Queerty is better as a member

Log in | Register
  FRIDAY FILMS

WATCH: Getting Too Close To The Straight Boy In “Curious Thing”

We’ve all been there: We meet a guy and there’s a physical attraction, but also a deeper mental connection. Only thing is, he’s straight (supposedly) and the relationship becomes exquisite torture for the both of you.

Based on a true account and featuring audio accounts of such pairings, Alan Hain and Jason Mill’s 2009 short “Curious Thing” delves into the complicated tension that sometimes exists between gay men and their straight friends—on both sides. “Where it can get confusing for a straight man and a gay man is when they connect on every other level,” Mills told The New York Times, “and then the gay man starts to question, ‘Well if there was just that one other thing, this could be perfect.’ ”

It ain’t always just the gay man thinking that—and it probably happens to women just as often (if not more). Share your tale of amour fou in the comments, mes amis.

By:           Dan Avery
On:           Mar 16, 2012
Tagged: , , , ,

  • 57 Comments
    • jason
      jason

      Oh, I think tension with straight-identifying guys can be such an aphrodisiac. You just tell him that you’ve got breasts and to use his imagination. The next minute he’s ravishing your apple breast to the point of biting off your fucking nipples.

      Mar 16, 2012 at 8:05 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • adam
      adam

      this is a well-produced short with pretty boys and intelligent handling of a sensitive topic. i think queerty’s right in saying “we’ve all been there,” but i also think part of fully growing up is getting over it. first: come out and deal with being gay. second: fall in love with someone. third: make sure that person has also fully dealt with being gay. getting any of those three steps out of order is a recipe for disaster. live and learn.

      Mar 16, 2012 at 8:25 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Owen
      Owen

      Two huge unrequited straight boy crushes (or was it love? I think it might have been love…) before I came out. I’ve loved and been loved since, but nothing with the quiet intensity of my two firsts. I can sometimes feel that sense of falling for a straight guy and him liking me a lot (sometimes not at all someone I consider my type, especially if I was truly actively going after straight men) and its still confusing. But I’m smart enough now not to let it go too far…

      Mar 16, 2012 at 9:50 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DonsterNYC
      DonsterNYC

      In college I fell in love with a straight guy who lived in the same dormitory. It started out with friendship and by the time we were seniors we were practically inseparable. I did understand that I wanted the whole package and would never have it. It nearly drove me out of my mind–literally! Thankfully, we graduated and I moved a thousand miles away. He wrote me asking me why I completely broke off the friendship. I never even answered his letter. It was a matter of survival for me. That was a hard lesson to learn, but I have never allowed myself to get that close to another straight man since.

      Mar 16, 2012 at 10:08 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • MEJ
      MEJ

      I think so many gay men fall for straight men because straight men aren’t jaded, and bitchy like too many gay men can be. Also, since straight guys can hang around other men without it only being about sex, that can be attractive too–another man wanting to know the whole you, not just the sexual part of you.

      Mar 16, 2012 at 10:23 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • tenshinigami
      tenshinigami

      Awww, this actually made me a little misty eyed. I think it’s absolutely true that there’s always “the one that got away” straight or gay, that just forever remains in your mind. That you maybe haven’t seen in years and years, but will still sometimes fleetingly remember, smile, frown, and move on. Well done film.

      Mar 16, 2012 at 10:34 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Christopher Banks
      Christopher Banks

      This doesn’t just happen between gay men and straight men. And having experienced both, I think it’s even harder if the man you love is gay.

      Mar 16, 2012 at 11:01 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Caleb
      Caleb

      My best friend is a straight guy. We were at this point in our relationship where the tension was palpable. He said I’d be perfect if I were a woman. I said he’d be perfect he liked the dick. We got drunk one night and made out a little. We both agreed that it was like kissing your brother/sister, the tension melted away, and the mutual love and respect remained.

      Mar 16, 2012 at 11:28 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • bandanajack
      bandanajack

      been there, done that, never got over it.

