What's the deal with British fags trying to get gay Americans to give up their quest for marriage equality? Mark Simpson, the gay who invented the word "metrosexuality" and the mainstream media's go-to guy for post-gay rhetoric has an op-ed in today's Guardian called "Let's be civil: Gay people shouldn't worry too much about Proposition 8. Marriage isn't all it's cracked up to be."

You know how Americans view the British as being all "Let's not rock the boat too much, old chap! Throw the tea in the harbor? Heavens!"? Well, Mark Simpson isn't doing much to change the perception:

"This one sees gay marriage so much as a touchstone as a fetish. A largely symbolic and emotional issue that in the US threatens to undermine real, non-symbolic same-sex couple protection: civil unions bestow in effect the same legal status as marriage in several US states – including California. As a result of the religious right's mobilisation against gay marriage, civil unions have been rolled back in several US states.

Living as I do in the UK, where civil partnerships have been nationally recognised since 2004, perhaps I shouldn't carp. But part of the reason that civil partnerships were successfully introduced here was because they are not "marriages". At this point I'd like to hide behind the formidable figure of Sir Elton John, who also expressed doubts recently about the fixation of US gay campaigners on "gay marriage", and declared he was happy to be in a civil partnership with the American David Furnish and did not want to get married."

Yes, that's who we should stand behind: That lion of intellectual heft and vigor, Sir Elton John.

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The kids over at Out get in touch with their trans side this month.

Guest editor T Cooper what seems to be a pretty well-rounded, informative and poppy issue. This display - adorned by David Armstrong shot Tilda Swinton cover - ain't a sing-song calls for activism, but a closer look at the trans subculture's ins, outs and in-betweens. (See a larger version of the cover at the end of this post.)

Cooper did well with the magazine's trans-limited, admittedly "clumsy" staffers. For example, they've of ten "essential" trans titles, while Candis Cayne talks about trans life in the spotlight and Cooper himself takes a look at NYC's trans fags, including a boy whose biological origins got him booted from popular hook-up site, Adam4Adam.

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The present doesn't concern Desmond Morris. Not according to Mark Simpson, at least.

The man loving journo who takes issue with the zoologists not-so-modern take on modern man, The Naked Man.

"Morrisland" remains stuck in a 1950s sociosexual wasteland - a land where the gays can't graze, nor can straight men indulge in lady like :

By far the biggest attraction in Morrisland is sexual certainty. Within this fenced-off space the distinction between ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’, ‘homosexual’ and ‘heterosexual’, is unclouded by all those unnatural modern trends. ‘As nature intended’ is a favourite phrase, one which appears above the entrance gates.

In Morrisland, men are men - and there’s a strict golf club dress code. ‘Acceptance of male earrings still tends to be limited to those worn by the younger, more flamboyant males, largely from the world of sport, music and showbusiness,’ you’ll be glad to hear. Male bracelets are simply effeminate. And men only shave their legs - ‘sacrificing their masculinity’ - to swim or cycle faster.

Morris does, however, acknowledge Simpson's semantic lovechild, the metrosexual. There is, however, a caveat: they must be unquestionably straight and, preferably, are "well-known as tough, masculine sportsmen and as famous celebrities".

• Actress Sharon Stone simply can't wait around for the right man:

[Stone] is sick of men who "act like women" and claims she would rather be romanced by a "masculine" lady.

Sharon - who famously played a bisexual serial killer in 'Basic Instinct' - claimed: "Everybody is bisexual to an extent. Now men act like women and it is difficult to have a relationship because I like men in that old-fashioned way. I like masculinity and, in truth, only women do that now.

The 49-year old also says she likes "lesbian sports," like fishing and golf. She's a full blown dyke!

• Lambda Literary announces award nominees.

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• We don't think Chace Crawford and JC Chasez are fucking, but we bet at least one of them comes out next year.

• Mike Huckabee's a manipulative bitch:

Mike Huckabee is holding a press conference right now in which he was supposed to unveil a new negative ad against arch rival Mitt Romney.

But Mr. Huckabee came to the press conference and announced he’d had a change of heart and would not be broadcasting the ad after all.
…
He then broadcast it for a room crammed with reporters, photographers and television cameras.

Way to take the high ground, Huck.

• Today's Choire Sicha's last day at Gawker. Good luck on everything, Mr. S! The Metro Section will miss your peepers.

• Ladies love man-on-man action, says Mark Simpson.

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• Yeah, Christ's birth isn't big on our list of religious celebrations, but we do love Mariah Carey's carnal enthusiasm for the holiday!

• British gays taking advantage of civil partnerships.

• Did Beyonce and Jay-Z get married? Sources say "Yes!" Other sources say "No!"

• Adrian L. Acosta talks - and talks! - about taking his mother to a gay bar.

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Earlier this morning we mentioned that "metrosexual" daddy Mark Simpson has been sending us much appreciated video love.

In addition to reminding us about The English Beat, Simpson included this music-minded version of BBC's Brideshead Revisited adaptation. That's a younger Jeremy Irons and Anthony Andrews. Men that handsome truly are rare.

For those of you not familiar with 80s-era British bands, the tune's "All My Heart" by ABC. And in case you're not familiar with literature, Evelyn Waugh's Brideshead Revisited tells the tale of two boarding school chums - Sebastian and Charles - and their unrealized, virtually unspoken love. The 1945 novel will soon hit the big screen with super cute actors Matthew Goode and Ben Wishaw.

