sexuality on display

Why Girl-on-Girl Kissing Is Hot to Heteros (And Guy-on-Guy Isn’t): Explained By Reality Stars

Straight guys (and, apparently, bi ones) love watching two girls make out. But for whatever reason, straight girls generally don’t get off on seeing two men taste each other’s saliva. Curious! So let’s watch as Real World D.C.‘s frisky bi gent Mike Manning and Ashley Lindley explain why, exactly, that is. Hint: Nurture over nature!

(Scroll to the 37:00 mark.)

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  • ChicagoJimmy

    I’ve met plenty of women who told me two guys making out is hot. I’ve seen women renting gay porn because man-on-man is hot. Stop buying into this hetero-normative thinking, Queerty!

  • Joseph

    Yeah, some of the most passionate and devoted viewers of Queer as Folk, Luke & Noah on As the World Turns and Kyle and Oliver on One Life to Live are women.

  • terrwill

    There is a vid on YouTube of two teen guys mackin it and
    its gotten like over 3 million hits………

    The reason straight dudes think girls on girls is so hot
    is that they think the girls are going to get so damm horned
    out that they are gonna ask the guys to join in…. : P

  • terrwill

    PS: I love Andrew, that kid is batshit crazy…..He ain’t
    gettin no lovin’ from the ladies, time to try the laddies….

  • Michelle

    I’m a straight woman and ALL my fantasies and porn are about gay men together. Just the sight of two men kissing is so fucking hot. I don’t question why that is; I just enjoy it!

  • Lady Ga-Gasp

    Mike is the only interesting cast member on the show besides the cute nerdy guy. The rest are like, really, like boring like.

  • Javier

    Straight women love to see dudes make out with each other. That is the impetus behind slash fiction, women watching Queer as Folk and gay porn, and women who love to see Emo dudes kissing.

  • Lynn

    Yaoi is basically male homoerotic anime which is aimed at a female audience. Its quite popular.

  • Michelle

    @ 7 Javier – When I was a teenager (many years ago), I would think about Captain Kirk and Spock falling in love and doing the deed. I had never heard of slash fiction and certainly didn’t know that Kirk/Spock was one the originals.

  • Cam

    Easy, if men are running a TV studio they will put on what they think is hot. Also, even though women might like two guys kissing, they aren’t seen as being as likely to just tune in to a show just because it features that. If women were more likely to do that Playgirl Magazine would have been more popular. The difference between gays and a lot of straight guys is this. A guy eating out a girl might gross me out, but I’m not going to vote that they shouldn’t be allowed to get married just because I think what they do in bed is gross.

  • J.P.

    Um, scuse me. I know many straight girls who love gay porn.

  • Carsen Tyler

    Whoever wrote this has never seen the Slash community, legions of fans enjoy putting M/M pairings together from anything. Like all through my life girls have been slashing charcters and celebrities from everything. Like House MD has House/Wilson. Watchmen has Rorschach/ Nite owl and Ozymandias/Comedian. Doctor Who has The Doctor/ The Master, Captain Jack Harkness/Pretty much everyone, Captain Jack HARKNESS/ Ianto, and a ton of crazy Doctor on Doctor action. Harry Potter has Harry/Draco, Ron/Harry, and Dumbledore/Grindlewald. A ton of girls slash up the members of music bands especially AFI, Franz Ferdinand, and Panic at the Disco. This is just a sampling, but Slash is pretty much huge in a ton of fandoms.

  • Same Crap

    Straight women loving gay porn? Eh, despite the anecdotal claims of your favorite fag hag or what the gay writers of Sex and the City would have you believe, I seriously doubt this is true. Most porn (gay, straight, bi, les) is marketed to and consumed by men.

  • Michelle

    @ 13: Yes most porn is marketed to and consumed by men. As far as I know there is no gay porn marketed to women. But that doesn’t mean we don’t consume it. I don’t consider myself a “fag hag” and I’ve never watched an episode of “Sex and the City”, but I still love to watch man-on-man sex. Recently there have been several gay male pairings on tv and in movies that are watched mainly by women: As the World Turns, Days of Our Lives, Brothers and Sisters, Desperate Housewives, and the upcoming movie Valentine’s Day, just off the top of my head. These are not porn but obviously women enjoy them or the networks/studios wouldn’t do it.