      Mar 16, 2012 at 11:32 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • echoes
      echoes

      I’m amazed that so many people still assume that everyone is either all gay or all straight. The excitement of being human is that so few people actually are at the opposite poles of sexuality. My best friend of 22 years does not identify as gay and I don’t identify as straight but we met somewhere in the middle and it’s the most rewarding relationship of my life. We talk, on average, twice a day. We get together for dinner and movies once or twice a week. Sex is a topic – there is some sexual tension, and we agree that we could – but he wouldn’t have the passion that he has when he is with a woman and I know that to be the honest truth. (He’s divorced, with two great kids who call me uncle, and I’ve been in a gay relationship for 25 years – my partner and my bff get along well, too.) And for those who’ve commented that we as gay men should get over the straight guys and move on —- you have no idea what you are missing if you cut yourself off emotionally from a great guy just because he doesn’t identify as gay.

      Mar 16, 2012 at 12:25 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Kyle
      Kyle

      These guys are gay or bisexual. Not straight. There is a negative stigma attached to “gay/bisexual” among males in the US, and they use “straight” to appear “normal” or “accepted”. Why do you report on such bullshit, Queerty? Enough already.

      Mar 16, 2012 at 1:07 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Kyle
      Kyle

      “I said he’d be perfect he liked the dick.”

      Classy.

      Mar 16, 2012 at 1:09 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Kyle
      Kyle

      “I think so many gay men fall for straight men because straight men aren’t jaded…”

      Complete, self-loathing generalized bullshit.

      Mar 16, 2012 at 1:10 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • MEJ
      MEJ

      @Kyle:

      You obviously don’t get out much.

      Mar 16, 2012 at 1:22 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • echoes
      echoes

      @Kyle: I think this you’ve just proved Caleb’s point. Having a bad day, Kyle?

      Mar 16, 2012 at 1:25 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Blahqula
      Blahqula

      I got to this point with my now hubs and we were able to become physically intimate deliberately while building on all the other things we have in common. This is/was possible because he isn’t American, I’m convinced.
      We have to own our physical hangups in our culture, and acting like friends and community ties should always be self serving is the heart of our lonely “American” guy culture IMO. In hubs eastern Euro culture, you don’t dictate what your ties mean to everyone else, you do what you have to do first for the group. This is what makes men men, not just browsing shoppers with noses pressed up against the store window of life.
      The ideas of self in the USA are really tied to puritianism to the point where even the most “liberated” hook up artists defend emotional isolation in the most comical ways. Comic if it wasn’t so tragic, that is. Hubs was never emotionally abandoned by his folks even a little, despite the drama of coming out to them, but then he was never forced to give up on them either. They wouldn’t dream of doing that to him despite the “shame” of having a gay relative. Here, even the best relationships are ignored emotionally by everyone else, it would be “creepy to get involved” after all.
      Despite the fact that gay life can be brutal over there in many ways, here we tend to flush the baby out with the bathwater. It’s similar to racism, if you leave the US, it smacks you in the face how we’re invested in it so totally, this notion of “you’re on your own, it’s only right”. It’s impossible and clearly nonsense, we’re humans, and therefore social creatures.

      Mar 16, 2012 at 2:35 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Tom
      Tom

      to be honest i totally agree with all of you in a certain kind of way. i am pretty sure that almost every gay guy had to deal with this. the most annoying thing is that you can’t really help falling in love with straight guys. it just happens whether you can tell if he’s gay in the first place or not.
      got through a lot of shit and broken friendships that resulted from it. but it’s always different… some claim they were bisexual and nothing more happens than kissing them… others only do behave that they were gay although it is said that they aren’t and after coming out of the closet in front of them they suddenly never wanna see you again… this is was happened to my first true love… i always thought he was the right one. even friends wanted to get us together… then i had admitted him that i am gay and i’ve never seen him again since then.
      that’s pretty tough i tell ya…

      Mar 16, 2012 at 3:29 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Callum
      Callum

      In the past I had a relationship with two straight guys. One was when I was in my early 20′s and he was a year or two older. He had a girlfriend and kids and also me. we would go camping together (he and I) and fishing and also simply having sex in my room. He got drafted and went into the Vietnam conflict. Another one was when I was 40 and I came across a straight boy of just 20. He worked at a construction site with me. We lived together and slept together but every once in a while he would pick an argument and go off and find a chick and bring her home to the spare room. There were often chicks hanging about our door looking for him. After about 5 years it got to be rather tiring putting up with his girl friends and we split. Recently I have developed an interest in a local cowboy. He is 44 and I am 65. His new wife (when we first met he was divorced and living alone) has become a problem and tries to find ways to keep him from visiting me. He says he is attracted to me and does not understand why. In public the way he gives me so much attention one would think we were lovers, he is always overly protective of me. However behind closed doors we have yet to have sex.

