Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
“It was the pink lip gloss that first roused my suspicions,” an Indian woman by the name of “Lisa” told the Bangalore Mirror. “He used it every day without fail… His mannerisms and interests were also feminine, and whenever I questioned him, he always gave dodgy responses.”
31-year-old “Lisa” and her 32-year-old husband “John” (not their real names) were wed in November 2013 through an arranged marriage orchestrated by their parents. She was a dentist. He was worked in tech. The couple lived apart for the first six months of their marriage, until John was able to transfer for work and the couple rented a house together in Malleswaram, a suburb outside of Bungalore.
But it didn’t take long for Lisa to notice that something was up in her marriage.
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John, she claims, would not touch her. On top of that, he insisted they sleep in separate rooms. He would also work unusually long hours, leaving the house at 8 a.m. and not returning home until as late as 10 or 11 p.m. Except, she claims, on the nights when she was working late. On those evenings, John would return home early.
So Lisa did some sleuthing. She learned from neighbors that her husband would often bring men home with him whenever she wasn’t there. When she confronted him about it, John said he and the guys were discussing business.
But Lisa wasn’t convinced. She began to suspect her husband might be gay.
Her next approach was to suggest John see a doctor.
“I first spoke to John and advised him to get a medical test done, thinking he did not want to get intimate with me because he was impotent,” she said. “He flatly refused.”
Lisa says this left her with “no option” but to approach John’s parents. According to her, they were unsympathetic towards her about her marriage woes and said that if she wasn’t happy she should file for divorce.
But Lisa, feeling throughly dejected by both her husband and her in-laws, decided to take more drastic measures.
Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code makes gay sex is an offense punishable with life imprisonment. The section was declared unconstitutional by the Delhi high court in July 2009, but was reinstated in December 2013, sparking international outcry.
Lisa decided to use this draconian law to her advantage. She would catch her husband in the act and turn him into authorities, and he would spend the rest of his days rotting in a prison cell.
The jilted wife installed hidden cameras all throughout their house. Then she told John she was going to visit her parents. When she returned home a week later, she reviewed the footage. She said she was “aghast” by what she discovered. As suspected, her husband was having an affair with another man.
Armed with her evidence, she marched into her local police station and filed a complaint.
“I have also accused my in-laws of cheating me since I believe they knew their son was gay, but intentionally led me to believe he wasn’t,” Lisa snarled. “They have cheated me and ruined my life by getting me married to him.”
Deputy Commissioner of Police Sandeep Patil confirmed the incident, saying, “We arrested the [husband] soon after his wife tendered a complaint, with proof. The parents have been booked for cheating the victim, but these allegations have to be fully proved before we can arrest them.”
Dr. Vivek Benegal, Professor of Psychiatry at the National Institute of Mental Health and Neuro Sciences, told the BBC that he’s not surprised by this case.
“There are many people who are still being forced to marry because of social pressure. Society really did not give him a choice,” he said. “The man cannot be blamed. Neither can the woman be blamed. We can only blame the social structure. They have been forced to formalize a lie.”
Dr. Benegal added: “It is so tragic that in an era when science has proved that sexual orientation is not a vice, society should be forcing zebras to be horses.”
Related stories:
India, World’s Largest Democracy, Bans Gay Sex
PHOTOS: Men and Women in India Go “Gay For A Day” to Protest Supreme Court’s Ban on Gay Sex
Police Raid Gay Party In India, Arrest 30 Guests For “Indecent Behavior”
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jayj150
I have zero sympathy for gay men who marry straight women only as a facade. Zero sympathy. They use women because they don’t have the balls to accept the fact they’re gay, or because they’re too coward to live their lives as such. And more often than not, those closeted married men turn out to be raging homophobes. Having said that, the fact a country like India, the so-called ‘biggest democracy in the world’ still criminalizes gay sex is a disgrace.
LadyL
Most Depressing Story Ever.
moonman157
@jayj150: “They use women because they don’t have the balls to accept the fact they’re gay, or because they’re too coward to live their lives as such.” Uhh or because homosexuality is a crime punishable by life imprisonment in India? First of all, it’s incredibly insensitive and mean-spirited to call someone weak for not coming out. It’s a very difficult process of self-acceptance and we should withhold our judgment of those who struggle with us (considering almost all of us struggle with it to some degree). But that’s amplified tremendously when you’re living in a society that is de jure homophobic. I can’t imagine the struggles of homosexuals in situations like that, and refuse to pass judgment. I wish the same could be said for you.
jayj150
@moonman157: Not-coming out is one thing, marrying a straight woman is a different thing. You come out whenever you feel ready, but don’t destroy other people’s lives in the process. There are countless cases of gay men marrying women only to leave them for a man years later, whey they ‘feel ready’. And even more sad and terrifying, most straight women who get infected with HIV, become infected through their closeted, unfaithful husbands. I myself grew up in a part of the country where coming out was not the easiest thing, but didn’t use that as a justification to destroy somebody else’s life. “I wish the same could be said of you”.
