It was the day after the election, and there I sat on the bus, lost in thought on my way to work. Outside my window, Trump-Pence signs, ever so mockingly, littered the side of the highway. Each one seemed to blur into the next.
“I wonder how many celebrities will actually move out of the country now?!” I heard a fellow passenger joke.
“Yeah, better to be rid of them!” chimed in the driver.
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For many in my home state of Montana that day, Trump’s win was cause for celebration. People, who only days before seemed agitated by such a never-ending election, were suddenly beaming. “I’m excited for what he is going to do for this country,” I heard one radio broadcaster announce.
Even my family, passionate Trump supporters, couldn’t help but cheer, despite the fact that I am a member of not one but two communities he openly mocked during his presidential campaign—gay and disabled.
“I know you are sad,” my mom texted me that morning. “I am sorry for your loss.”
“Congrats on your win,” I responded.
Even though I knew my mother’s heart was in the right place, it was still hard to take.
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It was real. Donald Trump was going to be our president; and here I was, a gay liberal snowflake with cerebral palsy, stuck in the deeply red state of Montana. Montana, the same state that, as my boyfriend described, has more Jesus and anti-abortion signs than people. The same state that, up until 2013, still had a law deeming gay sex a crime despite the whole Lawrence V. Texas SCOTUS ruling that struck down sodomy laws back in 2003.
It all seemed so hopeless. One month later, it still does at times. The night after the election, I posted a status on Facebook, which looking back, reads like a dramatic inner-monologue straight out of Gossip Girl:
Dramatic or not (xoxo, you know you love me!), the truth is, Montana can be an odd place to be gay, especially post-election.
While it’s previously made strides for the LGBTQ community–we can have sex legally now!–there still remains this ultra-conservative yet sometimes-acceptable mentality. For instance, you can hold hands, as long as you’re careful with where. Parking lots are totally okay, but once you’re inside the grocery store, say, picking out avocados together, that’s another story. Once, when my boyfriend and I got “too close” in a store, a stranger offered us “eternal life” if only we accepted Jesus into our hearts.
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When we go to bars, people will look at us with their heads tilted, trying to figure us out. “Are you brothers?” they’ll ask. When we tell them no: “Oh, just buddies?” Sure, something like that, I’ll think.
Not to mention the hilariously offensive low-key homophobic remarks I often hear, sometimes from my own friends. “I don’t care if someone is gay; like, with you, you’re cool!” they’ll say, as I wait for the bigot-hammer to fall. “It’s when they start acting like they’re girls and/or wear makeup that I’m like, sorry no.” Ding ding ding! Please excuse me while I embrace #THERAGE.
And then there are those people, usually straight and more often than not white, who proclaim, “Who cares what people think? I would just be yourself and tell people you are gay!” But that’s easy to say when you’re not the one who has to deal with the consequences, whatever those may be. And it is that unknown that is perhaps the hardest part–the unknown of how someone may react when you tell them you’re a guy who likes other guys and that you have a–gasp!–boyfriend.
It can be truly isolating, made even more so after this election.
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At times, I feel as if I’ve been forced back in the closet, having to hide like I did when I was an awkward, lonely teenager trying to figure out where I fit in in the world. I think about my mom’s text the day after the election—“Sorry for your loss”—and wonder if she really truly understands everything that I’ve lost, or stand to lose in the future.
I suppose I could always move. But until then, it would be really nice if I could hold my boyfriend’s hand while we pick out avocados at the grocery store. Is that too much to ask? Perhaps that is a question for our next president.
Maude
I prefer to look on the bright side, where Trump is not homophobic and is, after-all a realist.
A person of obvious intellect enough to welcome gays with more than just tolerance, but a true understanding of our plight and a want to move the country’s heart as well as it’s mind in the direction of ‘live and let live’ rather than a ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ society.
Wait and see. It won’t be long before we learn which way the wind is blowing.
(pun intended).
Kieran
Trump openly mocked the gay community? When?