Homo-journo Mark Simpson recently wrote our editor an email in which he mentioned our "faultless" musical taste. Our editor wrote back his thanks, but mentioned it gets a bit tedious finding new and entertaining tune for you lot. Thus began a flood of fantastic music videos from Mr. Simpson, including The English Beat's 1980 single, "Mirror in The Bathroom."

We've also included "Save It For Later," after the jump.

In other Simpson-related news, Russian GQ honored the Brit as one of their "Forty Things That Changed Men's Lives". Simpson proudly notes that he get more page time than Sigmund Freud, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Biotherm Homme. Mazel tov, Marky!

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"Metrosexual" daddy Mark Simpson may not be the most muscular man around, but he's got some strong words on rampant steroid use:

According to a series of recent reports, steroids, or ‘juice’ or ‘gear’ to the initiated, once an exotic drug of cheating athletes and freaky bodybuilders have entered the mainstream and have become just another lifestyle product for young men (some boys as young as 12 are reportedly taking the drug).
…
In other words, young men are taking steroids the way that many gay party boys have taken them for years: to look good on the beach or dance floor or webcam. ‘Muscle Marys’ (as they’re called by envious, less-muscular gays), are apparently no longer a strictly gay phenomenon. Muscle Marys are where masculinity is at, Mary.

We sure hope this trend fades like Hypercolors, because we all know what steroids do to penises. One word: shrinkage.

As part of The New Issue, we've asked a handful of homos to list their last five purchases. We've already seen what artist Tobaron Waxman's been buying, so now we're taking a look at another queer mover and shaker: Mark Simpson's (pictured familiarly).

No doubt journo Simpson has left an indelible mark on popular culture. Who hasn't used the now-tired term "metrosexual," or it's younger, spunkier brother, "sporno"?

Considering his impact, we figured Simpson spent his dough on diamonds, furs and other fabulous rich bitch baubles. We were wrong.

Simpson's purchases are far more practical. And his explanations teach us an important lesson: Simpson's a slut.

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• Greg Scarnici and company are up to their old parodic tricks with this send up of poor Britney Spears' VMA performance.

• Yes, the Melrose gang aged well, but we refuse to believe Laura Leighton got botox.

• Mark Simpson on the sexy Mormon calendar: "If these topless apostles appeared on my doorstep I'd believe in a benevolent deity. Crikey, I'd even give up tea." That's a lot coming from a Brit. Must be love.

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• Mark Simpson thinks The Sun's totally into lifting shirts, sticking dick in bum.

• Sergeant demoted, discharged for inappropriate touching. Inappropriate gay touching.

• New ANTM contestants bore Lauren Williams.

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"Metrosexual" daddy Mark Simpson wrote a 30th deathiversary eulogy for Elvis Presley. Summing up the King's undying legacy, Simpson writes:

Elvis the Lover is also however the archetype of the post-war male ‘Pervert’. Radiantly narcissistic and dramatically unable to negotiate his Oedipus Complex, he is the prime idolatrous icon of a decadent, post-patriarchal age. Again, he may not have invented virile degeneracy (Clift, Brando and Dean, whom he also imitated, have a prior claim) but he patented it.

United States patents expire after twenty years. Elvis "sightings" aside, we're pretty sure the legendary singer hasn't been keeping it up. This means, of course, that anyone can claim the prize of America's top "virile degenerate".

Will it be you?

• It's been such an informative day around these parts. First of all, we solved part of that "Hear Boys Talk" mystery. You may recall we dialed the salacious 646 number and got some nonsensical, non sexual little ditty. One question remained, however: "Why??" Well, a reader wrote in and provided more of an explanation:

For what it's worth, those "hear boys talk" cards are being spread to promote the Pegleg brand. They're a band of bougie downtown boys who sell graphic tees with an "urban" sensibility. They're also vaguely homophobic. You can see at [here] Don't call me out and keep up the good work!

What? Those fuckers used our libido to promote their product? It's like we're reverse whores, or something.

While we're happy to have more answers on this one, we're left with an even bigger puzzle: did Stylelist know the whole time?? If so, we feel one of the following: a. annoyed, b. foolish or c. insanely proud of their clever commercial camaraderie.

• Speaking of multiple choice, yesterday we asked you if Johnny Knoxville's "Happy Birthday, Homo" shirt should offend our politically-minded souls or if we should let him give us a good tickle. Well, the answers are in, readers and we've just let out a big belly laugh. Good thing, too, because it was beginning to hurt.

• Banksy continues to make bank. One of the rascally British guerilla artist's paintings just nabbed £288,000. That's like a million of our worthless American money.

• Larry Birkhead and Baby Dannielynn are finally free to leave the Bahamas! But only if they return for yet another custody hearing in June. This kid's going to be thirty by the time this shit's resolved.

• A gay Karaoke bar is totally hiring. Qualifications: good looking, willing to do anything for money and an uncanny ability to hold your liquor. Fellatio skills not necessary, but preferred.

• Mark Simpson sez, "The Teenager is dead. Long live The Teenager!" This essay will explain all those pressing questions, like why you're such a fucking child.

• Noah, As The World Turn's gay teenager, has some questions about finding a boyfriend. So sweet.

• How many married men stay in the closet? A lot.

In sort of related news, British homo-journo Mark Simpson continues to get press for his metrosexuality replacement: sporno. The word first appeared in last July's edition of Out Magazine. Like a wordage wild fire, it started to spread, passing the lips of gays and straights alike and ultimately landing on The New York Times' Ideas of the Year list. Of course, the word's influence can't be contained to 2006 and has thus spawned an enjoyable Doron Halutz penned piece in Israel's Haaretz.

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