Kieran
Those damn CHRISTIANS again. The cause of all homophobia!
Sweet Boy
How do you translate “c*nt” into Hindi?
DarkZephyr
@Kieran: Hindus in India are generally pretty homophobic as well. I doubt these folks were Christians.
Chris
@Sweet Boy:
????
or “yoni”
Thank-you Google translate
petensfo
This headline is totally sexist & unfair… “vindictive wife”?! What bull! He was wrong to marry, his family was wrong to accept a dowry, he was wrong to live apart, wrong to have sex with others, wrong to lie & refuse therapy…
But she’s ‘vindictive’ because as a now divorced woman in India she will face a hostile society & utilized an absurd law to escape a situation in which her husband obviously had no intention of making better?!!
What seriously twisted logic is that? Yes, arranged marriages are flawed. Yes, the law is a very, very bad one… but India is not the USA or Europe & she likely doesn’t have the options you may think. She is hardly the villainous one.
jayj150
@DarkZephyr: I’m pretty sure Kieran was being sarcastic.
musctop
…He lied to her, he cheated on her, and he made her feel as if his disinterest in her was HER fault. Sorry–no pass for him. Homosexuality is against the law in many parts of the world–it isn’t a reason to ruin a woman’s life.
xzall
@musctop: I don’t think it’s unreasonable to lie about being gay if admitting you’re homosexual means you get sentenced to prison. She does sound vindictive and evil as she’s willing to let a man go to prison for life just because he wasn’t interested in having sex with her.
inbama
@musctop:
Life imprisonment for gay sex and this guy’s life wasn’t ruined by Indian law from the start?
Talk about self-loathing….
DarkZephyr
@jayj150: Perhaps, but I dunno, I took the opportunity to iterate the fact that Hinduism isn’t the peaceful, loving religion so many people think it is. Karma this, Karma that, etc.
DarkZephyr
@musctop: musclehater is more like it.
Jack25
@jayj150: Also, did you read the part about how it was an arranged marriages? Indian kids have been trying to get out of those/avoid those for centuries. I’m not sure the guy had a ton of say in whether or not he would marry this girl.
Also, in a country where the law really leaves no leeway: you get caught having gay sex, the punishment is imprisonment for life. There’s really not anything else in the law. It’s harder to just be a “confirmed bachelor” or live your life as an open secret. You basically pretend to be straight or you raise suspicion and nosy neighbors/relatives/people who don’t like you do this same thing and put you in jail. Not really a great situation to be in.
@musctop: Also, I fail to see how not being sexually interested in a woman who you were arranged to marry LESS THAN A YEAR AGO necessarily ruins her life. Drama queen much? Maybe if they had fallen in love as kids and were wed for 20 years, I could see that. They got married in November of 2013! They’re both relatively young. She can find another husband at some point to marry, or at least live her life, practice dentistry, and enjoy herself. This c*nt just made sure that her ex will rot in jail forever because she’s a vindictive piece of sh*t.
Jacob23
Um, he hasn’t been locked up for life. He hasn’t even had a trial yet. And even if he is convicted, he won’t serve a life sentence. Queerty manages to screw up even the copy and paste job it does on other people’s journalism.
jjose712
@jayj150: That’s simply not true. Most straight woman infected by HIV were infected because they had sex with other men, or because their husbands had sex with other woman (in a lot of cases prostitutes).
I’m pretty sure there are wives infected because his husband had sex with other men, but they are very far from being most cases like you said
Daayyummmboi
Did you read the part about Gay Men being jailed for life? Did you also miss the part about “Arranged Marriages?” What about both of these things do you think is voluntary? I think your judgements are misguided. You are attempting to speak on a situation in a culture you obviously know little about and further you tend to skip over the published parts of the storyline that in themselves strike down your argument.
jason smeds
The woman has to take most of the blame. Women tend to be very intolerant of men who display feminine tendencies if those men are destined to become their husbands. Contrast this with how men feel about women who display masculine tendencies – there’s a stark difference in that men tend to tolerate such women being their wives.