  • scott ny'er

    i never heard of slash fiction until a friend told me about it. And that was about Frodo and Sam. She’s a big LOTR fan and happened about a slash site. So, there’s another pairing.

    honestly, it’s a big world out there and I feel several times the Queerty editors are ignorant of the big world and thus sound like they speak out of their asses.

    i’ve also heard of women like Michelle who dig seeing guys go at it.

  • scott ny'er

    @ No. 8 · Lynn

    Yaoi is basically male homoerotic anime which is aimed at a female audience. Its quite popular.
    and yeah, again, didn’t hear about this until a few years ago. And then completely forgot about it because I really dislike Anime. But yeah, I heard about this and it perplexes me. I can’t understand what young women dig about these comics.

    But each to their own.

  • dontblamemeivotedforhillary

    Reality TV sucks almost as much as the people who drone on about it. Sad people watching sad people. Did I write Sad? I could upgrade it to tragic! BTW – I’m a gay man who doesn’t like gay porn as the penis is either flaccid, the ass is slacker than Amanda Lepore’s lipo-lips or a straight guy who needs a crack fix or embarrassingly choreographed by an overweight drag queen and her crystal-methed cadre of barebacking HIV-positive porn stars!

  • Lukas P.

    The guy who runs the adult book store near my office told me that at least 10% of the gay porn is rented by women. I think his assumption that they’re almost all hetero women is pretty solid, because I don’t think many lesbians would get off on guy/guy action.

    He also said that the “bi” M/F/M porn is rented by about 90% (or more) women and that the men who rent them look “embarrased” when they get them.

    Just one guy in one store, nothing scientific, but interesting.

  • Dasher

    I think this is really a break with the past, at least some teen girls like boy on boy kissing, and some are in love with good-looking boys they know are gay. Some girls even wish they were boys, so they could make it with these gay boys. They see nothing wrong with boys who are gay, and they’re straight girls. And some of these teen girls want to go beyond watching boys kiss other boys, and see them having sex.

  • Dasher

    @4 – Terrwill – Did you see Andrew with eye makeup? He looked like Taylor Swift…

  • Eric

    Who writes gay slash fan-fiction?

    It’s certainly not men.

  • jason

    I think it’s because our society is still dominated by the male heterosexual fantasy. You look at virtually all the adult movies that started being produced at the beginning of the sexual revolution – they often included female-female erotica along with the male-female erotica. Male-male erotica was never included but was marginalized into its own separate category.

    Another thing is that today’s women are bisexualized by their parents. You look at how young girls are given Barbi dolls and encouraged to admire them as “pretty”. The female aesthetic is thus instilled into young girls by their mothers and fathers. Young boys, on the other hand, are discouraged from thinking of men as “handsome”.

    Young boys are also discouraged from affectionate physical contact with other young boys whereas young girls are not discouraged from showing such contact with other young girls.

    What we have in society is a grooming process starting from a very young age: women are bisexualized for the purpose of propping up male heterosexual fantasy and fetishes.

    Let’s not forget the role that women themselves play in all this. Women use their sexuality as a marketing ploy. You see it in the clothing they wear – it’s designed to reveal parts of their anatomy. Men, on the other hand, tend to dress relatively conservatively or, perhaps, more practically. Women’s identity is tied up in acting “sexy” in order to obtain a financial reward or flattery.

  • jason

    Women are taught to be passive rather than aggressive in their sexual pursuits. They are thus less likely to enunciate on their sexual fetishes than men. Therefore, it is usually the male – as in heterosexual male – viewpoint that gets aired the most.

  • Disgusted American

    2 women making out is sooo-over-rated…..seeing 2 sexy masculine men make out is HOTTT!

  • Robert, NYC

    ChicagoJimmy, I’ve had the same experience, a lot of women do enjoy gay porn involving men. More straight women even went to see Brokeback Mountain than straight males.

    However, what does it say about the abhorrence of straight males not wanting to watch gay men, something is really fucked up with that, or better yet, [they] are? I have my own suspicions about that, what do others think on here? Or is it just a front for their insecurity?

  • scott ny'er

    well, do gay men really want to watch lesbians make out and screw?

  • Robert, NYC

    Scott, well, no not really, but I was more interested to hear others’ opinions as to why straight men are repulsed by two males getting it on.

