The gay mecca and popular summer getaway Fire Island is known for its fun-in-the-sun debauchery, but over this past 4th of July weekend, the chaos was taken to a whole new level.
There was #ChickenFingerGate—in which one Pines-goer’s tale of a stolen chicken finger inadvertently made them the villain of the island—”Che Diaz” sightings, and even a gay-on-gay brawl outside the Canteen.
There was enough drama crammed into that 32-mile long island to make you think, “Hey, they should make a movie about this!”
Of course… they totally did. And, one year on, the rom-com Fire Island stands as the definitive pop culture ode to the magic and mayhem of the Pines.
Related:
Not just parties: Unraveling Fire Island’s queer history
The thin Atlantic Ocean barrier on the coast of Long Island has sheltered generations of queer culture, split between the neighboring towns of The Pines and Cherry Grove.
But, credit where credit’s due: The 2022 feature wasn’t the first comedy to lovingly skewer the destination and its denizens—that would be “Fire Island Pines On $0 A Day,” a short film from comedian Randy Eisenberg, which premiered 20 years ago this summer.
Back in 2003, Eisenberg wrote, directed, and co-starred in the 10-minute short, which played at a number of queer film festivals. It follows the journey of a young gay man named Jonathan, who arrives to the Pines with little more than a day-bag, a dream, and a To-Do list.
As the title suggests, Jonathan is trying to get the full Fire Island experience for free, and the film finds a lot of humor in the way he effortlessly cons his way into a day of sun, sex, and fun.
For years, a low-quality upload of “Fire Island Pines On $0 A Day” has lived on Eisenberg’s YouTube channel, but last summer, amid all of the Fire Island buzz, he uploaded it in three-minute segments to his TikTok, @wayoldgay. Since it’s the short’s 20th anniversary, we figured there was no better time to re-share it!
Each segment comes with brief into and bit of commentary from Eisenberg himself. In the first section, he credits himself as “the person who invented the Fire Island comedy genre,” and promises to share the rest of the short if people are interested.
Here, we watch our protagonist, Jonathan, arrive to the Pines and immediately overhears two gays talking about a guy named Jim’s botched Botox procedure, meaning there’s an empty bed somewhere on the island. “Find place to stay”? CHECK!
@wayoldgay #fireisland #fireislandpines #cherrygrove #fireislandmovie #iinventedthat #gay #lgbtq #queer #shortfilm ♬ original sound – Randy Eisenberg
In Part 2, Jonathan arrives to the house Jim was meant to stay, easily conning his way into the group of friends—including a character played by Eisenberg, who hilariously talks exclusively in quotes from camp classics—and a free pair of sunglasses. CHECK!
@wayoldgay #fireisland #fireislandmovie #fireislandpines #cherrygrove #shortfilm #queercinema #gay #lgbtq #queer #pride2022 ♬ Nobody’s Supposed to Be Here (Dance Mix) – Deborah Cox
Then, Part 3 finds Jonathan accomplishing his easiest task yet: “Have sex.” CHECK! Check, check, check again. Slightly more difficult is getting groceries from the Pantry so his new housemates/sex partners for free, but our clever hero finds a way.
@wayoldgay #fireisland #fireislandmovie #fireislandpines #cherrygrove #shortfilm #queercinema #gay #lgbtq #pride #pride2022🏳️🌈 #gayhistory #queerhistory #throwback ♬ Body – Club 69 Future Mix – Funky Green Dogs
And, finally, in the thrilling conclusion, Jonathan has to find a way to get home without paying those pesky fares for the ferry and the train—which of course he does in the short’s biggest and darkest joke.
@wayoldgay ♬ This Is My Life – Shirley Bassey
Twenty years on, “Fire Island Pines On $0 A Day” still feels like a fresh and biting riff on gay culture—a satire well worth a watch next time you have 10 minutes and need a laugh. Plus, if you’ve got a trip to the Pines coming up and don’t want to spend a fortune, maybe watch with a pen and paper so you can take some notes!
If you want to see more from Eisenberg, there’s plenty more of his past sketches on the YouTube channel, and he posts his frequent “semi-old and very gay and theoretically funny” musings on TikTok to the tune of 50k+ followers.
Related:
The “molly houses” of the Regency era were basically just sophisticated 19th century gay sex clubs
“Mollies” a.k.a. gay men would meet in taverns, alehouses, or coffee-houses (think less Starbucks, more cafe-and-hostel) for discreet encounters of the racy kind.
XtopFer2
Wow! 20 years ago?! Can you believe it? I didn’t know there were even, like, any gay people 20 years ago. OMG! And on Fire Island! Just like on that show “Fire Island”? Everyone must be old and gross now, though. Sad. Or are the elderly and adorable now? Then aww.
Joshooeerr
LOL. What you have to grasp about Millennials is that the concept of anything that happened before they were born is completely beyond them. It’s a form of total narcissism: “I wasn’t born yet, so how could it have happened?!” They regard events like AIDs crisis as ancient history, as though it couldn’t possibly still have some impact on their lives. And WW2 is an almost mythical event, which they’re mostly fuzzy about (“was that the one with the trenches?” – actual quote).
SFMike
It’s sad this guy now feels he has to apologize that there are no people of color in your videos. Get ready for attacks from the rest of the color insert that’s been grafted onto the pride flag. So much for artistic freedom.
Kangol2
Or rather he’s thinking about the diversity not just of Fire Island then but of the world he’s lived in and addressing it, rather than spewing grievance politics like you are. It’s his right, you know. So much for artistic freedom!