Kieran
Did Trump openly mock the gay community when he unfurled and waved an gay pride flag at one of his rallies?
Kieran
Did he mock the gay community when he promised to protect the gay community from savage terrorist attacks like the attrocity at the Pulse nightclub?
Kieran
Did Trump mock gays when he unapologetically asked for the votes of gay Americans? Did he mock gays when he acknowledged attending the gay wedding of friends?
Herman75
.
ss2509
What a bunch of crap.
Enter the real world.
Dave in Northridge
@Kieran – No, but look at all the anti-gay people, including his vice president, that are in the Trump administration. That’s bait-and-switch, and if that isn’t mocking, I’m not sure what is. All the things you mentioned? Let’s see if he delivers on any of his promises to us.
slinky49
@Kieran: When he chose Mike Pence to be his running mate and again when he put him in charge of his transition team. “Pence also called being gay a choice and said keeping gays from marrying was not discrimination, but an enforcement of “God’s idea.””
Srsealy
What a sad, pathetic article. Trump never mocked gays or the disabled. I’m gay, and most of my gay and lesbian friends voted for Trump.
rod815
How about this one…”I always knew you where, but, that’s okay, I still like you”…..huh? How arrogant and condescending, Do people know how stupid they sound, even, when thier trying to be nice?…”Rudeness seems to be a very American trait”
Southstguy
Any gay person who thinks Trump is going to be a friend to gays is an idiot. Every single of his picks and appointments has an anti-gay voting record.
AxelDC
@Maude: Trump is a liar. Every single member of his cabinet is a notorious homophobe. Once he picked Mike Pence, the most homophobic governor in the US, you should have known that he hates gays.
The only way to know that Trump isn’t lying is to see what he does. He promised to overturn gay marriage, and you can bet that his Supreme Court picks will be the most virulent bigots he can find.
AxelDC
@Southstguy: Watch what he does, not what he says.
AxelDC
@Kieran: When he picked Mike Pence as his VP.
Music908
Gays in this thread that voted for Trump are all drinking the Republican cool-aid.Hope it tastes good to you when your left disappointed by the outcome in a few years. I understand the author completely.I am Gay and disabled in Indiana,and I REALLY know about the Mike Pence bait and switch,especially for Carrier workers that Indiana taxpayers are paying for,like we payed for all the lawsuits over many other things.Pence was a goner ,and then Trump rescued his Republican ass.This country is divided right into two nasty mean girl factions .The Resistance is real ,and it will continue way beyond the inauguration .The gaul to parade in New York is astounding.They should just do it in Mississippi ,where they all would be very welcomed.Even in Montana the mountain folks are much more respectful of the LGBTQIA community than they are in the Bible Belt.It’s dangerous for liberal gays,and disabled people are seen as weak targets.I am being treated like an outcast in parking lots by Trump supporters ,so I understand these jokers that defend him .They are traitors to their own,but as a liberal I will defend their right to abuse me in print,just not without cause.
Captain Obvious
If you’re afraid of being a white gay male under trump imagine how non-white people feel in general…
They’re still shooting black people in the street and getting away with it. They’re still investigating Muslim Americans who’ve done nothing wrong treating them like criminals. And they’re still threatening to deport people who have lived here their entire lives for merely doing what white people did to get here in the first place.
You think you have it bad?
James Hart
I live in Chelsea in NYC; I’m gay, I voted for Trump, and so did many of my gay friends. You seem like a nice kid, but you’re VERY CONFUSED. Trump is NOT your problem. Your thinking is your problem; your mind is your prison, not your location or the people around you. Good luck and be well.
Stevepup
@Kieran: Trump has mocked gays with his choice for VP and almost every single one of his appointees to his cabinet. He has an extremely anti-GLBTQ group of people advising him. Josh, and all of us in the GLBTQ community, have every reason to be apprehensive and fearful. This group of people he is assembling around him will have no problem stomping all over our civil rights, along with the civil rights of so many other minority groups. All of you Trump supporters have had the wool pulled over your head. Trump cares nothing about you. All he cares about is himself and his straight, white, billionaire buddies. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
n900mixalot
@James Hart: Well said. We’ve chosen leadership that had motives against our interests in the past, and we are still here today, now with more rights and freedoms than we’ve ever had because we are still able to fight for what we believe in and to challenge what we believe is wrong.
