SAINTS PRESERVE US

5 Way More Awesome Nominees for Sainthood Than Pope John Paul II

saints

Pope Francis I recently announced he would canonize the predecessor of his predecessor, Pope John Paul II — because, unlike Benedict, he gave up the job the old-fashioned way — on April 27, 2014. JP2, never an ally of the LGBT community, once referred to the development of gay rights, including same-sex marriage, as “part of a new ideology of evil, perhaps more insidious and hidden, which attempts to pit human rights against the family and against man.”

So we’re not too thrilled. Nor surprised. With the exception of Sebastian, adopted patron saint of the gays, the LGBT community hasn’t had many holier than thous to be proud of…and honestly, being tied to a post, shot with arrows and clubbed to death isn’t a tremendous source of pride either.

The Vatican requires potential saints to have performed two “confirmed” miracles. Johnny P allegedly healed a French nun of Parkinson’s Disease in 2005 then a woman claimed she was healed on the same day Benedict beatified John Paul six years after his death in 2011. Since Francis is playing fast and loose with the rules by also canonizing PJP’s predecessor, John XXIII  —   he only did one  measly miracle — we thought we’d throw our halo into the ring and name some saints of our own.

Check out Queerty’s list of the dearly departed who deserve to be in that number when the saints go marching in. 

Harvey Milk — Saint Mayor of Castro

Harvey Milk meets Jimmy Carter, May 1976

Miracle: Getting elected to public office in America as an openly gay man.

Whitney Houston — Saint Diva of Octave Runs

Miracle: Anyone who’s ever heard Whitney sing knows what miracles she was capable of.

Christine Jorgensen — Saint Christine of Transitioning & Turning It

Christine-Jorgensen

Miracle: Having sex reassignment surgery then subsequently becoming a celebrity in 1950s America.

Judy Garland – Saint Frances of a Sissy

Judy Garland and Liza Minnelli

Miracle: Liza Minnelli, who was more or less conceived through immaculate conception considering the proclivities of one Vincente Minnelli.

Divine — Saint Divine of Baltimore

divine-saint

Miracle: The name says it all.

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21 Comments

  • Pistolo

    Elizabeth Taylor. There’s already a saint Elizabeth so this one can be a saint Elizabeth with Taylor included. The pope called her an “erotic vagrant” but, you know, she saved millions.

  • Gordon

    Frannie!, Queerty, Frannie! It has a certain ring to it.

  • Carlton Raines

    not Whitney Houston, for sure, What did she ever do for people who are gay?

  • Russell1947

    Dear Queerty.

    He’s NOT Francis I. Roman numerals aren’t used until there is a 2nd with the same name. See Queens Victoria, Anne & King John. See no I there.

    Those who don’t know history are condemned to relive it

  • hephaestion

    Father Mychal Judge, the Saint of 9/11.

    John Paul II was almost certainly part of the plot to kill Pope John Paul I, whom Vatican conservatives killed in 1978 because he was pro-gay, pro-contraception, and for selling off some of the Vatican’s vast riches in order to help the poor.

  • 2eo

    @hephaestion: How very dare he love another man.

    You’ll also find a key motivator in the catholic murder of John Paul I was his open co-operation with Israeli intelligence forces tracking down the 20,000 fascist genocide committing Nazi’s the catholic church gave false passports to at the end of WWII.

    Given how this would indict Ratzinger and hundreds of others, who are also paedophiles it was a sure bet he had to be murdered.

  • Gordon

    Interesting take. Do you have a source for that I could read. I find that interesting. Thanks for posting that. Appreciate your time.

  • Teleny

    @Pistolo: Elizabeth Taylor all the way!

  • Polaro

    Whitney Houston? How did she get on this list? I vote Divine!

  • balehead

    Harvey Milk liked underage boys…sounds more like a priest than a saint!…

  • regina4aregina2037

    I agree that these are worthy to be raised to the alatar and add to the proper of the eucharistic prayer. Then there are those that have died or been killed or murdered or have been forced to committ suicide, these too are already the the unknown cannoised saints of the gay haigophoy .

  • jwrappaport

    Excuse me, sir. Excuse me, sir…

    I’d say we need to nominate the late Christopher Eric Hitchens: a gentleman, and if I may, a comrade and friend of the godless and the sodomites. An honorary friend of Dorothy.

  • 2eo

    @jwrappaport: I think Hitch would come back to life just long enough to Hitchslap anyone who tried.

  • Jerry12

    Saints or not; The Roman Catholic Church is irrelivent in today’s society. It ruled for centuries by fear of Hangings, Torture, pulling arms and legs off on the “Rack”, etc. They would still be doing it today if they could get away with it.

  • Musk

    A bunch of doddering old fools have a circle jerk, and VOILA . . . a new saint is born.

  • Homosexuality is a sin

    @Musk: Your perversion is killing you and that’s why you feel so much hatred for holy men like St. John Paul II and our wonderful Pope Benedict XVI.

    Please pray to Christ, just once to see how it feels. (Are you aware that Satanists can pick the consecrated host from a pile of wafers because they feel so much hatred toward Christ?)

  • Homosexuality is a sin

    Please do not deny all science which shows conclusively that those who engage in homosexuality have higher risks of misery, suicide, abuse, and disease. It’s not old fashioned superstition, it’s scientific fact, supported by hundreds of studies.

    You’re children of God and there’s no defining you by your lust.

  • Homosexuality is a sin

    @Jerry12: The Catholic Church is richer than at any other point in history and makes up a greater percentage of humanity than ever.. (Though I don’t disagree that it is infected with heresy and apostasy at the moment.)

  • Homosexuality is a sin

    @balehead: You mean a public school teacher or a secularist like yourself. Even during the “abuse crisis”, Catholic priests had far lower rates of abuse than secularist public school teachers..

  • Homosexuality is a sin

    @2eo: You speak blatant lies and evil. Consider how hateful your ideology has made you. It can’t be something pure and good when it inspires this much hatred and evil. And, sadly, you hurt yourselves more than anyone else.

Comments are closed.