  • jason

    Robert, NYC,

    I think straight male disgust at seeing two men kissing is actually a form of self-disgust. Men in general are trained to find the male body – as well as erotic interactions between men – disgusting. When they are suddenly faced with such interactions, their training kicks in as a defense mechanism, hence the “disgust”. It’s a form of defense against the notion that they may, in fact, find it erotic.

    It’s all part of the plan. Men are trained by society to find males un-erotic. It stems from societal fears of the inherent bisexuality in nearly all men. One of the reasons for this fear is that men are hard-wired to be sexual creatures, and hence might be promiscuous should the stigma against the male-male interaction be lifted. It’s a fear of male-male promiscuity.

  • Wry Bred

    Here to tell ya, many, many, many straight women get off on gay porn and love seeing sweeter, cuddle-and-kiss interaction, too. Makes sense, no? Straight women like men; ergo, would rather see a snake with rigor than a clam in a fright wig. (Ooo, aren’t I Freudian today!)

    It’s my theory that ALL men love dick but most are afraid to admit it (a blunter way of phrasing what Jason @29 said).

  • bisexual girl

    i’m bisexual, and for some reason i find girl-on-girl hot while guy-on-guy not. and it’s not because i’m secretly a lesbian who just hates herself and won’t face the truth. most things in terms of food and sex boil down to how humans and their anscestors had to act in order to survive in the wild. these ideas are still wired into our brain. the idea of the man as the protector of the family exists without society’s help because that’s how it used to be. so we like to see men involved in sexual activites as taking part in a familial event, and two men kissing =/= babies. a primitive idea, but all of our instincts are primitive. and men aren’t as focused on the idea of family as women are, because back when they would have relations with many women, whereas girls would mostly stay with one man. therefore when men see two women making out, it doesn’t violate any of their ideas of family and is in fact just double the sex.

    and i’m not just making this up, there are several studies which support these ideas. give it a google. one i found particularly interesting was that for men, the sex they were physically attracted to was always the same as the sex they prefered, where for women they could be attracted physically but not romantically to a specific gender.

    gonna get a lot of flack for the comment. go ahead.

  • romeo

    No flack, bigirl, but you do realize that what you’re citing is just anecdotal speculation. There’s no science there, just notions. And, as has been noted here, lots of women, including women that come in here asking questions, really looooove watching gay-guy porn. Actually, that kind of creeps me out, but whatever winds their clock. LOL

    As for your porn preferences, do you like watching straight guy/girl porn?

  • tinkerbell

    @ Bisexual Girl. My best friend is a lesbian who loves gay porn. No flack here, just if you use “studies,” I suggest you provide links instead of saying “google it.” I work in the medical field and anytime I say that studies suggest anything, I provide links.

  • bisexual girl

    honestly i’m too lazy to look up where i read it, so i really shouldn’t be posting here without “evidence” of my claims, but i just wanted to put my two cents in. or twenty cents, retrospectively. and anyway, i was just saying that most, not all, of us are wired that way. i’m sure there are tons of girls of various orientations who like guy/guy action, i just believe they’re in the minority. and yep i realize it’s specualation. that most people’s sexual instincts depend upon how the human brain worked many thousands of years ago, however, is fact.

    and as for my porn preferences, yes, i do.

  • jazlynn

    Hmm im a lesbian who gets off on gay porn…I don’t fantasize about joining in, and I don’t like lesbian porn. And I think the reason is that I LOVE women, I don’t like the way they’re depicted in porn. I have a strong dislike for men…I love to see them getting dominated and screwed.

  • jason

    Bisexual girl,

    In fact, there is speculation that women are naturally attracted to the notion of male-male love because, in terms of evolutionary history, it meant that men were at peace with each other and their women could thus afford to ovulate, get pregnant and give birth without the fear of war breaking out between the men.

    In any case, I think we’re too hooked on to this notion of voyeurism. What the heck does the opinion of the voyeur have to do with the validity of the experience? The experience is there to enjoyed by the two people who are participating in the act, not the voyeur. The voyeur is an interloper.

    I think that perhaps American society is so steeped in porn – which is a voyeurism paradigm – that it has come to judge the validity of sexual experiences based on a third party voyeur’s opinion. My view is that the third party has no stake in it. His or her opinion is irrelevant.

