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Desmond Morris Knows How He Likes His Men

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The present doesn’t concern Desmond Morris. Not according to Mark Simpson, at least.

The man loving journo who takes issue with the zoologists not-so-modern take on modern man, The Naked Man.

“Morrisland” remains stuck in a 1950s sociosexual wasteland – a land where the gays can’t graze, nor can straight men indulge in lady like :

By far the biggest attraction in Morrisland is sexual certainty. Within this fenced-off space the distinction between ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’, ‘homosexual’ and ‘heterosexual’, is unclouded by all those unnatural modern trends. ‘As nature intended’ is a favourite phrase, one which appears above the entrance gates.

In Morrisland, men are men – and there’s a strict golf club dress code. ‘Acceptance of male earrings still tends to be limited to those worn by the younger, more flamboyant males, largely from the world of sport, music and showbusiness,’ you’ll be glad to hear. Male bracelets are simply effeminate. And men only shave their legs – ‘sacrificing their masculinity’ – to swim or cycle faster.

Morris does, however, acknowledge Simpson’s semantic lovechild, the metrosexual. There is, however, a caveat: they must be unquestionably straight and, preferably, are “well-known as tough, masculine sportsmen and as famous celebrities”.