The best analogy is this: men accept their wives wearing trousers in public, and have done so for the past 100 or so years since trousers started to be worn by women. In contrast, women still do not accept their husbands wearing dresses in public; most women would flat-out refuse to be seen in public with their husbands by their side wearing a dress.
The double standard is due to women.
tdx3fan
@jayj150: I am wondering what exactly the rest of the world has to do to meet your high, high standards. Worship at your feet? Or, would you still find everyone but yourself a vile human being oh great one?
I feel bad for both people in this case. I think that it sucks that culture required he marry someone in an arranged marriage while being gay. I think his mistake was bringing the guy home. That shows such little respect for his wife.
iggy6666
@jason smeds: and just the other day I saw a woman driving, no man in sight!! What next?!?!? Voters rights!?!?!
tdx3fan
@jayj150: Where is your evidence that self-identified gay men are the reason that women are infected. I just do not buy it. You can have sex with men and still identify as straight. I would wager that that is more likely to be what is going on…. also, it is not impossible to contract HIV from other women or from drugs or from other things.
That being said, you do not need to destroy the life of someone else in the process. You can make sure both you and the female end up having a very comfortable life. Its about being open and honest once you bring yourself to be able to do so and looking out for both of you. I have less respect for a straight guy that tries to screw over a woman in a divorce than I do a gay guy that comes out and wants to make sure both parties are taken care of.
Lets talk about you though… your need to judge everyone other than yourself is pathological… you should get help!
tdx3fan
@Sweet Boy: If I was in her shoes I would probably do similar. I mean, she did not ask for this to happen, and the amount of disrespect he showed her by treating her like she did not belong and by bringing a guy into their own home is a very reasonable provocation for her actions.
tdx3fan
@xzall: She is willing to let him go to prison for the rest of his life because he ruined her life. Period! It is not unreasonable to lie about being gay. It is unreasonable to lie about it, get married to a woman, treat that woman like she is disgusting to you and then fuck some guy in the house that you share with her. That is very, very, very wrong!
apernett
@jayj150: I think you’re overreacting here and putting the blame here in the wrong spot. You didn’t take in account the societal background where this news develop and also the draconian law background. Indian culture is VERY different of western culture with many ingrained (for us) incongruencies. So, instead of blaming the guy for being married to that woman who practically was forced to married by his parent (to avoid societal shaming), blame the societal structure of India. Stop your bashing.
enfilmigult
@jayj150: What about “arranged marriage” was confusing to you?
tdx3fan
@Jack25: She cannot find another husband to marry. She is damaged goods. I am willing to bet that she now will spend the rest of her life single because no one will marry her. She will also be scorned for being single. She will also go without children, grandchildren or any semblance of a normal Indian life. It is a very unfortunate situation for her. It was a very unfortunate situation for him. Lets just hope that India changes their archaic laws, but this is a country where a woman can get burned to death in a bath tub for adultery and the guy gets a light sentence of no sentence. People want to say the United States is bad!
tdx3fan
@Jacob23: While not being able to understand the basic rules of common grammar in the process. I would never grammar police another thread, and lord knows I’m not perfect, but multiple glaring mistakes in an actual article just makes you look incredibly unprofessional.
tdx3fan
@jason smeds: Oh, back for another attack on women I see. Yes, its all the fault of women that men are gay to begin with. Those damn unacceptable women. You hated your mother didn’t you? Or, did you just not see her as a woman?
Seriously, why do we need to assign blame here at all, and if we do assign it how about we go about blaming what is really at fault. A really screwed up political system based on a really screwed up religious doctrine. If some Repugs had their way, that would be the United States.
vive
@tdx3fan: “It is not unreasonable to lie about being gay. It is unreasonable to lie about it, get married to a woman, treat that woman like she is disgusting to you and then fuck some guy in the house that you share with her. That is very, very, very wrong!”
Please get off your high horse. Do you know anything about Indian customs? Arranged marriages are not voluntary in most families, and seeking sex outside the arranged marriage (with sex workers and mistresses) is a common and understandable coping strategy for many Indians to make the best of a bad situation. Probably 99% of straight Indian men do this, yet some idiot commenters here think it is just fine to pile on the gay man who did the same. Let’s remember who is the real victim here, and stop blaming him.
demented
Nobody is the moral victor here. She is a vile person who got him imprisoned. He is a vile person who lied to her, used her, and probably wrecked the rest of her life (since divorced women are often treated horribly in patriarchal societies).