    Am I the only one here who believes that this is one of the hugely detrimental effects of porn in America? – ie that now we are judging the sexual experience by the standard of voyeurism rather than by the standard of what is good for those who are actually participating in the experience.

  • romeo

    Actually, bigirl, I think our sexual instincts go back before there were even primates, let alone humans. LOL

    We reacted certain ways in the wild because of hard-wired instincts that are relatively common to all species. But what you’re talking about is more a cultural thing, I think. Generally, straight women like straight guys. You’re not looking at straight guys when you’re watching gay porn, so I think it’s a psychological turn-off. Straight guys watching girls on the other hand has to do with the straight guy’s mind set. In his mind, he’s not watching lesbians. He’s just watching two girls that want to entertain him. In other words, they really prefer him to each other. LOL Male ego. It sucks, but that’s life. LMAO !!

  • bisexual girl

    definitely valid points. and yeah porn really pigeon-holes both genders, but of course it’s only appealing to what society likes, so it’s really just a product of the initial mindset anyway. i don’t really know, studies on sexuality have come up with such different results it’s hard to even compare them.

  • Li

    As a bisexual woman I like guy-on-guy anything. And dyke-oriented girl-on-girl.

    I think my mindset is this. I like guys, I think they’re hot, I don’t really want to sleep with them most of the time, I prefer women most of the time. I don’t seek it out, but seeing two guys make out (or whatever) is great, because it’s two sexy guys, but it also has nothing to do with me. I don’t think, “Hey, I want to get in the middle of that.”

    Guy-on-guy typically isn’t hot to hetero MEN. But from what I can tell of slash fiction and so on, it’s enormously popular among hetero women. It’s actually really annoying – if you click any online bookstore’s “Gay & Lesbian” section, the listings are all clogged up with erotic romance crap written for hetero women, by hetero women. And romance novels (and online slash fiction) are the #1 source of porn for ladies. You would not even believe the number of straight friends I have who’ve admitted to reading porn online based on male characters of their favourite TV show or movie or book at some point.

  • Robert, NYC

    Jason No. 29, interesting comments. Add to that the patriarchal religious cults of the abrahamic variety have always had an aversion to male on male sex as a threat to the survival of the human species (procreation purpose only) to increase their numbers of believers. I think that’s where a large part of this has its genesis and I think in recent times, at the heart of the roman cult’s abhorrence of same-sex marriage, same-sex intimacy. I strongly believe there is a lot of truth in that old addage….”methinks the lady doth protest too much”, in this context the straight males who lash out at same-sex attraction. I think it also has a lot to do with societal stigma, not being manly, being found out, being less of a man which conversely its quite the opposite. In my view it takes a real man to express attraction for another, rather courageous in fact, manly even.

  • Carlton W

    I would agree that heterosexuals are more comfortable with girl on girl action than man on man. I dropped over my sisters house yesterday to wish her a happy birthday. I asked her and her sister-in-law this question to get their opinion. To boil it all down they basically said they were used to seeing girl on girl more than man on man. My sister said she sees it sometimes when she goes out clubbing. Two straight women have too much to drink and start macking on each other. She said she never sees guys doing it. She did bring up a good point though. She said ever since the Britney – Madonna – kiss it is becoming more and more “cool” or exceptable for two straight women to kiss. Plus the fact it’s a fantasy among straight men. I asked them in general what they thought of two men kissing publically. They both said a year or two ago they found it a turn-off. Now with a few very public incidents on tv they found themselves strangly intrigued. They both agreed it’s the amount of exposure it gets. The more you see it on tv the less shocking, then exceptance, then like. But hetero men are shallow about it anyway. The only time they like girl on girl action is if the women involved are young and hot.

  • Maria

    As a bi woman I think two guys together is HOT! :) I know several other bi women who feel that way too. I think secretly many women feel that way, they are just too afraid to express it

  • Lukas P.

    I actually HAD to watch various types of adult on adult porn in school—which is not as interesting as it sounds, plus we had to take notes!

    My own “wiring” is such that I enjoy watching good looking people having good sex, but it’s rare that I find any of it all that emot/physically arousing. That may be because most porn seems just to focus on the few minutes of hardcore “let’s get it done” f#cking, and I can’t put myself into the scene mentally other than as an interloper. I have seen some very good movies where the sex was hot, but really didn’t, um, inspire me.

