What issue on fear would be complete without a piece on frightful fashions? Answer: none. To this end, we enlisted the help of our friends over at Gayz of Our Lives to make a top-ten of their sartorial no-no’s.
If you’re guilty of one or more of the offenses listed after the jump, expect to be scoffed at, scorned, and/or spurned at the boys’ next party. Which party? How about their Halloween event at APT on October 31st here in NYC?
Show up wearing crocs and you’re dead.
See what the GOOL-ies have to say for themselves, after the jump.
1. The Fedora: Once every contestant, male and female, on American Idol started wearing them, we knew there was a problem.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
2. EdHardy Hats: (pictured) Girl, we won’t eat food that is sold at a fair, so why would you dress like you bought your clothes there!?!?
3: Please, let’s not forget TTSS: Too-Tight Spandex Shirts, courtesy of Bang Bang, you ghetto, tasteless, gay whores.
4. Banana Republic Dress Shirts: How are those “going out” shirts? You might as well put on some Dockers, a frown and a nametag, girl, cause ya look like a prom chaperone.
5. Sports Sandals: (pictured) You can do sneaks or you can do sandals. But don’t do both. Last time we checked mama had the foresight to know whether she was going for a hike or to the showers at Crunch. Listen to us, Boy Scouts, you really don’t need to be ready for anything. (Queerty note: Wearing with socks is extra offensive.)
6. Colored Contacts: because it’s not PC to call anything colored these days.
7. Cowboy Boots: Unless you are literally a cowboy and you have a big bulge, you shouldn’t be caught dead in ‘em.
8. Skechers Footwear: If you’re wearing them then you ARE sketchy. You’re not saving the planet by wearing hybrid, you’re just polluting it with your bad taste. We say drive a hybrid, don’t wear them.
9. Abercrombie: We get it: you wanna look straight. But, don’t you get that you look even more GAY?
10. Crocs: (pictured) Let’s hope a real one bites them off your stank ass feet if you wear ‘em.
christian_value
These issues can only be met with a point by point response:
1. Justin Timberlake did this trend like 2 years ago, and he’s still doing it, just like he’s still stealing music from black people, which is something Elvis did like a MILLION years ago, so basically if you wear fedoras, you’re practically a slave owner.
2. Buy and Ed Hardy t-shirt if you need him in your life that badly. Plus the tiger thing: oh so played out. Yohji Yamamoto did it for A/W 06-07, and now Gaultier is doing it for S/S 07. Get with it.
3. Unless you’re from Long Island, Queens or a little place we call PierQueensland…
4. Who buys dress shirts at Banana Republic to wear out to a club? (see #3)
5. Granola is good in a bowl with milk. Only. Well…maybe as a dry snack sometimes…
6. I just love it when people look like vampires. Those yellow contacts go perfectly with your grey skin!
7. Word.
8. Okay I admit it. I had some Sketchers when I was in high school. I thought they were cool. Now I won’t even wear them to the gym. Marinate on that.
9. I just can’t even…no…
10. To my roomate Jacob, if you’re reading this: I still love you…but it’s really hard…it’s soooo hard…
And in closing, why do I have nothing better to do than respond in such detail to these fashion pointers? Well, bitch, why do you have nothing better to do than read my response? Uh huh.
Lorenzo
I’ll eat food sold at a fair
dustin
awww… i’m sad.
‘cuz i’m an abercrombie model :[[
spiffy
So boring and obvious.
Christopher Trottier
These guys are way more freaky. And this is all for prom.
Danny BN
Sorry, but I wear Skechers. Not the fugly bowling shoe things, but the plain dress shoes and the sneakers. I’m on my feet all day long and they are the most comfortable shoes I’ve found. There are some things more important than looking good (occasionally).