      Mar 16, 2012 at 3:30 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Oh, Dear Troll
      Oh, Dear Troll

      “In the past I had a relationship with two straight guys.”

      Oh, dear.

      Mar 16, 2012 at 3:58 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Kyle
      Kyle

      @MEJ: Looksl ike the straight guys have gay sex is out in full-force.

      Mar 16, 2012 at 3:59 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Kyle
      Kyle

      @echoes: Yes, I represent all gay men.

      Mar 16, 2012 at 4:01 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Kyle
      Kyle

      @Callum: How about seeking out and proud gay men to develop relationships with? You’re 65 years old for christ sakes.

      Mar 16, 2012 at 4:06 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • JanC
      JanC

      18 years old, 16 years old 1963. He likes being in my bed, even wants to make out with his bird with me in there with them. Same birthday. Says he loves me. We get to near fucking, he brings me off, I am in heaven, we stop, I’m scared, and next morning, he’s scared …. and it’s ME that fucks up. Can’t say the name of it. I run. We don’t meet for years, when we do, he’s misty-eyed. Hey Lord, next time around, I want to marry him, OK? If one of us is a bird, I want the kids. Or we can adopt if we’re gay, or surrogate. PLEASE don’t make this the ONLY time, I’ve got some territory to re-visit. And so has Mack. And everyone said we made a lovely couple, even if no one said that in those days in those ways.

      Mar 16, 2012 at 4:51 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Scott
      Scott

      My guy was bisexual. When I met him he was married to a woman with a 9-year old child but she had a girlfriend and he had a boyfriend on the other coast. We kept having romantic times together. We would say goodnight and go home then talk to each other on the phone for hours. We would spend time together with his kid. He had me say goodnight to his kid on the phone. When he got too close to me emotionally he would fly to his long distance relationship to renew it. His trips were killing him financially. At one point he said he broke up with his long distance guy and two weeks later it was back on. I eventually told him that I couldn’t handle the emotional roller coaster anymore and stopped seeing him. He eventually found another boyfriend and moved in with him. I had the most intense feelings for him, the kind I hadn’t experienced since high school and I was in my 30′s then.

      Mar 16, 2012 at 5:19 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Aaron
      Aaron

      I tend to fall for people smarter than me, whether they be men or women. Unfortunately, I have never met a gay (or bisexual, for that matter) man who was the kind of ‘smart’ I like. Oh sure, they’re are plenty of smart non-het guys, but there aren’t any I know that I can talk about, say, the Black Hole Information Paradox with. I tend to find many more straight men who are incredibly intelligent with knowledge of a wide variety of sciences and liberal arts than I do non-heterosexual men.

      To a lesser extent, I have a tough time finding gay guys who are in to ‘nerdy’ things like me; things like Doctor Who, Neon Genesis Evangelion, etc. It’s almost exclusively straight guys (and thankfully, occasionally bi) guys who I can relate to on those levels. This is really why I rarely go for gay men, at least outside the internet where it’s easier to find that niche.

      I suppose that’s somewhat off topic though…. to answer the question, that’s why I tend to fall for straight guys, and why I can relate to the idea of the short. My best friend, who’s straight, is the most amazingly smart person I’ve ever met, with extensive knowledge in almost every area. I do crush on him, but I’ve been careful not to let it go too far, because I was in this situation a couple years ago (but transplant it to the internet), and fell in love with somebody I can (probably) never have, but who was witty, smart, and had an extensive knowledge of film (my choice of career). Though since I never told him anything, we’re still friends.

      As for the short… I stopped it the minute I hear ‘bi now, gay later’. Fuck.

      Mar 16, 2012 at 6:18 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • James
      James

      @Kyle: Why would a gay man who lists after a straight man seek out an out and proud gay man? You would have to peel years and years of self-hate, intimacy issues, emotional problems, and god knows what else in order for this man to even consider associating with a gay guy first. The 65 year old is a great example of what happens to these men. They are that old, still single, and STILL lusting after straight men. That generation is dying off. Thank fully.

