THE GAY PLANET

Uranus Took Two Hard Poundings, Got Screwed Sideways

Uranus’ name has always inspired grade-school jokes, but rarely have we seen one so scientific and educational in nature. And it’s proved to us that Uranus is indeed the gay planet.

You see, Uranus has an odd orientation—unlike the rest of the planets, which spin like tops with their poles straight up, Uranus’ poles are knocked to the sides, with its fabulous red ring running from top to bottom instead of from side to side.

DVICE.com explains that the planet was, like many gay men this past weekend, pounded not once but twice in order to achieve its strange tilt:

Uranus isn’t just gassy, it’s also tilted completely sideways, such that instead of rotating like a spinning top, it rolls around the plane of the solar system more like a giant ball. Now astronomers think they know how this happened, and it means that Uranus has been pounded really, really hard not once, but twice…

But with Uranus, one collision big enough to knock the entire planet sideways would also have screwed up Uranus’ system of moons, which isn’t the case.

Replacing that one big impact with two slightly smaller impacts, though, works out perfectly.

With that solved, the question becomes: What two tops penetrated Uranus?

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7 Comments

  • Joseph

    Obviously, Uranus is a bossy bottom.

  • smith, j

    At this point I’d attempt a joke about precession, but for the life of me I can’t find a good innuendo to make of it.

  • DenverBarbie

    Grade school jokes, indeed! I was sitting in an apartment with a group of grown adults last night, reading aloud our horoscopes from a Cosmopolitan. One of the signs made reference to “spontaneous uranus,” to which my friend quipped, “That sounds like Irritable Bowel Syndrome.”
    We laughed like lady-versions of “Bevis and Butthead” for a good ten minutes.

  • Marianne Seggerman

    At the turn of the century Uranians was a term for gay men and women. Had to put that out there. Figures.

  • Kenster999

    @smith, j: Hmm, you’re right. That’s a hard one to fit into Uranus…

  • RedAssault

    Uranus has rings around it.

Comments are closed.