Let’s face it, our lady Cher will do anything for a buck. Over the years she’s hawked perfume, Lori Davis Hair products, Aquasentials skin care products, Equal Zero-Calorie Sweetener, exercise videos and, oh yeah, movies and albums, too. Her latest business endeavor: holiday-themed merchandise, including t-shirts, sweatshirts, ornaments, and coffee mugs, all featuring the dance diva and available for sale on her website.
But before we get into all that, let’s take a quick walk down memory lane and look at some of Cher’s past efforts as a saleswoman…
In the ’80s, she did a series of commercials for a health club in Chicago:
This prompted her to launch a series of exercise videos called CherFitness: Body Confidence:
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
As well as write a book called Cher: Forever Fit that featured 342-pages of low-fat recipes and exercise regimes for people hoping to lose weight:
In 1994, she put $2 million of her own money into releasing a mail-order catalog called Sanctuary which featured affordable gothic-style home furnishings, including shaggy throw pillows, beaded wall sconces, incense holders, and a statues of reclining Egyptian goddesses:
Then there was that Medic Alert bracelet campaign she did:
Now, she’s released an official “Cher Holiday Collection.” Let’s take a look at the latest line of winter-themed products currently available at her online store:
Keep warm in this adorable sweatshirt featuring Cher plopped on top of a candy cane cane for just $55.
$15 will buy you this Christmas ornament depicting the face of Cher. Look closely and you’ll see the weird chain thing covering her face is actually rainbow colored, which means this is could double as a Gay pride ornament, if you want.
This “Merry Christmas Baseball Tee” features Cher in a long red gown and green cardigan with a Santa hat on her head and would make an excellent last minute gift for a co-worker, presumably one who you don’t like. $35.
Need a stocking stuffer? Cher’s got you covered. This attractive Mrs. Claus-themed white coffee mug is just $20.
Mom would look fabulous in this long-sleeve T featuring a picture of Cher posing in front of an enormous red snowflake, don’t you think? $35.
Okay, so this one is actually kinda cool. It’s an ugly holiday sweatshirt with Cher’s name on it that is, like the diva herself, timeless. Seriously, we may have to order one of these. Assuming they don’t sell out before we get a chance to. $55.
Related stories:
Happy Birthday, Cher! 68 And More Bad Ass Than Ever
Cher Under Fire From Conservatives For Calling Sarah Palin A Dumb C*nt
Four Incredible Videos From Cher’s “Dressed To Kill” Tour Opening Night
Graham Gremore is a columnist and contributor for Queerty and Life of the Law. Follow him on Facebook and Twitter.
I'm Black, and HIV-Positive.
Cher? That rasist!?
Trippy
Pass. I’ll stick with my old Cher CD’s and maybe rewatch Witches of Eastwick.
SillyHorse
55$ for the t-shirt with a lollypop? I’d rather take a walk in the Moscow suburbs. And I’ve lost 21lbs with the “loaded gun diet” and she looks ridiculous on the tape.
Desert Boy
Forbes says Cher has a net worth of $300 million. What in the world would prompt her to start selling this dreck?
boring
The Subversive/Irony dollar is a big market, guys.
mcflyer54
@I’m Black, and HIV-Positive.: @I’m Black, and HIV-Positive.: What’s a rasist?
robho3
Thats some ugly ass shit.
Saint Law
@mcflyer54: It’s a try-2-hard white troll’s version of black speech.
See also: “Yo momma’s ass!” and “If you know whats I means”.
Stache99
@mcflyer54: Oh no she didn’t. Rasist my ass…Don’t anyone let that nasty skank ass b-tch play ya. The ho needs to step off. Mmmm.hmmm…
Evji108
Kind of Amazing? Amazingly bad shit, who would wear this trash. Were you paid by Cher’s publicist to post this piece?
I'm Black, and HIV-Positive.
@mcflyer54: Q: What’s a rasist?
A: Try the first two correspondents to answer your question. Saint Law and Stach99! Ha ha ha! Or rather Ho Ho Ho!
But no seriously. It’s funny that you should ask, because it is only fitting that I divulge this information here on a Queerty article about Cher. You see many moons ago Queerty ran an article on Cher. In the article (which is still downloadable on the Queerty site) they said that black back up dancers were alleging that Cher was being ra*ist in her hiring practices where her back up dance crew was concerned. I decided to respond to the post only to find out ironically that Queerty censors the word ra*ism, even when they bring up the topic of race themselves.
Now, you can imagine my reaction to finding this out. As a black man I naturally found this practice pathologically ra*ist. I mean, who brings up race, and then stifles the conversation, so that is can’t be talked about accurately then? Well Queerty does apparently! And I didn’t really know how to bring up the topic for discussion, because there really is so much stifling of tongues going on here on Queerty, and so I came up with what I will call a clever misspelling, so as to pat myself on the back. Sometimes it’s rasist, sometimes it’s razist, but either way both misspellings accurately avoid the censors. As of yet only Saint Law has had a problem with it. But then he’s the reason why I use the Nazi version of the misspelling: razist!
Thank you for asking mcflyer54. It was a brave question to ask, and for the record I don’t really think that Cher is rasist at all. Just making a timely statement. Saint Law is not even gay while he’s trying to quote me to ill-effect the Nazi commie!
I'm Black, and HIV-Positive.
@Evji108: Lol!
NoCagada
@mcflyer54: I’d like to know, myself.
NoCagada
@Saint Law: WHY YOU AX ME DAT?
NoCagada
@I’m Black, and HIV-Positive.: NOBODY AX YOU!
darian
Oh damn the shade…. It’s the only thing that keeps me coming back to this website.
Saint Law
@I’m Black, and HIV-Positive.: DID ANYONE READ DAT SHIT?
I'm Black, and HIV-Positive.
@NoCagada: Ax me what bitch? And just let this be fair warning number one bitch that whatever the fuck your fake, corny, bitch ass is referring to that you could’ve just stayed all the way the fuck out of it!
Oh, but I get it now! I know exactly what it is that you’re referring to. I hate people like you too. And no, actually I change my mind – just for you bitch. Here you go:
CHER IS A RASCIST HO, AND THE DUMB, WHITE, RASCIST BITCH’LL GET WHAT THE FUCK HER DUMB, WHITE, RASCIST BITCH-ASS HAS GOT COMING TO HER!!! HA HA HA! HO HO HOOO!
I'm Black, and HIV-Positive.
@Saint Law: Embarrassed, because you got caught obsessing over me again bitch? Actually no! No one, but you read it you stalking whore! Ha ha ha!