    The three to 10 minute clips on XTube don’t do much for me either. We’re all wired differently, eh?

    Away from movies, in the real world, I have seen actual people having actual sex and that seems more interesting because the folks are there and you could probably join in or pair up (or triple
    or quad up) if desired/invited, plus you have the sounds, smells, and setting that are conducive. [If or how I joined in is only going to be revealed in my biopic!].

    I was giving my guy a four minute neckrub at a 80% hetero party once–nothing sexual about it–the same neckrub I would give a friend, and afterward three str8 women I barely know cornered me at different times and
    said how ‘hot’ or ‘sexy’ that was, and one woman said she “would SO love” to watch us having sex. I’m pretty difficult to shock, but it was really mind-opening.
    Next time, we’re charging admission to the show!

    P.s. Why does lesbian porn seem so badly filmed and directed? Not an expert on that at all, only saw about 5 or 6, but really, it was bad. That was abt. 7 yrs ago so maybe it’s gotten better??

  • NoTtHeAvErAgE

    i happen to think 2 guys kissing is uuber hot XD and i’m a girl!!

  • romeo

    @NoTtHeAvErAgE: Then you better stay away from gay guy porn! Not a lot of kissing. It’s all fucking and sucking. LOL

  • kyle412

    Jason, you have a great take on it. Well thought out response.

  • Amy

    Straight women (including me and most of my friends) find two men kissing, groping, or frakking to be incredibly hot. Hence the popularity of slash fiction (generally male/male fan fiction written almost solely by heterosexual or bisexual women) that has only increased (especially with the advent of the interwebs) since Kirk/Spock seemingly started it all back in the 60’s to include everything from hobbit-on-hobbit action to Wincest on “Supernatural” to Kradam on American Idol. There’s also yaoi, gay porn (definitely not only enjoyed by gay men), and, as Javier said above, the awesomeness of “Emo dudes kissing”. At least 50% of the audience for “Queer As Folk” was made up of heterosexual women, and the Torchwood fandom is full of Jack/Ianto ladies. Head over to the wonderful to see the results of the ‘Why are Women Interested in Gay Men?’ survey

  • Amy

    To add to what I said above, sadly, I do think that it is far more socially acceptable for men to express an interest in girl-on-girl than for women to do the same for boy-on-boy. It’s more socially acceptable for men to talk about sex, in general, I think, but especially pornography. I also think that women’s interest in gay men tends to more often extend beyond the prurient to include the emotional and social implications. For instance, slash fiction, even if it’s just porn, is usually written about at least one character with whom the reader has an established connection (from a TV show or movie or book). Though sadly there are in fact some homophobic (or at least non-supportive of gay rights) slash fans (something I still cannot get my head around), the majority of slash fans (me included) tend to be at the very least supportive of gay rights, if not vocal about or active in the fight for them.

  • Dr. Weeaboo

    The responses to this have been interesting, but it’s ignoring anything that happens outside of the “western” hemisphere in the present age. In many cultures, it is far more normal and acceptable to see men kissing men (or more likely boys) than it is to see women kissing women. The aversion to male on male action and the form that it takes is specific to this time and this place, although that’s a rather nebulous concept when it comes to the internet.

    Actually, if you look at the responses at this time and in this place, which is this board on the internet, you’ll find that a lot of the female respondents, regardless of sexuality, like male-on-male action. However, that doesn’t mean that most women in American society, who may have grown up in a more conservative environment and were not taught to look at themselves as having command over their own sexuality, feel the same way.

    What I find distressing is that the majority of women I’ve talked to who’ve disliked male on male love have been upset at the lack of a female object. They don’t want to watch only men because part (but by no means all) of the way they valued themselves was as a potential sex object. Part of their pleasure from watching porn came from seeing and identifying with a woman who was being objectified. That wouldn’t have been a big deal except that it seemed to cross over into their personal relationships where they liked men who treated them as if they had no other value or they got extremely upset when guys weren’t paying them sexual attention and were treating them, in a respectful or friendly way, like equals.

  • shell

    wow this is so fail. if you’re going to refer to statistical information at least check your info. tons and tons of girls think guy on guy is mega-hot…hence the popularity of it. and the only reason that it hasn’t exploded more than it already has is because people (mostly men) continue trying to box women into being a certain way (the way THEY want them to be). let women feel how they want to feel.

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