People have become lazy and don’t remember what it means to work hard for their beliefs. Even when things seemed to be handed to us on a silver platter, there was still a price to pay. Sadly, that price was hidden from us by past leadership, and progress was constantly hindered by the inability to find a common ground.
We need to keep our heads on straight and remember how to be strong in the face of adversity, now whine about what we aren’t getting handed to us.
cabe
@Kieran:
Trump couched that in a way to say “Gays should be glad they live here – they would be killed in the middle east” In other words, gays should stop bitching and just be glad they are alive. (Subtext: they barely deserve that).
It wasn’t a stand alone “protect gay people statement” or “I support the gay community” but rather “Gays should be grateful they don’t live in the middle east – aren’t I and the rest of the Republicans great people for even tolerating the gays?
cabe
@James Hart:
It’s easy for you to say that since you live in a liberal state w/ protections. When Mike Pence’s “Religous Freedom Restoration” act becomes Federal and businesses can legally discriminate against you simply because you are gay, you will think twice about what you said. However, my guess is that these bills will probably gain lots of momementum in red states and will pass but luckily, the blue states will be spared. Botton line: your freedoms as a gay person are there b/c of liberals – not Republicans. Make no mistake about that.
cabe
@Kieran:
Trump recently promised a Catholic group he would sign the First Amendement DEfense Act – a bill that would allow legal discrimination against gay people by business owners and govt employees. Similar to Pence’s bill in Indiana. You and I both know that it wont be just bible thumpers using this act to discriminate but anyone who is a bigot can claim a “religious defense” under this law simply because they hate gay people.
This is so regressive and makes our country into some kind of police state. Is this the Donald who is so pro LGBT? Also, the only time he mentioned the gay community is in connection w/ ISIS. He has never made a positive, stand alone statement about the community
Brian
Here is my advice to any disabled person in Montana: relax, Montana has good people. They will look after you or help you to look after yourself.
Just don’t over-identify as gay. You don’t have to identify as gay when sitting down to a meal. You don’t have to identify as gay when shopping at Sears. You don’t have to identify as gay when visiting the local corner store. Cut the identity politics and you will be fine.
If you obsess over the gay identity you’ve given yourself, you will end up miserable and self-pitying. Get out there, grab life by the horns, be positive…but please, oh, please don’t obsess over the gay identity.
The gay identity is harmful if it’s obsessed over.
White_Bear77
@Maude</@Maude: I agree. However, Pence is not only homophobic, he will be making many of the white house decisions and he, admittedly, hates gay people. Indiana is the KKK state, after all.
batesmotel
I agree. How many celebrities and people who were complaining that if Trump won they would move out of the country. Move out now. You can go. The candidate you hate won. You said he’s not your President. Which he is. If you’re an American citizen then he is your President. I didn’t like Bush, but I supported that he was the President. I didn’t threaten and whine that I’m moving out if he wins. Stand by your word and leave the country now. Otherwise you’re just proving that your words are meaningless.
Arconcyyon
yes our ! the name titule series epísdi cine film kds teen older chelder ! city urbany green green cauntry ! chic .
interlocutor
For those gays that voted for Trump, I only wish I could see you when you suffer the consequenses of your stupidity. I can’t believe that you can be so stupid as to support a group of people that abhor you and want nothing but your destruction. It’s really quite sad.
interlocutor
@James Hart: then I will rejoice in the pain and suffering you will endure as a result of your stupidity.
monroerob69
Stop the whining already. Give the man a chance.
And I love the name calling, can’t have a discussion without that.
You people are pathetic.
girldownunder
@Brian:
“Just don’t over-identify as gay” = travel back in time, stay in the closet, & you’ll be just fine.