      Mar 16, 2012 at 6:46 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Callum
      Callum

      @James & Kyle:

      About Dying off: Most of my generation died off because of AIDS. I have lost over 30 gay male friends, guys I met in my 20′s and early 30′s and somewhat expected to know and be around in my elder years. I have no idea why I did not catch AIDS when my original group of friends were dying around me. Well before any tests or accurate diagnosis. I was very promiscuous between relationships. Maybe I simply lucked out by being the butch guy on top. I have never hidden that I was gay, yet most of my life my friends, straight and gay, who have spent time around me had no idea I was gay. I have had two “marriages” with male lovers, both monogamous, one lasted 13 years and one lasted around 8 years. All of my gay friends from my 20′s and 30′s are now DEAD. I also have always preferred the more masculine man rather than the more feminine man. I do not have “years of self-hate, intimacy issues, or emotional problem.” I am pretty well adjusted, living on a rural farm (ranch) in the western portion of the Mid-West. My house and lands are completely paid for and I live well on a modest income.

      There is nothing wrong with a fella liking “Straight” men. A good many masculine men who appear straight are really men who enjoy sex with either sex as long as they enjoy the person first.

      Mar 16, 2012 at 11:42 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Oh, ok.
      Oh, ok.

      Have people become so stupid now that they can’t tell a closet case when they see one? Straight men, actual straight me, do not interact sexually with men.

      I found this video hilarious because if the “straight” guy was black people would’ve immediately said he was down low and gay, which would be true, but when the down low guy is white they say he’s straight…WHAT?! No he’s still gay and closeted.

      WTF?!

      Seriously.

      The stigma against homosexuality is huge, why is it surprising to some that there are gay men who will never admit to being gay?

      Mar 17, 2012 at 2:36 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • evji108
      evji108

      Same thing happened to me 15 years ago, I felt he was the love of my life, perfect in every way, but we never had actual sex and then he finally broke it off and said “I just can’t be gay, sorry”. I was devastated.
      Later he got married and they have two lovely small children. I recently moved back to that town and now he says he wants to have sex with me and is trying to start an affair with me. I am tempted, but it just seems so wrong now. And I know his wife, his kids and his parents. Life is strange indeed. Who knew it could be this strange?

      Mar 17, 2012 at 2:54 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • evji108
      evji108

      Some guys really are bi and some of those guys really, really want to have a family with kids and all. That they like men too doesn’t make them gay, it makes them Bi. Bi guys really do exist and who are any of you to say otherwise, when you are not in their shoes? Not to say that some closeted gay men don’t also get married, but who are any of us in the position to judge exactly who is, and who is not in either category. What lives in the heart of hearts of a man is his own deeply private business and ultimately unfathomable to anyone else. It is not for us to judge the bi man or the closeted gay man, they are living the best life they know how and trying to be as happy as they can given their circumstances.

      Mar 17, 2012 at 3:03 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Oh, ok.
      Oh, ok.

      @evji108: A bi man has no reason to feel unfulfilled sexually to the point where they obsessively begin to fantasize about being with a man and ultimately cheat on their wife and leave your kids.

      Not only is your scenario a bunch of BS but it gives credence to the idea that bisexuals are in fact nothing but whores.

      Closeted gay men on the other hand aren’t allowing themselves to be true and are repressing urges which build up over years and even decades until it explodes all over their fake relationship.

      I’m really getting tired of hearing the non-argument that it’s really bisexual men, they have no reason to do this, unless that person is in fact a giant whore with no morals.

      Mar 17, 2012 at 3:19 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jay
      Jay

      I’ve always thought that my inherent tendency to hang with straight guys has more to do with my own fear of intimacy than anything else. In other words, I can have sex with gay guys at the drop of a hat, but to get to know them on the level of my straight guy friends would be akin to a commitment that I seem to be afraid of. I’m so much more relaxed around my straight friends because I know I can have a tremendously rewarding friendship without it becoming more than that, even though I lament how I want more than that, but then obviously I don’t … Yikes I’m messed up! :)

      Mar 17, 2012 at 10:44 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • J Ascher
      J Ascher

      I can identify with this. I used to have a straight fuck-buddy (he died a few years back). We’d been college buddies and were very close. Even though he had a wife, we kept up our relationship to the end.

      Mar 17, 2012 at 3:21 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • A
      A

      Amazing Video. The only thing that would just make it perfect, and i wish someone does this,if this was actually the music video of Adele`s Someone Like You. i rewatched the movie while listening to that song..i admit i cried alittle.

