends. 6 to 9 months later, each one of them told me that the first day they had contacted me, they were ready to end it and commit suicide. One had pills and a bottle of alcohol, one had a knife, cutting himself already, and the other had tied a noose and was ready to use it. But they decided to try one more time, and somehow, they found me. They credited me with literally saving their lives. One turned out to be straight and the other two I lost contact with, but am pretty sure they were gay. Sometimes, they just want someone to open up to and talk to.
CastleSF
I don’t believe it is a stranger’s job to talk to these confused but seductive underage boys. Tread the water very carefully because some of them can be more scheming than the gullible adults the are trying to deceive.
Ryan Field
Good for you. That’s the difference between being a responsible adult and a kid. The kid doesn’t know the difference, but you did. Bravo.
surreal33
Here is a thought perhaps grown men should spot a teenager a mile away. Instead of being a stereotypical, over-the-hill, pervert who takes advantage of a naive child? Think about it? Would you want an underage loved one of yours engaging in a sexual relationship with a manipulative adult?
surreal33
Moreover, anyone who has lived thru the angst of growing up gay should NEVER consider making the situation worse by having sex with a child. Adults should mentor gay youth not exploit them sexually!!!
JoeyRamone
I was 16 when I had sex with a 24 year old. I wasn’t a child. Great experience. And who gives a sh*t what a self-righteous puss like you thinks anyway. Keep railing away in your hole.
Bradsflix
This would be my nightmare the part about taking their own life.
Xzamilloh
So when’s the album coming out? Soon, I presume.
WindsorOntario
Most of these underage guys only want to talk to other underage guys or those up to 20-21…I don’t think the majority of us have anything to worry about. Guys who are up to 35 only want to talk to 18-23 year olds in most places. Grindr is horrible for attracting gay people who only want to talk to someone who is (fill in the blank) and often in cities where you’re still just lucky to talk to someone else who is gay, period!
The Clsit ads used to be even worse because you’re in an area where the largest city has 35k people and you got guys who only want someone who is a black top aged 18-23 or something – I’m thinking you’re gonna be looking for that for a long, LONG time!
Raymond Saint-Pierre
Cylest Brooks,
I hope you can delete the spam posts!
Cylest Brooks
Thanks for the tag. I deleted it and blocked the user… I try to stay on top of those, but appreciate when folks alert me to it! <3
hashtag DeleteGrindr
Why bother with this place? There’s half a dozen others where you don’t have to wonder about their impossible list of improbable genderless pronouns, for starters.
Grindr’s core competency was male hookups. Period. They failed to maintain that after Kunlun (the Chinese) bought them in 2016.
Meanwhile, every day it’s another story about an underage kid, or a guy busted for looking, a rape, a robbery, or a killing (sometimes with an eating). And always the meTh, and the generou$ nonsense.
Come on. Just #DeleteGrindr already.
hashtag DeleteGrindr
By the way.
I’m not saying I have a problem with anyone on the LGBTQ spectrum. But rest assured, Grindr only added trans because they HAD to, probably due to flagging subscriptions from gays.
It’s like their HIV field. Anyone remember how they were shamed on billboards a few years ago, then magically it became an option on Grindr, so they could claim to be pro-health? Suuuure.
These are decisions being made not by a gay/lesbian/bi/trans ally, but a foe.
Margarets Thatcher
I had that happen to me. A guy I hooked up with lied about his age. I guess he told his mommie or something because one day the cops came to my door asking what happened. It was scary but I showed them the grindr messages (so embarrassing) where it was clear he lied about his age. They told me not to worry about it since I had proof he lied. Thank God I haven’t heard anything else of it since and that was 3 years ago.
ChrisK
You brought that on yourself though. I’m sure the kid looked his age and you never once thought of asking for proof?
hashtag DeleteGrindr
Margarets Thatcher, you’re going to be safe, because the police and parents made a decision not to go forward. I’d guess you’re close to his age, too.
Otherwise, statutory rape or its equivalent verbiage usually doesn’t care. So you have to be on guard for anyone “18-21” as a practical effect, even if you are.
Considering the kid in this story had fake ID, to pick up on it you’d have to pay for a BeenVerified or Intelius membership and run every single hookup – which isn’t paranoid, it’s a good idea. For any online encounter, sadly.
norman44
oh you poor little precious princess, you have regret about meeting up with guys who you misled. Oh, you should write a blog because your experiences are so unique. No gay guy has even had sex he regretted, absolutely not one – you’re the voice of a new generation.
can you explain something: “That’s what I mean, it’s like, I’m not looking back at those experiences in a negative or a positive light.”
so, if not negative or not positive, what else is there? 1/2 positive? 1/2 negative.
You really are a tiresome young man. Stop thinking your experiences are monumental. If you want to have sex, have it – of your own volition and with those you want. Your claim you pursued because of self-imposed pressure is ridiculous. Suck dick if you want, don’t bring others into it or feel the need to blog abut it afterwards.