Yep, having other people living a lie, under penalty of reprisal, is exactly what the right needs in order to protect their own insecurities/bigotry! Besides, if “teh gays” can be driven underground again, then the rent boys are a LOT easier to hire by all of those upright & (im)moral, far-right bigmouths.
Go Herr Chump
Karlis
I just cannot understand how anyone could have seen Trump’s reaction to the differently abled reporter at one of his events and think that he has never mocked differently abled people. As to the LGBT community, yes, Trump has made some positive noises over the course of time, but that is only because he is incapable of holding a thought for longer than 10 seconds, and what comes out of his mouth is whatever he has heard or seen last. The proof is in his nominations, and it is right, indeed, to start with Mike Pence. Mike Pence is a dyed-in-the-wool homophobe, and that is no good thing.
Liam
@interlocutor:
Alas, thoser of us who didn’t vote for Trump will also have to suffer his backward mark to the 1950’s.
artoir
I’m really beginning to think someone put something worse than the usual in these red states water. Trump has so forgotten you already, you’re not his friend, he doesn’t know you, you don’t exist to him, you’re just a check mark in a box. He’s already backing down on his stuff he has promised you. Wake up and smell the dream world you’re living in.
Brian
@girldownunder: Your proposition is a false choice. It’s not a choice between over-identifying as gay and going back into the closet. In fact, far from it.
What I’m proposing is an end to this continuous cycle of victimhood that male sexuality has fallen into under the “gay” banner. Male sexuality needs to be liberated from the self-pity of victimhood.
benbear1973
H’okay, SO BASICALLY: @Maude, PLEASE sell me some of what you are smoking, because if you think Trump is an non-homophobic LGBTQ accepting “Realist” then you MUST put the pipe down! Liberals are the ONLY people who have EVER said “Live and Let Live” — that is NOT a Republican viewpoint, nor has it EVER been. Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, was COMPLETELY distorted by the conservatives, because basically they were now pissed off that Gays and Lesbians could serve distinguished, decorated careers in the Military. DOMA — ONCE again, the conservatives telling LGBTQ folks “Marriage is ONLY between a man and a woman” –you call that “Live and Let Live?” Herr Dump has baited and switched you — GOOD LUCK!
@Brian, KISS MY QUEER ASS YOU BIGOT! How can you tell Josh to pretend his identity doesn’t matter and that who he is is an identity he “gave himself” and that he shouldn’t “obsess over who he is because it’s harmful??” You are ABSOLUTELY NUTS! You are one narrow-minded fucktard, TRULY.
@Kieran, WAKE THE FUCK UP! He has mocked and slandered differently abled people, the LGBTQ community, women, people of color, you name it, he’s DONE IT!
@Srsealy, OH GOOD FOR YOU! You (and your Dump voting friends) sold out our community and threw us ALL under the bus by voting for that moron! GOOD JOB! When you lose your rights along with ALL the REST OF US, what will you have to say then? Maybe then you MIGHT understand just how STUPID you TRULY are for drinking the Kool-Aid.
@James Hart, you are a STUNNING example of complete and total self-loathing internalized homophobia and bigoted thinking. How can you tell Josh that his “thinking is his problem? Not Trump?” You are EVERYTHING wrong with our community. Period. When you lose ALL your rights, get back to me. n900mixalot, Oh, you’ll WHINE when you aren’t able to enjoy your civil liberties anymore. Your ENTIRE post is pandering twaddle….ugh!
@Everyone Else, KEEP STRONG and ROCK ON knowing that you ACTUALLY voted to protect our rights, and keep this country functioning. Even while members of our own community threw the rest of us under the bus because they believed that some Billionaire Republican Reality TV Star was going to represent their interests. How CLUELESS are people?
I WEEP FOR THE FUTURE!