      Mar 17, 2012 at 5:41 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • lohen
      lohen

      fff i need more straight guy friends apparently…. got like two i dont even see in person anymore. fff I miss him, in a straight way, he would fix my comp and hack all my games so i could cheat also funny as hell.

      also angry kiss was hot.

      Mar 17, 2012 at 7:30 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • randy
      randy

      My straight guy I met at the store were we both worked. I didn’t seek him out, and in fact thought he was a jerk at first. But he started growing on me, and we became close friends, and I liked the physical intimacy that he had. We never had sex, but we loved to flirt with each other, make sex jokes, and whatnot. He was so fucking beautiful, and I know he was attracted to me.

      The sexual tension between us was off the charts. It nearly drove me mad, and I went though all those phases — loving him, hating him, being ultra nice, and then ultra mean. I was a jerk to him many times, as he was to me, and looking back it’s because neither of us had any clue what our relationship was, and we both wanted more than we were willing to do. We were both cowards.

      He eventually got married, and has two kids, haven’t seen him in decades. I’m out and gay, have many gay friends, but I have never forgotten him, and I do regret never making at least the move to kiss him on the lips. It would have forced me out of the closet sooner if I had, I’m sure, but I have no idea what effect it would have had on him. And in any case, he really WAS a jerk, and messed up, so the relationship would have been a bad one, or not lasted long.

      I hope that he resolved his inner demons as I have resolved mine. I guess that’s the best outcome for both of us that we could have had. but you DO wonder why these people come in to our lives.

      Mar 17, 2012 at 10:34 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Elloreigh
      Elloreigh

      Chiming in a bit late here. I don’t know if my experience is unusual, but I had an affair of sorts with a straight guy. In our case though, he knew I was gay from the outset because I met him through a lesbian couple, whom I had met through a gay organization. We didn’t have the kind of tension that exists in other gay/straight friendships. The four of us (and sometimes other friends) would hang out at my place, drinking, dancing etc. He and I would even slow dance together. At some point he started coming over on his own. We’d talk, and eventually end up kissing. Lots of kissing, and caressing. But no sex; it wasn’t so much that he resisted as I just didn’t push it. We did finally end up in bed together once, but it was all very one-sided and about him wanting to satisfy my needs – he didn’t even become “aroused”. Not long after I changed jobs and had to move away, at the same time that he was finishing college, entering the workforce and moving away as well. He’d still call me up when he got bored working the nightshift from time to time. Eventually he got married (I met her when they were dating), and through the combination of physical distance and moving on with our lives, we lost touch with each other.

      Mar 18, 2012 at 12:37 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Elloreigh
      Elloreigh

      I should perhaps mention that the relationship I speak of above was 25 years ago, and was a unique experience for me. I’ve been with my gay NLMH (not legally married husband) for 11-1/2 years and plan to spend the rest of my life with him. Just wish it hadn’t taken so long for me to find my nerdmate.

      Mar 18, 2012 at 1:05 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jay
      Jay [Different person #1 using similar name]

      “There is no closet. There’s just the language we use to describe ourselves to ourselves and others” (I don’t know who said that). My friends would probably say I like to chase straights guys; I say I like to chase masculine guys – truly masculine guys, not guys putting up a front pretending to be masculine. Maybe I’m overgeneralizing but I think the appeal of masculine guys is that they behave like guys (besides having a penis there’s a mental attitude that goes with it). Personally that’s what I find sexually attractive. This is not to disparage or put down guys who are feminine just as I’m not disparaging girls by not being sexually attracted to them; I’m talking about what I personally find sexually attractive and WHAT I BELIEVE gay guys in general find attractive in straight guys.

      I would never limit myself when going after a guy simply because he says he’s straight. I would rather try and fail than not try at all. When I like a guy I make my intentions known early on in the rapport building process, otherwise if I wait too long things will get confusing for both of us (similarly this is where straight guys fuck up with girls and girls inevitably say “I just like you as a friend”). If it turns out the guy isn’t into me, for whatever reason, then we can both move on – on with a platonic friendship or our separate ways. BOOM! There’s plenty of fish… err… umm… whatever… you know what I mean.

      Mar 18, 2012 at 2:14 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jason
      jason

      I think a lot of gay men are so used to operating at the sexual level socially that it comes as a shock when their inner cravings for camaraderie with other men manifest themselves. It causes crossed wires.

