Ezra Miller, the 26-year-old queer actor who most recently starred in the Harry Potter spinoff Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald, recently told Playboy magazine that he and an older boy in elementary school used to jerk each other off.
Miller also revealed that he was bullied as a kid for having a speech impediment, that he has had his sexuality leveraged against him in acting auditions and that he keeps a polyamorous group of sexual partners called a polycule.
The interview included seductive images of Miller posing in Playboy‘s trademark bunny ears, fishnet stockings, size 14 heels, a gossamer blouse, frilly lingerie and a white jumpsuit.
Related: Dumbledore IS explicitly gay in new “Fantastic Beasts,” says out star Ezra Miller
In the interview itself, Miller confesses that he and an older elementary school boy “would jerk each other off while we interacted with [copies of Playboy and the Kama Sutra] stuff in various ways.”
Miller also speaks about his attraction to more than one gender, saying that he has “experienced a lot of heartbreak.”
The interview states, “[Miller] says he has abandoned trying to find his perfect romantic partner, deciding that monogamy isn’t for him. Calling himself a ‘sexual being,’ he instead finds companionship with a group of sexual partners he refers to as his ‘polycule,’ a portmanteau of ‘polyamorous molecule.'”
Miller says the polycule is made of “queer beings who understand me as a queer being off the bat.” He feels a strong familial and marital connection to its members and says that everyone in the group loves each other very much.
Near the end of the interview, Miller weeps while discussing being bullied by people in school for a speech impediment, getting attacked “by f*cking bigots” and having sexuality leveraged against him in acting auditions.
Miller says, “It’s really important to acknowledge the diversity of voices who have experienced this sh*t, and all genders, all capacities, all types of people. Everyone is victim to it. Everyone is a survivor of it.”
Miller has lately become the media’s most openly queer celebrity. Earlier this month, he came out as non-binary, discussed being attacked for wearing floral clothing and shared a story of sexual harassment early into his career.
Earlier this year, Miller attended Comic-Con dressed as a sexy female character from Super Mario Brothers and kissed a male fan while there. As a rising mainstream star, his public embrace of gender-fluidity, pansexuality and polyamory are all refreshingly queer and trailblazing.
o.codone
Editor: Check the spelling in the title. “Polyarmous”. Oops.
Prax07
So he’s a bi crossdresser that has a pool of sex partners on hand for whatever flavor he’s feeling…the more I hear from him the more he sounds like that other douche, whatshisname…the one from that Younger show.
Charlie in Charge
Don’t be jealous.
Doug
Please… he’s yet another whiny, narcissistic actor.
Andy.R
Prax07: bitter party of one! If he’s happy that way, why should it matter what or who he’s into?
barkomatic
That arrangement isn’t that unusual though very few would be as open about it as Miller and actually put a label on it. The older I get, the more I realize that for a lot of us the standard monogamous couple expectation doesn’t work. I know the traditional gays always start clutching their pearls at this point and start muttering about true love and exclusivity but I’m not dissing monogamy, because it clearly works for many gay men (that I’ve only read about) but I only know of a single married gay couple in my own life that are monogamous — and they have sex every two months. The rest of the couples I know are open to varying degrees of awkwardness. I think Miller is just trying to find something that works for him.
o.codone
I don’t think marriage means the same to us as it means to straight couples. Gays believe that marriage should not stand in the way of their being the same promiscuous guys they have always been. They believe promiscuity is the normal state for gay men whether married or not. So, for that reason, marriage is never going to have the same normalizing effect on behavior that it does for straight couples and consequently, gay marriage is already starting to be marginalized by the culture.
Donston
Can you not say “gays believe” as if you can speak for the entirety of a very diverse demo. There are many gay men that believe in monogamy. Yes, I have had several threesomes with by husband throughout the three years we’ve been married and the two years we were dating. A couple with dudes. And another couple with chicks. But we aren’t out here being hoes. And it’s certainly not an “open” relationship.
Donston
Furthermore, there’s a decent amount of dudes who are romantically and relationship-wise same-sex leaning but have sexual passions and instincts that lean towards women. It can be difficult to accept that you are ultimately “gay” but still want to regularly hook up with chicks, and it can be difficult to find a male partner who you click with that is cool with that (sometimes more difficult than finding a female partner that’s okay with you hooking up with dudes). And then they end up not truly seeking out a male partner until they’re 40 or 50 and sex doesn’t mean as much to them. Then there are some guys who resent men too much (and sometimes just resent gay men) and have too many traumas attached to men that they can’t deal with being same-sex leaning. These things can send guys into the spell of a lot of confusion, denial, self-destruction and gay resentment. I’m not saying Ezra fits into either of those categories though, especially since he’s apparently never even dated anyone but chicks. But ultimately, he’s a young, fairly narcissistic, horny guy who’s just willing to do anything and is in a perfect place to exert that freedom. So, more power to him and however he wishes to live his life and identify.