1EqualityUSA
On a high note, five reporters receive recognition. A refreshing break from the Breitbart sophistry peddled to the masses.
http://wesleyanargus.com/2016/12/05/best-reporters-of-2016/
Mo Bro
Are you people so deeply indoctrinated that you just believe everything you’re told?
When, exactly, did Trump disrespect gays?
I seem to recall he included us in his convention acceptance speech, whereas Hillary conveniently swept us under the rug.
But he’s the bigot?
Aromaeus
@Captain Obvious: While oppression is not a competition, I am a bit tired of white gays acting like the world is ending for them when it’s the same sh!t just a different day for us gay poc.
GayEGO
@Kieran: When he stated that he would overturn Marriage Equality during the GOP Primaries.
GayEGO
@Mo Bro: When Trump said on TV that he would work to overturn Marriage Equality, his first step – he picked Mike Pence, the governor of Indiana who signed an anti-LGBT discrimination bill.
GayEGO
We will just have to wait and see what Trump does as he has flipped his comments to get votes.
MediaGuy
OMG, I’ve written and re-written my post every which way possible and it still won’t post. I’m starting to think that Queerty now bans the use of “the” and “he”. This is perhaps the most censored place on the internet. Anybody hear of “freedom of speech” over there gentlemen? I know that a tight ass is generally thought of as a good think, but you guys are the most tight assed bi*tches on line. haaaahhaaahha. What exactly are you afraid of hearing?
WillParkinson
@Mo Bro: The moment he chose Pence, the man who thinks sexual orientation can be changed, as Vice President. When he said, more than once, he would appoint justices who would be like Scalia.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michelangelo-signorile/donald-trumps-promise-anti-lgbt-supreme-court_b_12551640.html
SeijnSei
@benbear1973:
I love you benbear1973!!!
scott_ernest
Oh please.. I’m LGBTQ+ and disabled.. and living in Montana.. This is a bunch of whingy, dramatic hyperbole and nonsense. Grow up. If you have problems in this state.. it is because of you and your personality…. not because of the people around us. You are the type of person that *I* wouldn’t want to be around.
“And then there are those people, usually straight and more often than not white, who proclaim,”
… with sour graps like that.. do you think people are going to be more or less accepting of you? Do you think people want to be around people that focus on race and sexuality all the time? With how you put that, I can’t imagine that you treat straight, white people with any respect… yet you imagine that your sexuality is the problem.
I should point out.. I’m LGBTQ+.. but I’m not gay… which means that gay men are the ones that usually show me the most intolerance… no matter which state I am in.
WaesHael
LGBTQ+ people have made great strides in Montana.. and it is despite people like this that try to keep the division going.
WaesHael
BTW… if you want avocadoes… go to Natural Grocers… it’s right there next to Target. Nobody will look at you twice. Noot that anyone would look at you twice at Smiths, Albertsons, Safeway, Super One, Walmart, Rosauers…..
BigWill
@James Hart: I am a gay man living in Chelsea, and I’m pretty sure you’re a liar.
BigWill
@Srsealy: You didn’t see Trump at a South Carolina rally mocking Serge Kovaleski, a reporte who suffers from arthrogryposis? It’s a congenital joint disorder that affects his hands and arms. Google it; you can very easily find photos of both Kovaleski, and Trump on stage, mimicking him.
Bob
The only hope I can see in all this is that Trump may have just said what was popular at the moment to get elected.. During the debates he even went back and forth about what he believed and would do. He DID say that Hillary would be basically burned at the stake if he won. Now it’s not worth the time to do that. Hopefully the REAL Trump now that the election is done will be better than the monster that ran. The best sign of things to come may be how he’s treated LGBT people in his company. Does anyone have information about this? Before he was a nightly news hunting for votes from redneck nation… back when he was an almost real person. :>
1EqualityUSA
All Trump cares about are the billions to be made on oil-rich nothing-burger countries, paying no mind to what will happen 25 years down the line. Birds of a feather. Wars never-ending.
James Hart
@BigWill: I’ve lived on West 23rd Street for many years and my friends, who also live in the area, voted for Trump.