      Straight-identifying guys are capable of interacting with each other at a level of sensuality that can be confusing for gay men.

      Mar 18, 2012 at 8:20 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • LittIe,Kiwi
      LittIe,Kiwi

      call me crazy, but as a gay man i’m attracted to other gay men. i have my straight friends, i love ‘em and adore ‘em. but i don’t harbour crushes on ‘em

      i’m gay. i’m attracted to other gay men.

      the only gay men who pursue straight or straight-identifying guys are guys who haven’t yet accepted themselves as gay.

      and it’s kinda pathetic.

      Mar 18, 2012 at 5:02 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Oh, ok.
      Oh, ok.

      @LittIe,Kiwi: I agree, but in LA there are a lot of “straight” guys who will lead you on, and even go all the way as long as you never say the word gay, or mention your relationship in conversation.

      So it’s pretty hard to even tell they don’t identify as straight(regardless of the fact that they are very very gay) until you’ve already developed real feelings.

      I had a run in with a European who pursued me for weeks and when I finally straight up asked him if he was gay he played dumb and acted wounded to try and make me feel guilty.

      I honestly hate this whole “identification” nonsense because people now just run around making false claims and playing mind games with others rather than just admitting they are gay and owning it. Instead everyone wants to play “bi” or “straight but curious” rather than being brave and living their lives as their true selves.

      I honestly feel sorry for the real bisexuals on the planet because the crazies are giving them a bad name. I run for the hills the moment I suspect anyone will tell me they’re bi or curious now because I’m tired of getting stomped on by closet cases who run hot and cold. I draw them like flies.

      Personally I’ve rarely seen many gay men pursue straight men, it’s usually closeted gay men pursuing other gay men, and then having a bitch fit when someone they know finds out they’re gay.

      Mar 18, 2012 at 5:55 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Navi
      Navi

      @DonsterNYC: Aww that’s so sad :(. I’m feeling the same way for this guy in my school

      Mar 18, 2012 at 8:18 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • JanC
      JanC

      Yeah, I had this one with a guy who wanted all sorts done to him but never say the word. One can of beer and off we go. And then, shut-off, it never happened. Yet his mates who know “we did” always suspected he’s closet. Lovely ass too, such a shame. Me, married, kids, lady knows, we share and care, lovely grand-children. Have been hit upon by gay guys who thought I was straight (but this was when everyone said “that’s me too”). Glad we didn’t with AR(he was a lovely guy, would have been fun) but too complicated at that stage in my life. Then years later we hear he has AIDS, died. Phew! There but for fortune. I used to say ‘bi’ but honesty says I think mainly about guys. First time at 12 with boy of 15 (also lovely ass). But always liked straight sex. And always wanted to be a dad. Mind you, if I tell someone I know, it’s always shock because I act so straight (not trying to, just being me). DonsterNYC: a real hard time? It’ll hurt. But then every gal who hits on a guy and can’t tell him (and vice versa) has this to go through. That’s when it shows to be not gay-hit-on-straight but person-hits-on-person-and-can’t-tell. Here with us since we stopped being apes and likely to remain for the duration no matter how tolerant/ accepting we become. There will always be the inconvenience of wanting to be with someone sexually when that person finds it either not possible to reciprocate the feeling or to show his/hers. Damn. But hey everyone, let’s all be glad we’re not in the mess the Kony12 guy’s in. There’s always someone worse off.

      Mar 18, 2012 at 11:09 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ryan C.
      Ryan C.

      Let’s cut to the chase—admit that we are all human and all have emotions. I’m gay, you’re straight, but we can still love each other, both for the friends that we are and the male specimens that we are. No explanations, no complications, no side-stepping. I love you, you love me, I’m glad to have you in my life.

      If I have a crush on a straight guy, so what?
      If he has a crush on me, so what?

      I’ve drunkenly made out with straight men and have had passionate kisses with them. I have cuddled with straight friends and have been told “I think I have a crush on you.” But never have I once thought twice about their sexuality or denial thereof. How many times do girls kiss each other, touch each other, say “I love you”…and never fall into mixed feelings of lesbianism? It’s this social fear that hinders us guys, a taboo that creates a weird excitement that is false. Do any of you feel weird for kissing or hugging your brother or your father? Because I don’t, and I refuse to feel weird for it.
      I hug and kiss and touch and show affection to my gay friends, lesbian friends, straight male friends, and straight female friends; yet I never allow any situation to arrive at a physically awkward boundary with either set of friends. They are all humans, not “gays” or “straights.”