DCguy
@o.codone
Sweetie, if you’re going to pretend you AREN’T an anti-LGBT troll you may want to stop using the term “They” when you describe us.
But nice try.
o.codone
@DCGuy. I said “they” because I personally don’t believe promiscuity is the norm. There’s no other word to use to differentiate myself from others unless you know something I don’t. I can’t say “we” bc it doesn’t include me, so I have to use the word “they”. I know it’s complicated but if you get out your remedial english primer, it’s probably the first chapter. As for me being an “anti-LGBTQ troll”, after all these years you know that’s not true. Besides, name calling is against the Queerty comments policy. Hard for you, yes, but can’t you at least *try* to stop calling people names? Just try. (but I guess if you stopped your name calling there wouldn’t be much left of your comment, would there)?
o.codone
@ Donston. You made my point so poignantly. Thank you. You and your husband get married and the first thing that comes to your mind(s) is hooking up in some threesome configuration. Not what straight couples do, not even close. Yours is a perfect example of the differences between gay and straight marriage and is a great example of why gay “marriage” is being marginalized, and will continue to be until it is eventually seen for what it is, not actual “marriage” but a legal vehicle that is a horse of a different color. Not really marriage at all. (did somebody say horse)?
Donston
Um, no, our first threesome as a married couple wasn’t until this year, three years into our marriage. And it was pretty random, hardly something we obsessed about. I’m sorry, but there are many gay men whose whole lives are not dominated by hook ups and plenty of gay men who are not complete hoes. Hell, there are some “gay” men who are not very sexual at all and are borderline a-sexual or are probably more hetero-leaning sexually. Being with a guy is more about romantic and relationship contentment. But if it we were a promiscuous couple who gives a damn? Even most straight married couples, whether both partners are hoes or they’re completely monogamous or they have an occasional threesome, are driven mostly by an emotional and romantic bond and commitment and fulfillment. It’s not entirely about sex. In general, people make way too big of a deal about sex, whether they’re getting any or not and who they’re getting it with. Ultimately, it’s not my business.
JK 1984
@o.codone
You don’t get to speak for what “Gays believe”, any more than I or anyone else does. No one has the right to speak for a group unless they have been elected by that group to do so.
As for threesomes/non-monogamy and marriage, I know plenty of straight married couples that like to “play” with other people either together or separately and plenty of monogamous gay and lesbian married couples.
sbarden1
There are a few comments in this thread that are less than kind, to put it mildly. Sexuality is a very personal thing, and I feel that it’s not right to judge. People do what is right for them. Everyone’s needs are different. I have no problem adapting myself to fit my husband’s needs, because I love him, and if that means that he needs to have multiple sex partners, so be it. I want him to be happy. There are things that I can’t do for him that someone else can.
My experience as a ‘straight’ husband, before I understood who I am, when I was married to a woman was that ‘straight’ marriage isn’t quite as monogamous as some would like to think, even among the religious types. My wife also needed multiple sex partners, even though she didn’t openly believe that sex outside of marriage was “righteous”. I’m 63 years old as of this writing, and as I age, I am understanding more and more that the words ‘slut’ and ‘whore’ are words used to control people through shame and fear, and that life is life, people are people, and it isn’t wise to try to label or pigeonhole people. I can’t help but wonder if those who rail on others because others’ sexuality doesn’t match their own, do so for dramatic effect, out of fear, desire to control, from immaturity, or just because they like to see other people be as miserable as they are. Perhaps it is because they want to be monogamous, but cannot find someone else who wants the same thing. I don’t see why we can’t accept and respect people for who they are, as long as they mutually accept and respect us. The most important things that we can do in this life is to love others and fight to preserve free will. We need to learn to find other sources of energy to feed on other than fear, anger, conflict, and other negative emotions.
I love my husband and he loves me. We may not be monogamous, but we take care of each other, and marriage allows us, legally, to do just that. We couldn’t do that unless we had legal marriage. We use the word ‘gay’ to describe us for a reason. Happiness, being carefree, having real joy comes from inside each of us. I have a granddaughter who is transgender, MTF, and I’m trying to teach her that she doesn’t have to conform to what everyone else expects her to be, but rather, she needs to be herself. I want her to have a rich and satisfying life, develop her spirituality at her own pace and in her own way, and live a life of freedom, as long as it does no harm to others.
I ask that before you comment, consider why you want to say the things you want to say, and how you might feel if it was said about you.
My own feeling is that Ezra Miller is a very courageous man to be able to declare his love for his polycule, publicly, and I am proud of him for being mature enough to realize and be true to who he is, and follow his bliss. Maybe I’ll add him to my list of heroes, for this… and no, I fully understand that he is imperfect (as we all are), but maybe, just maybe, I can learn something from him that I can apply in my own life.
mz.sam
Z-z-z-z-z….
PinkoOfTheGange
How is this different than having a group of F buddies?
Bisexual’s enjoying each other’s bodies isn’t new.