And the whole society needs to change its ways. This is absurd.
vive
@demented, I disagree that his supposed vileness is in any way comparable to hers. They were both forced into an arranged marriage – at this point they were equally victims. He then had consensual sex with others that didn’t hurt anybody, whereas she was vindictively out to hurt him.
Stache99
@jayj150: “an arranged marriage orchestrated by their parents.” My guess is that he didn’t have a choice.
Stache99
@tdx3fan: That might be true of the common people but she’s a dentist who makes allot more then most. She’ll do alright finding a new husband.
blackberry finn
@jayj150: As one living in Asia, I find your cold-hearted attitude to this news story offensive. What convenient amnesia for you, living in the West, to take an imperious stance against the Indian man’s “hypocrisy”, when not that long ago, even in the West, men were pressured to marry or face life-altering consequences such as disowning, impoverishment, or professional disgrace. I’d recommend you try “walking in the other man’s moccasins” for a while before hurling down judgment from where you have self-righteously poked your head above the non-Western world.
Ummmm Yeah
I wouldn’t blame her, except she was stupid enough to get in some third world arranged marriage. Can’t really complain about what you get in cases like that.
Thomas Spencer
What kind of life will he have in prison? That’s the question she should have asked herself before she decided to take her ‘revenge’. I agree with vive: she was out to hurt him as much as possible. I have no sympathy for her.
brightcove
Guys. Calm down.
I am an Indian guy, and have recently come out to many , though not most, of the people who matter in my life. Didn’t lose any friend so far(yayyy). And the day my mother pushes me to marry a girl, I’ll just let it all out and let her know.
Though I am not a Hindu, be it any religion in India, it’s unimaginably very hard to come out to anyone here, even as it’s changing thanks to social media, and rising support, specially from the educated youth. Basically, the more educated and scientific ones embrace you better here if you are an LGBT human.
The woman probably acted out of outrage and anger and may even take the case back, and just go for a divorce freeing them both from the shackles. Trust me, it happens. I feel for both of them. And happy too, knowing it is coming to an end for both of them and their families, though it could have been done in a far better way. She’s highly likely to have a better welcome back and acceptance into the hetero normative largely homophobic Indian society than the guy. Don’t you all know about the value of being “pure” (re:virgin) in Indian marriage market? She’ll have suitors from day one but may not get her dowry back in case her parents gave any, though i assume she doesn’t give a fuck (pun unintended) about it.
I hope the guy gets transferred or something though. The amazing poking-nose-into others’-lives Indian neighbors will make his life a special kind of hell, not to mention the bullying in office and secret invites for rape from closeted married men.
As far as HIV is concerned, I am not into anal at all, and I don’t have any data/research to prove anything, other than the observation that many (no %age known) so called straight men here are in eternal search for an ass-hole, and it doesn’t matter to them if it’s a man’s or a woman’s. And most of them (if not all), go on to marry a girl. I have many cousins who are into extra marital sex and they boast about their sexual conquests in disgusting details and that’s the only basis of my points in this paragraph. So blaming just the LGBT people for spreading AIDS would be horribly wrong, while most in India are too shy to be aware of and using a condom, leave alone openly promote or even buy it, be they LGBT or straight. Oh the irony of being from the second most populated and bulging (pun not applicable, re:overpopulated and growing) nation of the planet.
As for India, we are changing faster than you guys know and very soon homosexuality will be legal in India, though acceptance will take much longer definitely. That’s the hope for now. Even the Hindu nationalist RSS leaders said right after the victory of the party they supported, in May’s elections for the leader of the country, that they may change their stance on homosexuality’s legality because in essence they said that decriminalizing homosexuality is different from not promoting it and they may be fine with decriminalization of homosexuality. (http://www.newsx.com/national/nation/item/22113-homosexual-community-sees-a-silver-lining-as-rss-leader-ram-madhav-changes-his-perception)
So relax, and keep your hopes high. I will hope to see the day soon when the news “India outlaws sex 377” will be featured on Queerty somewhere in the hopefully near future.
jason smeds
Female culture is built on the requirement that a woman’s husband must be completely heterosexual and masculine. While there are individual women who might accept husbands who don’t fit this strict requirement, as a whole female culture is very intolerant of husbands who wear dresses. It’s similar to the intolerance shown by women towards male bisexuality.
Men are FAR MORE tolerant of wives who wear trousers than women are of husbands who wear dresses. You only have to walk down the street to see this double standard in action.
DerekR
@jason smeds: “female culture is very intolerant of husbands who wear dresses” LMFAO Petey I mean Jim I mean Michael I mean Jason what did your mother do to you?