      Once we admit and accept this human emotion, then “they” (as if “straight male friends” were a bad word!) will understand that it’s completely cool to be affectionate as well. It’s all about respect and understanding, and that only strengthens an already amazing connection.

      Mar 19, 2012 at 4:36 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • J Ascher
      J Ascher

      @Ryan C.: Well said!

      Mar 19, 2012 at 7:40 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • stevoj
      stevoj

      i feel like the important thing is to know yourself. if you have a relationship with someone that not only hurts but the fear of it growing/diminishing hurts even more then it’s time to walk away

      you really can’t look at it as the one that got away… it’s the one you moved past

      Mar 19, 2012 at 7:43 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Aidan
      Aidan

      @jason: totally agree with that

      Mar 20, 2012 at 5:23 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Aidan
      Aidan

      I had what I thought were serious feeling for one of my straight best friends and was totally convinced that he felt the same and would eventually come round to my way of thinking. That never happened because I might have lost the friendship we have instead.

      Don’t get me wrong he is along the lines of the perfect guy for me and totally electrifies me when I see him but he is not the guy for me this time. I just happened to be in a bad place when he came into my life he brought me back into the light a bit. He did give off a few vibes and loved to tell me how amazing I was and how much he loved me and how his life would be easier if I was a woman. He even put a candle on a table one night to set an atmosphere!

      But really I think it must have been as confusing for me as him. And for other straight guys,too, to be just cruising along to you mid-20′s or whatever and then for them to realise that the person they like spending their time with and have feeling for is another man. I’m fully convinced my friend did but for one reason another didn’t follow through. Whether it was through society or himself, I’ll never know but he did try to tell me twice but I never found out what he was going to say and probably won’t.

      I moved passed it then, I realised I loved him as a friend only and wanted him in my life. He has a girlfriend now and he’s totally in love with her and I’m genuinely really happy for him and that he’s happy.

      He considers me a brother now and I quite like that estimation of where we are, although I think we’d both admit that we’re somewhere beyond a friend/brother situation but know that and we plan to be in each other lives for the long term. I sometimes think they maybe we are soul mates of sorts who just got born slightly different for each other this time around but that we still found each other and the relationship we have is the one we have to deal with in this lifetime.

      Mar 20, 2012 at 5:55 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mark
      Mark

      I’m recently still dealing with a situation I should never have let get out of hand. I was dragged out to the club one night and hiding in the corner looking very bored and this guy ” Justin” noticed, came up to me and my friends and we just kicked it off….Of course he was straight, but since I am straight acting the gay thing never came up to later. We exchanged facebook info and went out several times afterward. When I told him I was gay he wanted to go to a gay club since hes never been. I noticed that night that out friendship was a lil too comfortable..As the months progressed comfortable went to hugging, hugging went to holding hands, holding hands went to cuddling and then one night we kissed. He told me that from the 1st day he meet me, he knew I was the one, and that he never knew he could feel this for a guy….Later that night lying in bed realizing that he was everything I wanted I told him that I had the hugest crush on him from day 1 and loved him as well…………..That was the last night I ever saw Justin again….1 month later I meet up w/ his friends to find out what happened….Justin didn’t want to be gay, and all my calls, emails would remain unanswered cause he couldn’t even talk to me afraid he would “convert again’ His other friends even starting joking about our relationship when they noticed something more was going on, he never mentioned it so I never thought it bothered him, were among other reasons. As of last week I heard he is moving to start over and erase all memory of us…..Sitting here broken hearted I look back and realize what went wrong, and to be honest I cant think of one other than don’t get too comfy w/ straight guys….I love you Justin, I always will.

      Mar 20, 2012 at 9:09 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Member
      Member

      This video brought me back to when I fell in love with a straight friend and made me cry at the end :’(

      Mar 21, 2012 at 11:31 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • SH
      SH

      That’s the story of my life!

      Mar 23, 2012 at 3:40 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • K
      K

      @Aaron: Im young, hot, educated, smarter than 90% of people in my area and totally into Evangelion. These guys exist so keep looking!!

