Pope Francis I recently announced he would canonize the predecessor of his predecessor, Pope John Paul II — because, unlike Benedict, he gave up the job the old-fashioned way — on April 27, 2014. JP2, never an ally of the LGBT community, once referred to the development of gay rights, including same-sex marriage, as “part of a new ideology of evil, perhaps more insidious and hidden, which attempts to pit human rights against the family and against man.”
So we’re not too thrilled. Nor surprised. With the exception of Sebastian, adopted patron saint of the gays, the LGBT community hasn’t had many holier than thous to be proud of…and honestly, being tied to a post, shot with arrows and clubbed to death isn’t a tremendous source of pride either.
The Vatican requires potential saints to have performed two “confirmed” miracles. Johnny P allegedly healed a French nun of Parkinson’s Disease in 2005 then a woman claimed she was healed on the same day Benedict beatified John Paul six years after his death in 2011. Since Francis is playing fast and loose with the rules by also canonizing PJP’s predecessor, John XXIII — he only did one measly miracle — we thought we’d throw our halo into the ring and name some saints of our own.
Check out Queerty’s list of the dearly departed who deserve to be in that number when the saints go marching in.
Harvey Milk — Saint Mayor of Castro
Miracle: Getting elected to public office in America as an openly gay man.
Whitney Houston — Saint Diva of Octave Runs
Miracle: Anyone who’s ever heard Whitney sing knows what miracles she was capable of.
Christine Jorgensen — Saint Christine of Transitioning & Turning It
Miracle: Having sex reassignment surgery then subsequently becoming a celebrity in 1950s America.
Miracle: Liza Minnelli, who was more or less conceived through immaculate conception considering the proclivities of one Vincente Minnelli.
Divine — Saint Divine of Baltimore
Miracle: The name says it all.