10 Reasons The Apocalypse Should Have Happened Today

10. Coming Out Became Passé for Celebrities

Remember when a celebrity coming-out involved a People magazine cover story? Now Jim Parsons comes out in the third paragraph of a New York Times story and Anderson Cooper—whom we had good money on never coming out—shoots an email to his buddy Andrew Sullivan. What is the world coming to?

9. Hip Hop Queered It Up

Of all the music genres, hip hop is traditionally the least welcoming of LGBTs. But something happened this year, with Frank Ocean coming out as bisexual (and getting supported by everyone from Jay-Z to Snoop Dogg), Azealia Banks coming out as a gay man and Macklemore and Ryan Lewis coming out with an empowering song about marriage equality, hip hop had its gayest year ever.

8. Gays Made It Big on TV

From The New Normal to The Amazing Race to Don’t Trust the B___ (above), 2012 was a record year for LGBT representation on television. Looks like the revolution will indeed be televised.

7. Gays Made It Big in Congress

This year saw a record number of openly LGBT candidates run for—and win—seats in Congress, including Tammy Baldwin, the first out senator. The gays are taking over! Next thing you know we’ll have a gay president. Oh, wait.

6. The Olympics Sexed It Up

This year’s Olympics were notable for many reasons, particularly for the number of openly gay athletes who competed and snatched medals. But the sheer amount of scantily clad, world-class man flesh on display is no doubt helping to send us all spiraling into oblivioin.

5. Football Showed Its Tender, Gay-Loving Side 

Long regarded as the most macho and heterosexual of sports by people who have never heard of rugby, professional football crafted an image of inclusiveness and equality this year, thanks in large part to players like Chris Kluwe and Brendon Ayanbadejo, and NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell taking their influence beyond the gridiron.  We’re pretty sure this means the Super Bowl will be played in the third circle of Hell.

4. Gay Marriage Swept the White House, the Nation and the Globe

Barack Obama became the first president to publicly endorsed same-sex marriage, which for many  confirmed Barry was the Anti-Christ.

After consistently failing at the voting booth, marriage equality finally won big in four statewide referendums. It also became a vital cause in countries as diverse as England, France, Taiwan and Uruguay. Don’t take our word that’s a sign of the Apocalypse: Mr. Grouchy Papal-Pants says it’s so!

3. The Westboro Baptist Church Offended the KKK

You know you’re doing something wrong when the KKK think you’re too extreme: The Westboro Baptist Church blamed every disaster, natural and manmade, on the gays this year. If they’re the ones being raptured up to heaven, we’ll take a pass

2. The Entire 2012 Campaign Season: The Election to End All Elections

This year’s election season was the ugliest, most slanderous, exhausting, painful, divisive, racist, misogynistic and just plain annoying in the history of modern politics. With record spending (there were a lot of records this year) on both sides, America was thrown into a dark age of political ads and dirty tactics that left us all wishing for an end—any end—to it all. For progressives, it all seems like a bad dream. But for Republicans it’s the end of the world as they know it.