      Mar 24, 2012 at 2:01 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • JanC
      JanC

      I reckon you can have a soul mate, it can be anyone – friend, lover, partner, spouse, parent, sibling, kid, grandchild …. nothing to do with sexuality or sex. Someone who ‘knows’ what you ‘know’ and there’s no earthly reason why they do. That’s special. No sides to them, they arrive and your heart lifts, they give a brief glance and you know they’re on the same wavelength. Other people see it and smile. You sit in silence, nothing needs to be said. “You know [about something] …” “Hey I was just thinking that.”

      Mar 24, 2012 at 7:13 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Gerry Freedman
      Gerry Freedman

      I’m With Kyle on this. As a Brit, the more educated and middle class you are, the less butch in general. In fact, years ago, when gay sex was still illegal, upper class men, public school educated would look out for ‘rough’ (working class, so called butch men) to have sex with. These ‘butch’ men were often married and would not have thought of themselves as gay. A lot of them were gay, some bisexual, but Im afraid any man that can kiss another man, let alone have sex with one, is not straight. Labels, and Ive always said this, are given because they described: therefore a man who has sex with another man most of the time, would be defined as gay, one who liked a bit of it now and again but still had sex with women, would be bisexual.

      Truth is, a lot of so called bisexuals, are gay men who want to justify having sex with another man, but not define themselves as gay, so they say they are bisexual. The even more deluded call themselves ‘men who have sex with men’.

      The fact is, that straight men have sex with women, gays with men, and those who fall in between are bisexual.

      Another point Id like to make here, is anyone who uses the term ‘straight acting’ to define themselves and thinks it is needed, will, tend to be someone who is both insecure about their masculinity (otherwise there would be no need to mention it) that they have to tell everyone they are (as Lady Thatcher said: if you need to tell someone your a Lady – your not!).

      And another home truth is, that gay men are, for a whole range of societal reasons, prone to self hatred, like Jews, because of the way they have been persecuted in the world for centuries. All that nasty bile has entered the mass psyche of minority groups, which is why if you read Grindr ads, or in the UK, gaydar ads, it is full of the truly most horrific homophobic phrases: no fags. no fems. I want a man not a girl. (which also tends to give the impression a lot of gay men have a misogynistic side as well.).

      Ironic in that the highest cultural ideal of male representation in Ancient Greece was males who were hairless, pretty, and young.

      This need to constantly seek to prove ones masculinity, to beat down on the drag queens and the gays (who frankly Americans should no more than anyone else, were the VERY people who won us our rights in the Stonewall riots, when all the butch, closeted, bisexuals and married gay men were nowhere to be seen).

      As for this straight man desire, as Quentin Crisp testified too: he wanted a ‘real’ man, but always knew that any man who had sex with him, was by very nature of his actions, not the ‘real man’ because he could perform the act. In essence, he was saying he wanted a straight man, and straight men dont have sex with other men, because if they did, they wouldnt be straight.

      So that’s why gay men become delusional themselves into thinking that someone who has sex with women, and has had sex with men occasionally, is ‘straight’. Its delusion and desire and the ever present dose of gay self hatred mingled with eroticism of the masterful man who isn’t and doesn’t look, act, or appear gay.

      And for that we really do need to work on that, and get over our inability to (as we say here in the UK) ‘call a spade, a spade’. Any man that has sex or has romantic feelings for another man, is not, by definition, s t r a i g h t.

      And the sooner gay men get that, the better for all of us!

      Mar 28, 2012 at 2:32 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Kevin Westley
      Kevin Westley

      I am intrigued!! Where is the film? Where di it go?? Anyone know where I can see it???

      May 1, 2012 at 3:58 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Kevin Westley
      Kevin Westley

      @A: So do you know where i can find this movie? It’s gone now from Queerty. Someone like you is one of my fav songs. If it has that kind of emotion, I esnns drr@@@@

      May 1, 2012 at 4:02 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

    Add your Comment

    Queerty now requires you to log in to comment

    Please log in to add your comment.

    Need an account? Register It's free and easy.

  • POPULAR ON QUEERTY

    FOLLOW US
     



    GET QUEERTY'S DAILY NEWSLETTER


    FROM AROUND THE WEB

    Copyright 2014 Queerty, Inc.
    Follow Queerty at Queerty.com, twitter.com/queerty and facebook.com/queerty.