Jbaltes
Why do we care??? There are all kinds of people in the world. The more diverse the better!
rogkristen
WTF?……..another word we have to try and remember!
Stop already……..LGBTQP…LMNOP!!
dean089
The sad part is that the nonsensical labels are the only thing new about this story. Otherwise he’s just a horn dog having sex with anything that moves. Yawn.
revcar
Since this is in huge chunks a repost from the original article, sure feels like THAT author’s name should have been mentioned. You can’t just wholesale copy and paste someone else’s work and throw in a few extra dialogue tags and call it your own work.
ethan_hines
In about 20 years polyamory will be the norm. People have to learn not to be jelous. We all have the ability to love many people at once. As they say love knows no boundaries.
DCguy
Every 5 years somebody makes the same pronouncement.
Donston
His “lifestyle” represents about 40% of Hollywood. And he’s a young, good-looking rich guy. So, what he’s saying isn’t all that shocking. Besides, he’s clearly been through some sh*t (like a lot of industry people) and has always been someone who has pushed to show how outrageous and “different” he is.
I have noticed that some portions of the “queer community” have frankly started to come off bitter and whiny. Because they don’t have any genuine interests in having a real romance/relationship with anyone that’s not the opposite cis gender of them, they don’t have any genuine interests in transitioning and they’re not genuinely a masculine female or effeminate male people won’t fully give them their “queer props”. So, they become obsessed with being acknowledged. They refuse to merely keep it real about themselves and their struggles and move on to accept their “mostly hetero” and “mostly cis” privileges. They want to desperately and persistently be acknowledged for their “queedom” and be acknowledged as victims while also wanting to be seen as “cool” and “edgy”. And it is starting to get a bit annoying.
But this is why I always say “gay” is a separate thing from all these other things, including homosexual or bisexual. “Gay” represents a passion, romantic fulfillment, relationship contentment and general comfort. It’s not primarily about sex. (And yes, I believe you can be homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, fluid, etc. and living whatever lifestyle and still be “gay”). I also need Ezra and the media to understand that he can’t speak for “gays” like he tried to do during the Dumbledore controversy. He doesn’t seem to have any genuine romantic passion or relationship fulfillment or contentment towards anyone but cis women and doesn’t even seem to have much sexual desire towards dudes (he’s talked about liking to kiss guys sometimes and wanking off with a friend once upon a time. But it honestly just seems like he’s trying to “prove” he’s not completely heterosexual. While perhaps most people are on a spectrum. And many gay dudes like making out with or fooling around with cis women to whatever capacity. So, that’s no big deal). He’s also never legit dated anyone but cis women.
Everyone is different. Live your life as you see fit. Do you. Ultimately, the dude comes off as a bit of a damaged and convoluted soul desperately reaching out towards anything, trying to feel complete and settled. But that represents a lot of us out here. I’ve certainly been there.
DCguy
He’s always dated women, long term, short term, proclaimed himself “Queer” without defining it and while he was with women. “Queer” seems to be a get out of jail free card for possibly hetero celebs who want to be part of something.
Just once, Miller could call himself Bi, or show up to any event with somebody not a cis het woman, but that hasn’t ever happened.
Donston
“Queer” to a lot of people just means not feeling 100% cis gender and/or not being 100% inherently hetero. That could perhaps encompass at least 60% of the population.
This is a bit of a side effect to the gay and trans “movements”. No longer can one just be honest about themselves and their struggles without all the maudlinness and pretension. Very few people just keep it chill and say I’m not heterosexual, am currently single, I enjoy hooking up with dudes sometimes but only see myself fo’ real with a female. That’s too “hetero-normal” and is not victimizing enough. You have to attach yourself to labels and cliched phrases and attempt to sound “out there” in order to still feel you are a part of a community and a particular struggle.
Donston
I will say that guys like this have often been through some traumas and do contend with a lot of convolution and dissatisfaction and uncertainty, and if they are romantically homo-leaning they sometimes contend with a lot of internalized homophobia and/or self-misandry. So, it is important to be understanding. However, I do need people to stop trying to attach him to guys who genuinely date guys and have genuine passions, romantic feelings, emotional contentment, relationship instincts towards guys. No matter what those guys identities are. Furthermore, it seems Ezra has had this group of friends for years while still only dating cis women. So, it’s very unlikely he’ll date a dude any time soon. However, he’ll still likely continue to attach himself to gays.
batesmotel
I have no idea who Ezra Miller is. Never heard of him.
sbarden1
One more comment… why do we even have to label ourselves? Why can’t we just be delighted with who and what we are and be true to ourselves, as long as we do no harm? And why do we need to label others or shame them? Are you sexually attracted to men? Women? Both? Neither? Then say that, and let it be what it is. Let others be who and what they are. Be kind and loving. Preserve free will. Everything will work out the way it needs to. Hopefully, everyone will learn what they need to learn, eventually, and will burn off their Karma, and move forward.