church

Vatican Moves Closer to Granting Sainthood to Maybe-Gay Cardinal

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Cardinal John Henry Newman is on his way to sainthood! The 19th century Roman Catholic was just given “a miracle attributed to him” by Pope Benedict XVI, which is just one step away from full-blown sainthood. The publishing of a miracle is also evidence that Catholics still believe its priests have a direct channel to God! “According to Catholic doctrine,” reports ANSA, “miracles happen when a prospective saint, who is in heaven, intercedes with God and asks for a special favour to be granted. Most miracles in sainthood causes are medically inexplicable cures.” If the pope goes so far to grant Newman sainthood, he’ll become “England’s first saint from the last four centuries.” Now just shut up about those rumors that Newman was all gay with “long-time friend” Ambrose St. John.

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14 Comments

  • naprem

    So… what was the miracle?

  • BobP

    They were about to start the process for Tom Dooley in the 60’s and as soon as they found out he was gay it was over.

  • schlukitz

    @naprem:

    The miracle is that Newman gets to be a saint without being slam-dunked for being gay. LOL

  • Rudy

    From Wikipedia:
    “The proposed movement of Newman’s body angered some gay-rights campaigners, who saw it as an attempt to deliberately separate him from Ambrose St John, with whom he was buried in accordance with his personal wishes.[24] The UK gay-rights activist Peter Tatchell entered the debate in an article in The Times on 19 August 2008, accusing the Vatican of “moral vandalism” [25], and renewed his criticisms on the Sunday programme on BBC Radio 4, 24 August 2008.

    In response the Vatican commissioned Father Ian Ker, a theologian at Oxford University, to refute the allegations in an article for the Vatican’s newspaper, L’Osservatore Romano.[26]”

    Well, it’s his own fault for embracing papal infallability.

  • Marius

    If the Pope were to purge all the gays from the Vatican, he’d have to play chess with himself.

    It’s been that way since that whole celibacy nonsense was forced on the clergy.

    Good luck to Newman. No Perez Hilton back then, so he may stand a good chance of being canonized.

  • galefan2004

    This isn’t really new. The Catholic church already has gay saints. At least, I always heard that it does. I’m not Catholic of course, so I admit to probably being wrong, but I heard about two brothers that were saints that were gay.

  • galefan2004

    @Marius: This is actually kind of funny, because another majorly active anti-gay church is the Jehovah’s Witnesses. Well anyways, their major head quarters (that makes all that shit that those fuckers knock on the door and try to give you) is called Bethel and its in NYC. Anyways, that place has been rumored as the place that gay JWs go to get it on when they aren’t running printing presses. So, a great deal of the people that make that literature like other boys.

  • RainaWeather

    fuck the vatican.

  • Marius

    @RainaWeather:

    That could take awhile.

  • RainaWeather

    @Marius: yuck

  • TANK

    This is disgusting. Miracles…that’s all religion is–the bells and whistles, as we didn’t need jesus to do the right thing. It’s all about shocking and awing people with stupid tales of physically impossible events.

    Only believe a miracle if its denial would require a bigger miracle–or more unlikely explanation.

  • TANK

    his miracle? Being a notorious closeted cardinal considered for sainthood.

  • rick

    totally totally totally absolutely gay. no question about it.

  • rick

    @galefan2004: the vatican needs to adopt the same child sex policy as the witness’s. it didn’t happen unless an elder see’s it happen. if you proceed with the claim they kick you out. all sex crimes must have a witness.

Comments are closed.